Friday, July 29, 2005

TO.othpaste! Bears, Pinecones, and Ebay, Oh My!

Little Jhonnys adventures had been amazing, great, perilous, exciting, chicken filled, and covered in that one egg condimet thing otherwise known as mayo, but he had never faced such a threat as camping in the wild deep wilderness of the outdoors without a flap jack in sight to comnfort him as the bald eagles pelted him with comic books about cellphone related deaths. Setting up the tent that just happed to be made of freeze dried paper bits that were that of those made of a donkey that happened to have alot of pizazz and/or pizzas, which other one is pink on the outside and holds many types of colored reptiles that once relased shall devour all that man has created but what this has to do with camping, noone will ever back to the streakers and the birds and the bees and such that you can find in our fair american wildrness. The oompa loompas were ripe on the vine that fair winter morrow and ready for the lickings by the chocolate covered pinecones (the pinecones really never knew how much pi they could consume so they often stuck their feet up each other ass and danced merrily) and then...well what do you expect them to do? Bear birth to the candy cane king of woopty fricking doo poo skidoo!? THEY ALL ATE EACH OTHERS HAIR AND THEN PEED ON THE SUPERMAN! God you stupid bluetards! (<--- inside joke. if you laughed your a fricking.....bluetard on cheese. and not just any cheese! electronica with a side of dog hair kind of electronica spent with the days of our lives kids and then stuck in a mental institution with the all seeing, all knowing, pancake man!) So.....back to lil Jhonny....he went camping and soon died of a sexually transmitted disease because he ate a pine cone that was covered in a strange sauce...kind of like that actor from space ghost coast to coast....except without the diaper...and the razor sharp jello mold stuck on his head...he suuuuuuuure did like his apples...and lampshades that had a strange foot fungus....but good thing ebay keeps those sorta things in sticl when you really need a cheap laugh at the golden globe awards when Micheal Jackson/Jordan gets stabbed in the face with a quarter inch booger covered in lactic acid! But then again...this has nothing to do with camping so lil Jhonny just killed every living thing within a 93759823702378598237 mile radius, including Tanya Heartfelt Gesture And Then Stab In The Back By Gonads Man-ba-dingo. And then the man-ba-dingo laughed with glee as he slept within the insides of a beehive covered in Steven Kings underwear.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

humor within the heart attack

Burger Kind really is crazy with the "have it your way" slogan. They're all about you having the freedom of having your food any way you want but where do they draw the line? I mean they say "have it your way" as in anyway you want yet they don't have beer, cookies, chocolate bars, deepfried boots, purple mustard, duck, lemon pie, those toothpicks with the little colorful plastic on the end, good old american escargo, or any of the other numerous things that are good on a burger other than lettuce, pickles, ketchup and whatnot! I mean if they wanted it to let us have it OUR way, the least they could do is have more of a choice than burger, chicken, and potatoes. But their ideas have spawed a couple good laughs in their advertising and such. On the back of my french fry box (I suggest they create a new box for frys though cause alot them spill to the bottom of the bag when getting home ><) it says "You have the right to dip these fries in ketchup or mustard or a vanilla shake if thats what turns you on. You have the right to stuff them in your sandwhich or stack them like the boyhood home of Abraham Lincoln. You have the right to have these fries you way, even if that means eating them like a normal human being!" (one more thing. LOKI IS COMING TOMMOROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does a lil dance*)

Friday, July 22, 2005

Something New

It's a song...I guess. It's just something I was thinking and decided to write down and I guess it became a song. It sucks but oh well.

Doesn’t it suck that everything you do
Has already been created
Copied, and reproduced
A million times over
By millions of others

Every thought
Already been thought
Every action taken out
Already worn out
All this you feel is new
Is old and used

You try to be diffrent
But end up being the same
You feel like creating something
Something that actually mattered

You change your clothes
How you look
How you act
Trying to gain attention
So you can show others
That you are diffrent

Every thought
Already been thought
Every action taken out
Already worn out
All this you feel is new
Is old and used

You think your diffrent
Something special
But your nothing
Nothing but a voice in the crowd
So be the loudest of them all!
Shout for all that you have
Show them that

Every thought has not been thought
Every action
Not yet worn out
Not everything that you feel
Has been felt before

Be what you are
And shout it loud!
Yourself is diffrent enough
Don’t try to be diffrent
By being diffrent
Be yourself and be it loud!

Monday, July 18, 2005


This is a short story I've been working on that I based on one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. I felt that in a way, I could relate to this song and that's what inspired me to make a story out of it.(If you want to guess the song, heres a tip: I used word-for-wrd versus from the song in it and hint if you want to guess the band, think of soccer.)

I unlocked the door to my house and walked in as the creaking hinges echoed throughout the emptiness. I stood there for a minute thinking “What was I looking for? I found myself along in the darkness, as I always seemed to be nowadays. Walking into the living room and flipped on the TV to the to the news as I glanced over to a picture of my best friend in the world, Nicole. The picture was of us on a bench in a lush green park, our hands lying beside each other but not touching. Walking into the kitchen I could remember her voice “What’s on your mind?” Maybe it was my loneliness that made the memories of her come rushing back as I stood in front of the sink with my head bowed. Feeling a tear well up in my eye, I stopped myself remembering Nicole’s voice again saying “You’ll be alright.” but I just forced myself to shake it out of my mind by being distracted by listening to the TV announcing the 5 day forecast. “Another sunny day in Cali-for-nia-ay” the weatherman said trying to be cute with his signature saying. “Yeah and I’m sure back him they’d love to see it.” I said with a sigh turning off the TV again and opening the front door and looking over my shoulder to see the dump of a place I lived in the last couple years. The chairs were torn up, most likely why I found them in an alley, the carpet reeked and had a strange urine stain from the previous owner, along with fading floral wallpaper that began to peel off the wall. “Two long years and I’m still empty handed I’m afraid.” with another deep sigh I opened the door and walking into the over powering sunlight of the average California afternoon repeating the weatherman’s line. “Looks like another sunny day in Cali-for-nia-ay.” I walked along the cracked and worn sidewalk leading to the beach. I always liked taking the long way because it gave me time to think and if I timed it just right I could see the setting sun on the horizon. “Back home I always thought I wanted so much more.” I said kicking a can along as I walked. “Now I’m not to sure…” I said as I kicked the can with all my might, hitting a raggedy old poodle laying on a porch. “If only my parents hadn’t kicked me out of the house and forced me to live here.” The place my parents suggested me to live was a hell hole in the hottest city in practically the entire nation. The ad has said it was a clost community with many friendly people. But if you read between the lines, you could tell it was a cramped ghetto/slim where everyone owned a gun and it was not uncommon to hear one go off in the night. The big city wasn’t much better though. There are two types of people in the city, those who live their lifes of fear of falling out of line and those who tear lives apart and break lots of hearts just to pass the time. It made me sick just thinking about them. Balling my hand into a fist I could feel my anger rising. If only they could actually make use of their lives instead of finding pleasure in others pain or nothing but material possessions. What if someone took a baseball bat to their precious car? “Well….let’s just find out shall we?” I said finally allowing myself to unleash my rage. Picking up a good ten pound rock I brought it down on the windshield of brand new red convertible. But I did not stop there. I dropped it again and again on the hood and dragged it across the doors, and finally slamming it down upon the spot less red trunk. I slowly walked away, spitting on the hood as I passed by. I felt as if my eyes got red in the back of my head. I just couldn’t stop myself and did not care what happened. This place can make you blind and for once I allowed it to. Calming down, I put it all behind me and got to the edge of the beach. Slowly I walked out onto the sand, kicking off my tennis shoes so that I could feel the now cool sand between my toes. The sun had already set and all that was left was the tip of the red giant as the moon took its place in the sky, waiting for the sun to dissapear so that it could do its job. The lifeless smile of the moon made me wish even more that it would rain to wash the west coast dreaming from my eyes. All that I had been through, all the days that I had spent were nothing but a waste. The seagulls parted like the red sea as I got to the edge of the beach where the water met the dampened sand and foam. “They just don’t know that what you love is ripped away…before you get a chance to feel it.” I said to myself, the waves drowning out my voice as they crashed upon each other, spraying me with a cold salty mist. Only thoughts of Nicole ran through my head, so many chances missed, so many memories untouched as I had lived the last couple years in my hole, devoting all my time to try and make a decent living. ‘We could have married….we could have had kids….we could have spent ever waking moment together but I was to big of a dumbfuck to notice what was right in front of me for years.’ It’s strange how only when you look back do you notice things. All the subtle hints that she had placed and all her attempts at getting them alone, but he was so focused on the ‘important things’ in his life like worrying about his job, that he simply brushed her off. Sitting down in the moist sand I let the hours fly by as the sky above lit up with stars and the ocean froze my toes as the tide came in. Seagulls came over every now and then to inspect me but they weren’t interested and left me alone. The crashing ocean created a white noise which I concentrated on to try and keep out such depressing thoughts of the days that could have been. The sky darkened as the moon hid behind a dark cloud and the powerful shower of rain fell upon the city and all its inhabitants. Water leaked into the cracked windshield of the smashed up car, the rusty gutters of my home overflowed from being clogged by a dead bird, ferocious dogs became whimpering puppies hiding from the rain as I sat, allowing the rain to cascade over me. “It’s another starry night….in Cali-for-nia-ay.” I smiled, my tears camouflaged by the rain.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

just venting.....

WHY! GOD DAMN IT! WHY! Just because I say Loki's dad is an asshole, he doesn't want her to come to Longview! I can admit that he may have his reasons for what he does and I can see that but why does but does he really have the right to take away my chances of seeing her!? I have been waiting a year, patiently waiting and hoping that the day that I can finally see her to come, but when I'm mere days away I have to fucking screw it up! One stupid slip up, one time that I didn't think to imagine that somehow he would have some how found out what I said, and then THIS happens! Karis still like me I guess although she seemed pretty mad when she found out I had called him an asshole, but is that even enough? I don't want anyone to be mad at me, yet I screw up. This time it was actually in my control whether I could see her or not, and I mess up! The other time when I was so anxious for her to come when she went to a friends party but she couldn't come. But this time it was going to happen untill I said 'asshole'. Am I ever going to see her within the next millenium!? I want to talk to him somehow but Loki doesn't want me to, so I don't. But one day I hope he finds this message, somehow in someway. I WANT TO SEE HER AND IF I WOULD DIE IF I COULD SEE HER FOR 1 MINUTE! But no >.> he can't believe a word I say for an instant because he's so over protective and cannot believe that there is actually an honest, nice, and caring teenage boy in the entire WORLD! I have never lied to Loki in the entire time I have known her, I have never done anything to intentionally hurt her in anyway, I have done nothing but want to hold her for once instead of just imagining it! If I ran into him at this very moment I would not know what to do, beg on my hands and knees for him to let me see her or punch him. But as far as I know, all I can do is sit here, wait, and hope with all my heart that I can finally see her sooner or later, just as I have done for so long...

Friday, July 15, 2005

TO.othpaste! The story of Jhonny Dangerfield

I was hyper for some reason after brushing my teeth (BRUSHING! I did NOT, I swear, did NOT eat the toothpaste even though that sounds like something I would do and what you are about to read may have you think otherwise) and decided to just be myself and write down whatever the hell popped into my head! ENJOY OR FEAR THE FATE OF 23 SKIDOO! O.o

So little billy be brushing his teeth when 'WAM!' a little old mexican man comes in with a roll of quaters and says "Lets go get some rabbits and sell them to sharks!" so little billy and the old man, who soon reveals that he is indeed Jhonny Dangerfield. THey being walking down the street and soon run into Willis from that one show where the midget man is always like "WHAT YOU TALKING BOUT WILLIS!?" who also turns out to be the man who controls the rats AND a monkey...."But Willis my main slap jack, how come your a monkey?" "Well" says the monkey with utmost wisdom "I'm off to the pillow factory to go kill some old people! Because ya know, the most deadly weapon known to old people is a pillow." "You can go ahead and do that pancake mcjack." said the old man as he and billy continued to walk towards the video game arcade. "SO! If only they could somehow make something that allows you to read a book and play a massively violent game at the same time, then einstein would come back to life as a brain sucking mutant in an iron clad groin cup! Because they always say that the loins of a walrus can end up on the greener side of an iceberg." "Yes little billy....but you desperately need to go take you medication before your foot explodes and the evil brittany spears mutants fly from the portal of hell that you have just produced!" Said the old man as he smacked a dance dance revolution mat with a halibut in attempts to beat the game at its own game. But soon they were kicked out by the dumbass geek of a star treck/wars (and they are both actually the same thing, its just a huge conspiracy to cover up that coke and pepsi are also the same company and that mountain dew is actually owned by the billy goats gruff) Deciding that they should go make some peanut butter fudge they went ahead and created a time machine to go back to the time of the pharoas and ask them "What kind of peanut is in the shape of a beetle that is also the name of the hit popular tv show "If only I had a rusty shovel."? But of course the mummy from The Mummy soon destroyed them and took off their feet to make lampshades and lived happliy ever after as he used said lamps to read his captain underpants books.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Just another poem

This is a poem I decided to write just cause I felt like it =P not all that great but I wanted to try out this new rhyming dictionary thing.

your walking down the street
you run into someone you know from a track meet
they called you a slug
looking all so smug
as their friends laughed along
making them fell like they belong
they act all chummy chummy
as if their your buddy buddy
as if the their prods and pokes
were just simple harmless jokes
as if your personality
was just a technicality
they “mess around”
as if your the biggest joke in town
but when their alone
they go ahead and change their tone
like everything they ever said to you
was all just untrue
they do it to be cool
playing you as the fool
putting you down
just so they can be clown

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


Well 4th of July was a let down. My dad lost the launcher to the big fireworks he had bought the pervious year and since we had those my mom only bought one pack of some cheap wal mart fireworks. This year I didn't feel like watching the neighbors, I just felt like there was no real point. I stayed up till after midnight because outside it sounded like a war zone. If I had to estimate how much each of my neighbors spends on fireworks I would guess at least 1,000$ because those things were fucking loud >.< and we had just about 20$ worth of fireworks.

Well something slightly awkward happened while my dad was setting off the fireworks. I was telling my mom for about the millionth time that I was not hitting on 3 sisters at once and then Amanda says "Oh! One time I was talking to Kirstin and she was like 'Guess who I like?' and I said 'who?' and she said 'Your brother! But don't tell him.' " So at this point I'm sitting there slightly confused. A girl.....that I have known for about 6 months but have not talked to till recently...has a crush on ME?....Then my mom says "You should go out with her. Who knows if you'll ever even see Loki." But then here comes my o so loving sister "I told her she would be better off dating a llama. I don't want one of my friends going out with him!" v.v yeah...see why I say that 'brothers annoy their sisters and sisters spread rumors to make sure their brothers never get a date'? I mean I probably won't go out with her because I already like Loki (Plus that would be awkward going out with her for 3 weeks then Loki comes and it's like "Meet the girl I have loved for almost a year and have been counting down the days one by one until I could see her!), but does she really have to say that I am less date-able than a llama!? If I never met Loki I would have gone out with Kirstin in a heartbeat just to spite her for that! (I mean shes cute and nice and all but...still a LLAMA!?) Now back to my moms comment. Loki IS coming and I DO love her. We may not have a normal relationship but I'm willing to put in the energy and time until we can...somehow. Who knows what the future will bring and all I can do is hope for the best. I'm just gonna hold and and see what happens and hopefully someday things will be diffrent...

Monday, July 04, 2005

Merry 4th of July!

The last couple of days the annual 4th of July flea market has been held at Lake Sacajewea (i think thats how you spell it...its the same name as that indian girl Lewis and Clark took with them) and my kung fu academy has a booth down there which people can sign up to volunteer at. I've gone to it a couple times and its actually pretty fun. Everybody just sits back, talks, drinks pop and occasionaly give out flyers. The first day my friend Zac, his girlfriend Kelly (who's also my cousin),my friend Marty, and Sifu were there and nothing much happened. We had the body bags out and people came around to punch them and after a while Zac and Kelly decided to get something to eat (after Kelly tested her blood sugar) and just left Sifu, Marty and I there untill Sifu decided to leave also once they came back. Kelly had a burger and Zac already drank his MD (dang...I wanted to steal some). Kelly kept complaining about how her burger was crappy and then Zac started telling these really gross jokes just to bug Kelly who was like "I'm eating here!". Marty told some of his odd storys about the things he's done and offered to make ninja masks out of an extra shirt. (One time his mom gave him money to get his hair cut but he was hungry and spent it on McDonalds. So too keep his mom from finding out he had his friend shave his head for him) When my shift was over, I decided to stay because my friend Ean (I'm not sure how to spell his name.) had the next shift along with 2 of his sisters. Me and Ean decided to practice some jujitsu on the grass next to the booth when we got bored. The first round we both got each other in the same headlock side by side and I could just barely say "Lets call it a tie." and then the next one I locked him in the most perfect guard I had ever done. Later we did some kicks on the body bags to show some stuff to people and I did #2 form (the form that got me the nickname Eric 'intensity') Then after a while I tried to kick the dummy in the head but I slipped and my ribs hit the hard plstic base. ow >.<>.> your just sitting on their chest. Although....we did get some strange stares from passing by people...) We caught our breath, walked back to the booth and watched Rodney play with his frisbee yo-yo thing. It was a frisbee with stretchy string in the middle and you throw it and try and catch it when it comes back although knowing Rodney, what happened was not a surprise. Now let me tell you about Rodney before I go on. Rodney is of course in Kung Fu with me and has an interesting reputation. Everytime he comes to class he somehow gets hurt in someway whether it be by someone else or himself trying to do one of his strange stunts. Hes almost shattered the mirror, hes been rammed head first into the wall, hes been poked in the eye, hes been sat on, you name it, its happened to him. So of course hes playing with his frisbee thing...and he gets hurt. Hurt soo many times I actually decided to keep score.
he hit himself in:
  • the face/head 9 times
  • knee 8 times
  • spine 2
  • stomache 8
  • groin 13 (he beat his record!)
  • hit 6 people
  • and strangled himself 3 times

You think he would learn after the 15 minutes >.> or...hour. Even after he headbutted it and nearly snapped it in half he just taped it and started playing with it again. Our fun died down once Rodeny eventually put away his frisbee yo-yo and we ended up stuffing ice down each others shirts since thats all that was left in the ice box. Not many people came around that day since someone had stolen the body bags during the night. Even though Sifu said "Naw. Nobodys gonna steal em! Their so heavy and theres security." but loe and behold! their gone the next night. Now thats ironic.