Saturday, March 26, 2005

intro gone story (a.k.a. follow your heart)

The moon slipped out from behind a puffy white cloud, enlightening the rolling hills below. Its halo of light brightening the sky around it as if it was day, its dim light cascading down and casting the field in a faint glow. The tall yellow grass sprouted from the ground about a foot as a meandering trail left behind leads to a young dragon boy hidden away under the meadow. He looked to the heavens above, the stars twinkling in his dark brown eyes, eyes that seemed to dip down to boundless depths surrounding him in a slight air of mystery. He looked to the moon and smiled a warm comforting smile that could befriend even the most unapproachable of characters. With his hand he brushed his medium length brown hair from his eyes, revealing his short curved horns. Sitting up he hugged his legs close to him, unfolding his red wings stretching them a bit as his long tail swished from side to side rustling the grass behind him. He appeared to be 15 years old and wore the typical set of cloths for his age. On his back he had a light brown jacket with a plain white T-shirt and had a pair of dark blue cargo pants with slightly ripped up legs. He wore a pair of old scuffed up tennis shoes and a black collar necklace as well. Looking to moon again he seemed to get lost in its comforting glow as he sat there in absolute silence aside from the bitter breeze. A breeze so chilling that it would cause others to shiver, yet he seemed to embrace and become empowered from it. Humming to himself he just sat there and smiled as if not a care in the world, as if he was sitting side by side with the girl he loved as he smiled to the moon. “If only she was here…” he said, his voice trailing off in the wind. Placing his hand on his shoulder he felt her touch, he felt her soft cheeks pressing against his own, he felt her caring embrace as her imaginary ghost held him tightly. As fast as a crack of the whip, suddenly the breeze kicked up into a powerful gust so all that could be heard was the white noise of the wind whipping through the grass snapping him out of his dream like state. Attempting to challenge the wind, he stood up slowly but surely, facing the wind head on as his hair blew about wildly. As he planted his feet firmly he began shouting to the wind “Is this all that you got! Is this all the strength that you can muster!” as he trudge forward, one straining step after another. The more he pushed onward the stronger the wind got, soon plants were being ripped out by the roots flying backwards like dandelions and soon, the very sound of it was unbearably earsplitting. Looking up he noticed a rather large tree only 30 feet away, not being in a particularly good position to question why he had not noticed such a enormous site before, he decided not to question a good thing. Dropping down onto all fours he dug his nails deep into the dirt, folded his wings tight against his back to become more streamlined, and powered on. Slowly making his way to the tree inch by inch what could have been minutes seemed hours to him, yet never once stopping to ask himself why he was fighting such an unbeatable force. In his mind he believed he could not win yet in his heart he was all but certain that there was hope for him, and that’s all the strength he needed to continue to move onward. As came within arms length of the tree, with one great leap, he reached out and clung to the tree tightly. Trying with all his might to hold on suddenly as rapid as the wind picked up, it began to fade gradually until it was no more than a faint warm breeze. Pausing for a second trying to comprehend what had just happened, he looked about wide eyed as if expecting a ghost to jump out of nowhere. All of a sudden he broke out in hysterical laughter letting go of the tree and rolling about on the ground. Seeming to be caught up in a great fit of joy as he laughed and laughed as if he was a small boy again. He did not know why he was laughing exactly, but he laughed on anyway. As his laughter faded away he sat up and inspected the tree before him. The tree appeared to be ancient and near to death yet it stood there unmoving even in the powerful wind that had passed. Jumping up he hung off one of the branches to test it. It seemed solid enough so he jumped up onto it and made his way to the top. After reaching about half way he looked down to see how far he had ascended. “It’s really a great view from up here.” he said to himself looking out to see the field below marveling at the shadows dancing about as the wind caused the meadow to move like one giant wave. Just sitting there he was in a state of complete serenity as his mind seemed free from its constant cycle of ever thinking. Sitting there he felt as if time had stopped, as if he would never have to worry of anything ever again. Temporarily losing sense of time he sat there for what was hours yet to him everything seemed to happen within seconds. Leaning back he looked skyward to the stars above and snapped out of his state of tranquility as he noticed something out of the usual. The tree seemed to have grown by at least 25 feet without him noticing. Standing up, he jumped up to the branch above him and stood for a second as if expecting the tree to react. Staring down the tree he stood there waiting. Scratching his head he looked down to the ground again seeing if anything had changed but as he looked up again the tree seemed to grow again. Reaching up to grab the branch above his head he pulled himself up as the tree grew again before his very eyes. Climbing another branch the tree grew again. Speeding his pace up a bit the tree grew even faster as if the tip of it was running away from him yet teasing him to try and catch it. Hopping from one branch to another upwards it grew faster and faster. Soon he was almost flying up the tree with its tip always just barely out of reach. The game of tag soon led up to great heights and into the clouds as his brow moistened with sweat. Never looking down, he powered on just because in his gut he felt that there was something at the end, but not knowing exactly what was not going to stop him. Abruptly the branch stopped growing just below a small white cloud. Slowing his ascent, he made his way up the last couple branches of the tree. Breathing heavily, near the point of collapsing, he tried his best to catch his breath and poked his head through the bottom of the cloud. Still catching his breath he scanned the cloud and what he saw really took his breath away. Surrounded by the infinite splendor of the stars and the ever smiling moon was beauty defined. It was her. As he stood there awestruck, he could to form words while she sat with her back to him looking out to the stars. She seemed to be sitting on the cloud as if it was solid. Not even caring about the fact that he was merely standing on fog, he lifted himself up onto the cloud and walked over to her. He could not believe his eyes but he believed in his heart it truly was her and that’s all that really mattered. He walked over to her, again at a loss words, and sat beside her. They both continued to gaze at the stars as he placed his arm across her shoulders and smiled with tears in his eyes. Looking to him she smiled as well as she rested her head on his shoulder with the same joyful tears forming. Words were not needed as they sat there together in the moons comforting glow. He did not know if this was a dream or if it was reality but it did not matter. All that he cared about was that they were together and nothing else mattered. Just sitting there in silence . Not able to hold the tears back any longer he whispered softly “I love you….” as tears began to roll down her cheeks as well “I love you too….” as they sat there forever, never wishing the moment to end.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Just felt like making a post

I feel really depressed right now. Ive been thinking about Loki all night and I want to talk to her but I dont want to get her in trouble again for calling late. To put it in the simplest terms possible I just feel like I need a hug right now. Im trying to do my poetry homework but all I write about is about her. Like "her words as loving as a kiss" "her touch as gentle as a feather" "my thoughts as deep as a well" I also wrote a poem (since its poetry homework) about her and it sucks but I dont give a flip who reads this right now.

To feel
as if a hole has been filled
blossoming like a flower
with each passing word
her whisper
like a warm summers breeze
dreaming of nothing
but her
life is unfair
as she was ripped away
like a bandage
leaving a sting
and reopening the wound
caused by life
without her

Its stupid, it sucks, its free verse and thats the only kind i can write, dont say its good cause theres no way in hell im going to believe anyone. Its just one of those moments where I would give anything to be with her right now. Its strange really. I think constantly of the ways that we are different and how never seeing her has changed the way we feel about each other. Its as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what about absence of something that was never there to begin with yet you feel it all the same? Everyday I do not talk to her it feels more and more like I imagined it all. How long we have felt this way towards each other just my mind playing tricks on me. Most of the time I know in my heart I love her but sometimes its hard to hold onto that feeling. It slips from my grasp and is replaced with doubt, emptiness, sorrow, and a great feeling of being totally alone in the world. At these times I dont know what to think. I try to power through and do what needs to be done in my everyday life like homework and kung fu and so on and so forth but its tough. Sometimes I just want to just say "screw it!" and forget about everything and have no worries. Life is strange how there is always something to worry about. When your a kid you dont register in your brain what might be coming while as you get older your responsibilities pile up and you are forced to worry about your job and money and the government and even on vacation where you try to get away theres still the day you have to go back and worry about finishing that statement at work. Then when your old you worry about diying and how your kids will pay for your funeral. All there is to do in life is worry about whats going to happen. Theres never a single moment when you can have no worries and actually relax. At times I am able to go outside and just stare at the moon and feel calm and get away from my worries but as soon as that moon is blocked by closed doors im back to living a stressful life just like everyother human being. We have been enslaved by our own system. All I wish for right now with all my heart is to be able to quit doubting myself and my love for Loki but I cant untill that one day I can look her in the eye and hold her. That day will come soon and hopefully we can both last untill then.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Monarchs and Drunken Irish

The last 4 days have been really busy for me. My schools baskteball team the Monarchs made it to state this year and the pep band got a chance to play at all the games. The first day on wednesday we drove up and I sat with my friends Andrew (Possum), Deric, Josh, and Stephanie on the way up and back. We played 20 questions most of the way and I really cofused everybody including myself when I thought cotton came from sheep and was never alive and when Andrew argued that ragu is more of a tomato sauce then a paste (which is yet to be determined). Then some people start driving beside us on my side of the bus and started honking their horn so by reflex I look out and this guys naked fat ass was pressed against the window. Too bad I was trying to keep myself from going blind and forgot to get the license plate number. After a couple hour drive we made it up to the Tacoma dome, got our instuments off the bottom of the bus, and headed in. Inside the dome was huge and the ceiling was at least 100 feet high if not more. As the game got started we sat down and got ready to play as someone passed a big bag of peanuts around. Everybody made a mess and the floor had half an inch of peanut shells on the ground. We won the game against Renton 61 to 58. There was a little cheering here and there but it wasnt all that exciting. Driving home Josh and I bugged Stephanie by trying to steal her hair band cause for some reason she hides if she doesnt have a pony tail. The second day it was just me and Deric cause Andrew forgot to sign up and Josh and Nibblet (Stephanie) got stuck in the back. We played hangman for a while and got bored of it pretty fast so the last one I did was 1 letter and Deric said "I dont want to play anymore. I dont know.....Z I guess." and he got it right lol. The game was pretty good as we crushed the Sedro-Woolley cubs 68-41. We were a little more enthusiastic this time but still wasnt all that amazing really but it was a great game. On the way back it had been raining and the sun was just setting so the sun was shining off the road and we say 4 seperate crashes on the road. 1 of them happening right in front of us. From what I heard I dont think there were any deaths cause the crashes werent all that bad but there were a few minor injuries. After getting back to school my mom picked us up and we headed to taco time n.n On day 3 everybody was starting to get tired but the bus ride was still pretty fun with Andrew back. We played 20 questions some more and Deric won in 3 questions (he just lucky!) The game was definately one of the better ones Ive seen. We were playing Rainier Beach, I think they made it to finals last year, and who were possibly one of the toughest teams at the tournament. The odd thing was most of our guys were white and wore white jerseys while Rainier Beach was mostly black guys with black jerseys so there were alot of wierd things come from our head screamers mouth Myels, and boy does he got some powerful lungs. He shouted things like "Put the whip to them!" and "Once you go black you never go back although white is alright!" or one of the real crowd pleasers "Michael Jackson is more black than you!" During half time we were about to play "Gimmie Some Lovin" but once of the trombone players started playing "Hey Baby" and screwed us up. After finishing the song , with a couple screw ups, the other band started playing "Hey Baby"! So we did what we always did during Hey Baby........we sang. We sang loud, proud, and out of key! We got alot of funny looks from the crowd and one guy even pretended to conduct us but our drum major just laughed and gave us the loser sign. After laughing our asses off half time weas over and the game was back on. Rainier Beach played a tough game, we got fouled alot after the second quarter, but in the end we won 56-44 and the band exploded. Everybody was flipping out that we finally made it to state finals and we made sure everybody in the dome knew and we were even live on seattle news! The drum major gave us the V and we got ready to play our fight song "Go Vandals" which we played as loud as we could. Too bad for the person right infront of the trombone and trumpet section.....On the bus we screamed our selfs even more hoarse as we did a couple cheers and flashed the V for victory at the other band and shouted at them some more. Then as they were leaving the entire bus flipped us off. Their such sore losers but it was one of the funniest sites I have ever seen. We started singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall as we got on the highway but it died at 93 bottles and we got to what everybody calls "Roller Coaster drive" on the way out of Tacoma and we put our hands up and screamed on the way down pretending to be on a roller coaster. Yeah I know we're freaks....but it was fun! We did a few waves then sang our pep music where each person pretended to be their own instrument. It was actually pretty good for being really stupid. We sang hey baby, low rydder, rock and roll part 2, and fun zone and we just laughed and shouted half way home. A few mac trucks went by and everybody tried to get them to blow their horn but all we got out of them was a couple quick toots. Also later on suddenly everybody screamed "HOOTERS!!!!" as we drove it and for some reason some asked who was hooters so Cory, as he usually does, provided the answer in a somewhat wierd fashion "Its a family reastraunt!" After everyone calmed down Andrew was telling some jokes from a internet cartoon red vs. blue. My favorite one was "We're in the middle of know where! You cant pick up chicks with a tank!?" After we ran out of things to talk about Andrew and I just sat there as Deric and Alec who sat behind us slept. I dont know how we got on the subject but we started talking about the meaning of life and how it should be spent. I never could tell that Andrew was really that deep and thoughtful cause usually hes a extremely strange hyper super genius but I helped him with a few things that were bothering him and then we talked about video games lol. Finally getting back home I trudged to my bedroom and flopped my bed and fell asleep. It had been a exhausting day and I could barely talk from all the shouting we did. Waking up early the next day I just couldnt wait for the game. I went through my normal day and went outside to mow the lawn. I had been thinking of the night before and thought up a new saying "Dont judge a book by its cover and dont judge a author by his book." but after that I was too excited to just sit down and think. I got my backpack ready with a couple pops for my friends and I, a pillow, and my MP3 player. I put it on and I see a flashlight on my floor and think to myself "I guess I'll bring that flashlight just for the heck of it." so I stuck that in there to. My mom drove me to the school and when we got in the band room Mr. Swecker brang out 3 slightly eaten cakes as he said "Everybody get sugared up!" There was carrot cake, chocolate cake with creme filling and vanilla frosting, and chocolate with chocolate frosting and all 3 had writing on it like "Happy birthday!" or "Have a good retirment!" but hey it was good cake at least! Walking around I noticed the board said "From the seattle times" and a arrow pointing to a picture of one of Rainier Beaches guys screaming that they lost and the text under it said "We could have won if we had a band as good as theirs!"It was a good laugh and I think Mr. Swecker really liked it. We got on the bus and I sat with Nibblet while Josh got stuck with one of the annoying twins Kyel....or was it Meyls?.....but anyways, she brought her gameboy and we played super mario bros. taking turns. A bunch of people passed around pringles, cookies, and pop. Then we stopped at a strip mall with a bunch of reastraunts and Mr. Swecker gave all of us some money the school provided for food. Josh, Nibblet, and I went to god fathers pizza and ordered a medium pepperoni and talked about sushi and stuff. Afterwards we went over to DQ and Nibblet and I pooled our money together to get some milk shakes but we didnt have enough for tax so I bribed Andrew who just walked in with some candy I got from a play till you win game at godfathers pizza for a couple quarters. We got back on the road once everybody got back and Mr. Swecker passed out bags of candy to share he got from the dollar store. After about half an hour we saw the 13 mile sign for Tacoma and suddenly when we hit a bump and the bus started beeping to indicate something is wrong. We turned onto a pull off ramp and checked it over to find that there was a problem with the air brakes. The bus driver gets back on and says "I forgot my emergency pack. Does anyone happen to have a falshlight?" so I was like "..........I have a flashlight!" so I gave it to her and someone also happened to have some electrical tape and a shoelace. It was like fate or we were off again. We unloaded as usual and right when they opened the doors for us we gave out a roar and made our way in to find that nobody heard us cause the game was on the other side of the dome. So we walked on over and got ready for the game. As usual we were the bigger band of the 2 and we played really good but our team didnt. We were playing O'Dea, last years state champions. It was a huge all guy private school and they were loud. They were screaming,cheering,pounding on chairs, it felt like an earthquake. Our team good the first half at 24-22 and at we kept them behind by at least a couple points for a while untill the 3rd quarter with 3:35 they over took us 31-30 and it went downhill from there. In the end we played a good game but lost 60-48. I was always use to being the team that crushed the other guys with a come from behind victory but the tables had turned. But we had gotten 2nd in state and thats still a great acheivment. Now we can run it in R.A. Long and Kelsos face! We werent exactly excited but we werent exactly sad either just a little disapointed. It was our last pep game for the year and we had lost. I feel bad for the seniors since this is their last game period while us freshman still have 3 more years. We got on the bus and Beca, one of our drum majors, gave a speech about how great we did and how she proud of us all and how shes going to miss us. Everybody clapped for her and she even started to cry. We gave a couple good cheers then got on the highway. Stephanie and I played Mario somemore (i just could help but laugh thinking of peanut butter) and I finally beat the part she had been stuck on for a while. We listened to my music and it turns out she likes New Found Glory and Green Day. I was surprised really cause she usually only listens to country but soon my battery ran out. Ive been kinda thinking maybe I might, keywords being might and kinda!, ask Stephanie out. Ill have to work on not being so disgusting and wierd around her before she will even consider the idea without going "EWWWWWWWWWWW!" but I have a feeling that after the trip she finds me slightly less gross....very slightly. We got back to Longview and there were a couple cheers seeing the welcome sign and we made our we back to the school. We put our instruments back in our lockers, had some more cake, and went home. There were alot of sad faces from the seniors but hopefully they can have just as good experiences in college band as they did high school. It was kinda symbolic as they gently placed their instruments away and walked to their cars glancing back at the band room. I know someday that day will come for me to and well I'm gonna make sure I will have a good time while I can. I guess believe it or not ive found out what school spirit really is now although I still do not believe in school rivalry its really more how supportive you are of the others around you. I know the day will come when I go to my final pep game and I dont get to see my friends again, or dance around like a wierdo during half time, or enjoy the fight over the candy Swecker throws out, or scream my head off and stomp around just because I can, but I will untill that last state game where if we win or lose I will just smile and do a victory lap around the track.