Thursday, November 25, 2004

The REAL Thanksgiving and why america is screwed up

Everyone thinks that Thanksgiving is a day of feast and thanks for the things we have. But why exactly did the indians help the pilgrims out? I mean we were killing their people and stealing their land, its not like they said "Welcome to our neighborhood! We brought you a 100 pounds of food as a welcome gift. Oh and can you please stop trying to erase us from existence?". You can tell the history books are trying to cover something up. Thats why I am going to tell you what really happened. This information was given to me by a very reliable source (the little voices in my head) and it is all at least 99.99999999 true. It all started when the pilgrims of course landed on plimoth rock, which in backwards flesrouykcufog means 'this is what fucked up our society'. The ship and its crew was not sent out to find a new land to get away from the pressure of taxes and find freedom but it was really nothing but a party boat that got lost while the crew had a month long party. The entire ship was full of tea bags, rum bottles, pilgrim pantys, and gum in the steering wheel. All they could do was sit and wait till they crashed on land. Finally months later when they got to america of course the whole crew was extremely stoned and thought it was India and called the natives indians. After running out of food (of course they still had enough beer to get a pod of whales drunk) they went to the natives for help so they could survive the winter, the indians of coursed refused to help. But soon the indians (who origanaly called them selves onisac) hatched a plan to get back their land and kill the pilgrims by using their biggest weakness, partys. They of coursed pretended to lighten up to the pilgrims and taught them a few basic ways to survive. How to fertilize the soil, hunt, cook, among other things. Finally it was time to put their plan into action. They put together a huge feast and invited the pilgrims. They of course showed up half an hour late and went straight to eating. The indians plan was to get the pilgrims so full that they couldn't run away then kill them on the spot. But they underestimated the pilgrims and they ate the indians out of house and home. They ate and ate and didn't show signs of slowing down. Days later the feast was finally finished but by that time the indians had gave up and left. Luckily the pilgrims got their heads together, that is after they ran out of beer, and used what little knowledge the indians gave them to help survive the winter and build a society. Since then the indians have been plotting a way to take back America a diffrent way, by building casinos and using our need to gamble and party to raise money to buy back America while us Americans party, eat, and get drunk.

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