Saturday, October 10, 2009

My princess in the camo jacket

It was a dance all the way off in woodland. A mormon dance at a church. I always went to the dances every chance that I could and it was especially exciting it was someplace I had never been and I got to drive there and everything. The drive there was fun. Kim and Josh were there in the back seat. Strange to think that Josh is all off in Alabama spreading the word. But in my memory he is there playing gay chicken with tall chicken legged sam in the back of what is known as the pimp mobile. Strange to think i had that car back then. The funny thing is how sam got back there, not trusting kim and josh alone so he ripped the door open and shot out across their laps. But that's beyond the point I started writing.

There was a girl. There always seems to be some girl of some kind in these blogs that no one reads. I just use them as a memory holder, like a catalog of my brain. Boy how I love this memory. But boy how I feel sad when i remember it, but that's beside the point. Her name was Amanda, or so I remember it to be. I barely remember much about her, just the bigger and little of it all. She was a girl obviously. She was attractive. She wore a princess dress which she had borrowed from a friend. Like me she just went to the dance for the fun of it and wasn't connected to the church at all. I broke up with my girlfriend a week ago. She broke up with her boyfriend a week ago. But that's beyond the point.

I don't know how it all started, nor why I let the night end how it did. But I did as I did and that's all that I did. Someway or another we hit it off. We had fun. We danced. There was a swing dance contest going on. We joined in yet we didn't have a clue what we were doing. We laughed. We smiled. We danced.All through out the night we stuck together, we had fun. She almost won the costume contest for the night. Or she did, I can't remember. There was a hula hoop contest and I played along. I didn't know how yet I did anyway. But that's beyond the point.

We danced and we danced some more after that. It wasn't till at least the middle of it all that I noticed her hand. We were dancing and she showed me that one of her hands only had 3 fingers. I don't remember which. But that's beyond the point.

I joked that we chatted and I asked basic stuff. It came to "Do you play an instrument?" I had asked and she said no, pointing out the state of her hand. I joked she could play my trumpet but she smiled and turned down such an offer. I felt something growing inside me. We danced and danced some more. At one point during a dance she looked at me. We held each other, us strangers who knew each other for a night. She looked to me and said "I think I'm falling in love with you..."

And to this day I regret losing her. I regret having her only now as a memory. My princess in a camo jacket who wasn't perfect, but has become perfect in my memory. Hers was the purest of love, the spark of the moment that meant everything. That night is a gem to me, one which I shall never be able to find again...

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

almost there

Damn I am bored to death right now...It's not like I don't have anything to do but rather I don't feel like doing anything. I can't wait till school starts amazingly, yay music classes and tutoring! I'm gonna make min. wage and work like part time but to me that's still a good chunk of money to be making lol most likely to be spent on fast food and video games. I feel kind of bad for Joel with his job. He's been pouring hours upon hours along with more than a hundred dollars for a background check and all the tests he's got to take cost money too, but he hasn't made in money yet. Him and Melinda keep begging me to join their insurance job thing, but what he's going through just shows exactly why I don't want to do it. With my cutco job and what not that sucked enough dealing with my boss and not making sales. But the funny thing, he keeps telling me that you can make sooooooooo much more money in Primerica than Cutco, but I made more in my 2 weeks than he's made in his entire 2 months of Primerica. But he's actually applied himself quite a bit and that's good so it's not all bad.

But I can't wait till school starts for a couple reasons. 1: It gives me something to do during the day and gives me some kind of structure. 2: I can start making money with my tutoring job. But probably what I'm most excited about 3: Girls. I'm tired of sitting around with Melinda and Joel as they get all cuddly on the couch. Not to mention my friend Katie who a mere week or 2 ago said she thought she would never date another guy again is suddenly raving mad about her new boyfriend. Raving mad as in her last 20 posts on facebook are about her freaking out that she hasn't talked to him for an aggonizing 1 hour. All the girls I've attempted at dating this summer have either broke up with me (in the case of Jenae) or rejected me outright. Girls are fun, I have to admit, and I miss that. I want a quality relationship, someone I can talk to is the most important part...And now I'm thinking about how I always just complain in these posts. Maybe that's why people don't really read this...Oh well.

DIFFERENT TOPIC! So I got Scribblenauts today, along with the free rooster hat because I preordered it. So far it is alot harder than I thought it would be. You think being able to type in any object you can think of would make any possible puzzle mind numbingly easy, but that's not the case. I make myself do the challenge level where you replay the same level 3 times only you can't type in any objects you used already. It is HARD. I could spend like an hour on a single level, and this is suppose to be a KIDS game. I think games that look like they are for kids now adays are deceptively frustrating. Sure makes you feel stupid when a game designed for kids outsmarts you.

I'M READING A BOOK! AN ACTUAL BOOK! Wow it's been a long time since I've read an actual book book. I use to read all the time but like alot of things I just stopped doing it one day without thinking about it. But now I'm making a journey through a 1070 page book, and boy is it gonna be a long one. I read around 40 pages every other day lol I'll be amazed if I can have it finished by next month. Plus with school starting next week I have no clue if I'll even read 40 pages a week. But if I finish it I shall be totally proud. It's called Atlas Shrugged by Any Rand. Apparently it's like one of the greatest books ever written and people are crazy about it...I mostly got it because it inspired the videogame Bioshock. But so far I am liking it. I'm at like...140 or 180 pages in. The first 90 pages were really kind of boring to tell the truth, all about the drama that a railroad company is having. But when it actually started to delve into the characters is what sucked me in. Her characters are no where near flat and each of them has their own backstory that defines who they are and gives them a meaning. I'm shit at explaining plot and characters so I'm not even going to attempt, but it can be addicting at times which in my opinion is good. When you start reading and you look up after a couple chapters and notice it's been 2 hours and you still want to read, that's a good book.

Don't ya hate it when you read something but for some reason you start thinking of something but your still reading without paying attention? That's so fucking frustrating. I'm all into the book, something catches my minds attention, I think about it but keep reading, and get completely lost. So then I gotta figure out where the heck I lost track and reread the same part over again. Blarg.

...I need a way to end these, I always just kinda leave it hanging.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

nice guys finish last

Is it possible to be too nice? I think I have to say I am at times...I try accomodate for everyone, I want everyone to feel good, to feel respected, to feel cared for and generally feel good. But is that even relatively possible? Sometimes I feel I need to stand up but then that gets people annoyed at me or something and I just can't bring myself to do that. Sometimes I feel like being selfish and just doing what I want and saying to hell with everyone elses feelings but I can't because I think too much of others. Is it really right for me to care about everyone around me rather than myself? Everything is about how other people feel and rarely do I do the things that I would want over other peoples. I'm a nice guy and I try my best to be a nice guy, I pride myself on being polite, gentlemanly, caring and sacraficing. But I think sometimes I may do that TOO much. ARG! I barely even know what I'm complaining about but I feel it's a legitament complaint somehow...Advice anyone? If you can understand what the heck I'm saying

Monday, August 17, 2009

101 random things

I saw that Kelci had done one of these on her blog and I thought it looked like fun

101 Random Things about me

1. I am 19
2. I am eating a burger right now for breakfast
3. I prefer crunchy bacon over squishy
4. I taught myself all my music theory knowledge through books and the internet
5. I can’t stand having my hair more than 2 or 3 finger widths long
6. I measure my hair in finger widths
7. I am HORRIBLE at approximating distances/lengths
8. I use to suck my toes
9. I am still able to suck my toes
10. I can stick both legs behind my head
11. I once punched a girl in the boob at Kung Fu while sparring and she punched me back so hard I almost got a black eye
12. I was sad that I didn’t have a black eye
13. I have a triangle of moles on my right arm
14. I enjoy anime, my favorite being Trigun
15. My life goal is to learn every single band instrument
16. I wish to become a music teacher
17. I’m nervous about what school I’m going to go to next year because I haven’t picked one yet
18. I tend to procrastinate as long as possible
19. When I’m in a group of people I try and get things done as fast as possible
20. I am always a glass half full kind of person
21. I have a horrendous short term memory
22. I have a thing for girls in various types of hats
23. The longest story I have ever written and the only one that I planned all the way through I thought up while I was in the bathroom
24. I use to write a lot more but somehow I don’t anymore
25. I feel guilty about not doing things
26. I still own stuffed animals
27. I still have a pokemon comforter (It’s really warm ok?)
28. I once wanted to be a astronaut
29. I didn’t want to be an astronaut after thinking about being sucked into the vacuum of space
30. I wear contacts
31. When I was little I would “accidentally” leave my glasses in my desk at school so I wouldn’t have to wear them
32. I use to be afraid of being abducted by aliens at night so I slept in the hallway near my room
33. For a year or two I only slept on my bedroom floor
34. I have had 6 girlfriends although I really only think I should count 5 because Jenae was only a week
35. The longest relationship I had was 2 years
36. My longest relationship was a long distance one
37. I sleep with my drivers license in my pocket
38. The lizard on my key chain is known as Lucky Retarded Lizard II
39. I name my instruments and they have to have a meaning
40. My euphonium is called Moby because he’s a big oily beast
41. My acoustic guitar is called Fed Ex because I had to send my original acoustic in to get replaced because of a defect and it took around 2 or 3 months just to get it back and it was delivered by Fed Ex
42. My alto saxophone is called Charlie because it was originally my sisters and she loves unicorns
43. My crappy first act acoustic is Lil Brother because even though I make fun of it and say I hate it, it was still my first guitar and I learned how to play on it
44. My electric guitar is known as Amber because that was my kindergarten crush that everyone made fun of me for and so does my sister for this day
45. I’ve known my best friend, Joel, since kindergarten
46. My second best friend, Melinda, I knew from riding the same bus together since around 5th or 6th grade
47. I dated Melinda for a month
48. Joel and Melinda have been dating for a while now and it makes me feel awkward
49. I am a Gamer
50. The first paycheck I ever got I spent on a Xbox 360, video games, and a controller because I wanted to buy something that would take me forever to save up for
51. I have a very “gotta have it now” attitude when shopping
52.I think that I am a little over weight but I’m fine with that
53. I have accounts on Twitter, Myspace, and Facebook as well as 5 blogs
54. I once had a hamster who died of a cold and I blamed myself
55. I am a cat person, but dogs are ok at times
56. I don’t really know where I stand on kids, they can be fun but at the same time extremely annoying
57. If I were to have kids I would name the girl Hope, because I think hope is a very important part of life and you should always have it, and the boy Zeek, because it’s an awesome name
58. Nearly every night I listen to songs on my MP3 player, figure out what key it’s in, and then play my own solo parts to them for the fun of it/for relaxing
59. I have written around maybe 5 or 6 tunes on the guitar
60. I have written a good number of lyrics but haven’t been able to attach them to music because I’m not good at composing for voice
61. I enjoy figuring out what time signature a song that I’m listening to is in
62. I know how to waltz
63. The only play I’ve been in (other than dinky elementary school plays) was Cinderella
64. I don’t really like much seafood unless it’s deep fried
65. I eat a lot of frozen pizzas
66. Italian food is the bomb
67. I am not a fan of vegetables unless you count potatoes
68. I have only had 1 cell phone and I only got it recently
69. I don’t have a favorite actor or actress
70. My car is known as the Pimp Mobile because one time I fit 4 girls in it and 1 guy in the trunk
71. I love it when girls I like wear my sweatshirt
72. I am known for wearing my band sweatshirt ALL the time (except during the summer)
73. My high school band director nicknamed me Floral Mickey because of the time that I got lost in Disneyland on a band trip and I thought we met at the floral Mickey but we really met at toontown. I ended up running back and forth across all of Disneyland before I finally found them
74. I have hid in my high school band directors basement before
75. I enjoy rice krispie treats
76. I often marvel at the size of outer space
77. I have never done drugs, smoked, or drank alcohol and don’t plan on doing any of them either
78. I wanted to do a sport like wrestling or swimming but I don’t think I’d be able to handle the competitiveness of it all
79. My favorite band is Streetlight Manifesto and is the only band I can name all the members (Jim Conti: Alto and Tenor Sax and backup vocals, Mike Soprano: Trombone, Mike Brown: Alto and Baritone Sax, Chris Thatcher: Drums, Pete Mucullough: Bass, Thomas Kalnoky: Guitar and lead vocals)
80. Ska is my favorite genre of music
81. Rap is my least favorite genre
82. I love out there bands like Movits or Primus
83. I really like waking up early because it makes the day seem longer
84. I love the smell of the forest when you wake up in a tent while camping
85. I use to be afraid of deep water but got over this fear when I was put into life guard training and told to bring up a brick from the bottom of the deep end of the pool
86. I couldn’t swim before life guard class so I was put into beginning swimming
87. I cannot do a cartwheel but can do a mean monkey roll
88. I once nearly knocked a guy out when I kicked him in the face at kung fu
89. I have seen Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog at least 5 times and plan on watching it even more
90. I once ate Fruity Pebbles with Dr. Pepper instead of milk and found it especially fruity
91. I am very picky about expiration dates on food, if it is even 1 day over I wont touch it
92. My favorite breakfast food is hash browns
93. I’m still a virgin
94. I can’t wait till school starts so that I can tutor
95. I have never been grounded
96. I bit my mom on the butt one time when I was really little
97. I try to shave as little as possible except when I hang out with a girl I like, then I make sure to always be clean shaven
98. I have a huge dislike of cotton balls rubbing on my skin, it makes my skin crawl…and I have yet to find anyone else who shares this
99. At times I think that I am too much of a nice guy
100. I love life
101. I wish that I had something really profound to write for this one…

Sunday, August 16, 2009

as apposed to an oink cow?

WOOT! New look for the new life of my blog! I guess I'll go ahead and make a bit of an update. (And I'll use paragraphs for once)

So I went to the Renaissance fair on Saturday and it was loads of fun. It was Anna, Andee, Sam, Anna's Mom, and I riding up in the big ol' red monster truck which surprisingly had plenty of leg room. OH! I should explain the cow (yeah, I'm probably not gonna edit this so expect jumps lol) So Andee, Sam and I were driving along and for some odd reason we were talking about cows and Andee said "It's a moo cow" and I said "Is there any other kind of cow?..." and eventually we degraded into arguing and finally she's like "IT'S A FUCKING MOO COW!" And oddly I imagined a moo cow...fucking. So of course from there the conversation moved onto cows raping me...

The moo cow conversation pretty much was a precursor to the conversation that happened in the truck up to the festival. We were just loud and crazy and I was amazed Anna's mom didn't want to kick us out right on the spot. There was a huge mixture of conversations going on so I kind of can't remember off the top of my head what we talked about, but it was pretty special.

The females were all dressed up for the fair. Andee had this very elaborate and fancy shirt with a corset looking kind of vest going on along with a long skirt, Anna had a simple maroon colored dress that Andee hand made for her, and Anna's mom kind of seemed like a hippie but it worked in the end with a green top and long skirt. Sadly Sam and I were not dressed for the fair but we did have fedoras...which makes us awesome.

Part of the fun of people being dressed up is going into restaurants and getting very odd looks. We walked into McDonald's to get some breakfast (it was about 8:30 in the morning at the time) and all the girls in their fancy dresses ordered food and such and the old guys there were kind of checking them out. But we got our food and went on our way.

As we walked to the two lines that were formed at the gates a lady comes over randomly and whispers something in my ear about a zipper. I was really confused and asked her to repeat what she said and she said "Your zipper is undone." So I kind of think about it while I'm walking to the back of the line when it finally hits zipper on the front of my pants was undone. I was all morning, went to McDonald's, and sat in the car for hours without noticing my underwear was on display to all. I'm that awesome.

The first thing that we notice when we made our way into the festival (with all our zippers properly zipped I might add) we notice a blue cat fairy kind of girl who communicated by purring. Everyone that passed by she gave them a tiny colorful pebble without anybody really knowing what it was. Was it a fish pebble?...a piece of candy?........drugs?..........Sam actually tried eating his and we still weren't sure.

Off to the booths we went. There were a lot of clothes of course and Andee was desperately trying to dress Sam and I up because we looked totally out of place but that would involve spending money and I was kind of reluctant since I was trying to save mine. Eventually though Sam got a peasants shirt and a robin hood looking hat. (which we later found out actually has a fancy Velcro pocket INSIDE the hat! GENIUS!)I got some goggles though which I put on Andee's fedora and everyone thought it looked pretty cool so now I gotta buy a fedora of my own lol I've been meaning to but now there's more of an incentive.

There was alot going on that day since it was the last day but we only caught one show which was a cool horse show. But before the horse show was the opening entertainment. There were these two girls (one dressed as a peasant and the other as a jester) and they were insulting people with Shakespearean quotes for a dollar and for 2 dollars you could even get insulted in a verse. Anna's mom was the first customer and I was the first victim. I didn't quite catch it all but apparently I am so dense that light bends AROUND me. I then thought it would be fun to pay them to insult a random person I didn't know and payed them to insult a girl that was sitting right infront of me and she just kind of looked back at me and glared lol good times.

The show it self was pretty awesome, guys doing backflips from one horse to another while going in a circle, standing ontop of each others shoulders while on a horse while going in a circle, juggling 5 sticks while on a horse going in a circle, and lots of crazy things not normally done while riding a horse in a cricle.

In the end Andee ended up buying some daggers (everyone was terrified the way home) and everybody ended up with more stuff and less money than when they entered. So that was my day in a little bit bigger than a nut shell.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Last day

Well we are leaving the beach tomorrow. Lucky it finally cleared up since it's been raining soo much. So we did more than just antique shops luckily today, we went and got breakfast at this cool beach view breakfast place, went to the aquarium, and then we went to antique shops lol And then we went off to get dinner at this roadhouse restaurant. I thought I would be daring and try a "flamethrower burger" and asked without the jalapenos but I got the full spicy deal when I got through half and found out they didn't hear that part of the order. Now each time I burp it burns. But then we got back and my sis, mom, and I went for a walk on the beach as the sun kind of sorta started to set. I played in the water as we walked along, splashing and getting wet, my sister stepped her feet in it, and my mom avoided the water at all costs. We just kept walking and I had various thoughts about how walking the beach could be a metaphor. You can look across the beach for such great distances and you can see what lies ahead of you, and it just keeps coming. Even though you walk for hours and hours there's still more to come, still more to explore...but yeah, whatever lol I was assaulted by sand fleas though. When I was little I would run in terror and scream if I saw sand fleas, now I just kind of walk through them as they bounce off my feet. But even still kind of creeps me out on some level...It's like spiders. I'm perfectly fine if I see a spider, I'm just like "Oh look, a spider." but then when I run face first into a web I just kind of claw at my face and then take a showers lol But yeah, can't wait to get back home and hang with people. Andee and Anna are taking me to a renaissance fair ^.^ YAY! It's gonna be butt loads of fun. Knights, swords, horses, girls in corsets, blacksmiths, more girls in corsets....ok, i'll stop being a stupid male lol But I gotta get it out sometimes. Girls are allowed to talk about hot guys all the time and their washboard abs and it just gets shrugged off but guys that talk about boobs once in a blue moon are frowned upon...anyway, yeah lol I guess that shall be enough for now. That's 2 posts in 2 days, craaaaaaaaaaaaazy. I can't think of any other time this has happened, maybe I should like sift through all my posts from the years and check just for the heck of it...or Kelci could for me lol YAY FOR NEW READER! ^.^ Appreciate it

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

existentialism in lincoln city

Well I haven't posted in a while really...Figured I might as well. So I'm on vacation right now in Lincoln City right beside the beach. It really and truly is beautiful. It's been raining pretty much the entire time we've been here and we've just been looking at antique shops pretty much. It's been really boring...But it did clear up around sunset, which leads to a lil story to explain my current situation. So my sister and I went out to the beach while the sun was setting to take pictures and there was a couple walking near the surf. As the waves lap gently at their feet, their bodys faceless as they are nothing but silhouettes to mine and the cameras eye. They turned to look each other as they held hands, these faceless images. Merely looking at them I know of not where they come from, who they are, or even what they look like beyond their simple body figures outlined by the rainbow sky of the sunset. Compared to the size of the sea, to the sun itself setting in the horizon, to the world that encompasses them, they are but a speck. But together they held each other and gazed into each others eyes with love. To face the worlds challenges with nothing but each other. It made me sad. I am at the moment alone in this life of mine. Sure, I'm surrounded by friends and family, but not someone I can just hold and in my arms and have a deep connection with emotionally. I'm so unlike my other species of male sometimes. Heck, even my female friends are more sexual than me, wondering why the heck I don't plan on having sex anytime soon. I just want to feel a connection with someone soo much more badly than I want to get laid. Although I'm not without physical needs, I really want to cuddle as well lol wow I sound like a wimp...But it's true. I'm just missing holding and being held by a girl that really cares for me. I'm really too sappy for my own good...But I don't have too many dating options latelly so I'm really kind of stuck. There is this one girl I think I might ask out though. I wont name any names just in case, you just never know, but we so far have gotten along and had fun together so I figure, what the heck I'll ask. I gotta find the right time though...which is the tricky thing. I'm sure we have our differences, me being agnostic and what not...Every girl I date always has a different belief pretty much. I've dated a mormon, a 2 kinds of catholics, a baptist, a non denominational christian and even a wicca and we've never gotten into debates or anything really. I respect religion greatly even though mines kind of not that accepted by some people...I mean, I accept the possiblility that there is a God, but I personally don't believe in one. Yeah yeah's weird, it's stupid, it's indecisive, but it's what I believe in. But I respect every religion as long as if follows the golden rule: treat others how you wish to be treated. When religion boils down isn't that what it's all about? To respect each other and live in peace and harmony, who the heck would be against that? Even though I don't have a book or church to tell me how to do things I just simply dedicate myself to being the best person I can be. To help others out when ever I can, never judge people unfairly, and ALWAYS live by the golden rule. But I guess even with me being a nice person some people simply wont date me. Oh well...but I'm just gonna keep looking and hopefully it all works out. (Wow I kind of went off topic there lol getting all existential when basically all I wanted to say is "dang it I'm lonely, I need to get a girlfriend..." oh well lol)