A song I wrote recently, Alec is helping me compose it. Latelly I have really turned to song writing, I've written three sets of lyrics including this one. Maybe I'll write enough and create a sepereate blog for them...who knows.
Yellow Line
Walk alone, stand on the line but never let go.
As we walk this path in between such danger,
everything seems blurred,
and all gets so much stranger.
As the death of metal swoops by on each side,
this yellow line is all that keeps me alive,
because I simply can’t decide.
Torn between choices,
each as dangerous as the last,
traffic on either side,
trying to escape from the past.
As the death of metal swoops by on each side,
this yellow line is all that keeps me alive,
because I simply can’t decide.
(Increase tempo)
Take a chance and jump into traffic,
which side is safer?,
either way might be tragic…
Walking this line is all that keeps me safe,
I have never truly decided,
walking this line,
I am purely divided.
(Instrumental solo)
As the death of metal swoops by on each side,
this yellow line is all that keeps me alive,
because I simply can’t decide.
As the death of metal swoops by on each side,
this yellow line is all that keeps me alive,
because I simply can’t decide.
So I jumped…
(decrescendo out)
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Sunday, August 13, 2006
the night of the star fall and rebirth
For once in years, I am not wearing a necklace that Loki has given me. Ever since breaking up I've had to do my own soul searching, finding my self and finding the strength. I am now wearing my own dragon necklace, one I've had for years but never wore because I wanted to wear Loki's instead and I've taken down the pictures that she drew for me and put them in a special box along with other memories. The necklace not as cool looking and it has a red stone the same color as the other dragon but it's smaller. I guess recently I've began to really learn that Loki wasn't the only one that loved me because I have my friends there for me. Kim, Melinda, Alec, Chloe, Molly, and Joel to some degree, they all love me as a friend and I guess now more than ever I realize that. Latelly I've just been thinking about this whole love thing. I loved Loki, theres no doubt about that and if anyone says I didn't truly love her I will smack them so fucking I'll break their jaw. I loved Loki and I still do, there no doubt about that, but I'm not letting us breaking up tear me down. I'm finding my own strength and my friends are there to. Loki will still be with me in a way and I'm glad for that because it helped me get over the initial shock of the break up. But now, with the experience and confidence Loki has given me I am going out to experience the world again. "Burn and start again" is a lyric I have stuck in my head latelly. I am not destroying the memories I have of her because they gave me soo much joy, there is no reason to rid my mind of them, that is why I am keeping the special box. Loki will always be in my heart, but now I know she doesn't have to be the only one that helps give me strength. I thank all my friends and I'm glad all of you stick with me in my times of need. Now I guess I'm out to find new experiences and even though it doesn't seem right, but I'm excited. I guess I'm going to go out dating again, but I'm not going to want an extrememly serious relationship. I guess now I'm finally taking my dads advice...I don't think I could handle another serious relationship, at least not now. Plus I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to replace Loki because that is NOT WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO! I just want to make that clear to anyone I know who might stumble upon this. All I'm going to do is get some new experiences under my belt and just kind of figure out what exactly the world holds...I want to see other perspectives, meet new people, figure myself out, and just plain have fun. (but not at their expense or anything of course) And I wish to thank Loki for all of this, because even though we did not work out she is the one that gave me soo much joy and made me who I am today. I am the poetic, sappy, loveable, huggable, weirdo that I am today and I owe you soo much...my Kittymunk...I just want you to know that...
(Some people may have heard me mention a Luvs List. It's something I've been doing with a few of my friends that are more than friends, but friends I luv. This list isn't exactly all that long but you will know if your on it if I leave you saying "Luvs ya" or something along those lines [although not with guys...because no offense to them but I don't want to seem gay. Although this does make me seem sorta gay I admit...but I don't want to seem out right "i love your purse" kind of gay. {although I am not against gays in anyway, I just don't want to seem like I am}])
(Some people may have heard me mention a Luvs List. It's something I've been doing with a few of my friends that are more than friends, but friends I luv. This list isn't exactly all that long but you will know if your on it if I leave you saying "Luvs ya" or something along those lines [although not with guys...because no offense to them but I don't want to seem gay. Although this does make me seem sorta gay I admit...but I don't want to seem out right "i love your purse" kind of gay. {although I am not against gays in anyway, I just don't want to seem like I am}])
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
journal for once in a 100 years
Well I wanted to write one of these for the lack of one in months upon months. Well I guess the biggest change yet would definately have to be Loki and I breaking up. I don't want to go into too much detail because I know I will rant on and on and on. She says that I was too nice to her for all the things shes done, and I guess I would have to agree with that. I was scared because this was my first relationship and I hardly knew what to do 50% of the time, so I was nice as I possibly could be and never really layed down the law so to speak when she did something I didn't agree with. I was being way too sugar coated and clingy in a way. We're still friends and that helps me...I still love her more than anything and I always will but I eventually I will move on. I may be sad now but I refuse to give up on myself and even if it takes a while, I know things will get better. Loki will always be in my heart for all that she had done for me. She as the first to ever truly love me for who I am, she knew me better than even Joel who I've known since kindergarten, she taught me to be myself and how to be more open in what I really think and believe, and one of my favorites is she taught me to finally be able to stand up to the assholes that try and make fun of me instead of being silent.
Well ok enough of that, I've done well enough not to dwell on things too much already and I don't want to be depressed because thats not going to help me or anyone around me...But onto other recent events I suppose. I went to the Clark County Fair yesterday and Alice Cooper had a concert! XD Loki is jealous. I would have told her about it but I didn't even know that he was playing until I heard Schools Out For Summer was playing and giant balloons were flying everywhere ^^; sorry Loki, I would have told ou if I knew. But ya know...maybe I'm a point or two cooler now. And while we were at the fair we bought a hot tub!!! n.n YAY! Getting a gazeebo thingy and putting in a patio majiger. Although whats not awesome is having to tear up the lawn with shovels all day in the hot sun to be able to put it in x.x ugh, blisters. But it is totally gonna be worth it ^^ HOT TUB PARTY!!! mwhuahahaha o.O I will be the party master for once!
Now on the subject of hot tubs, my friend Molly and I are trying to start a band sometime in the future. Originally se wanted an irish punk band but seeing as noone can play bag pipes we're just going to make music hat sounds good to us which partly explains our name, Hot Tub Orgy, an orgy of musical tastes ^^ So far we got trumpet, guitar, keyboard, and a vocalist. Although we gotta get to practiing our indivdual instruments seeing as Joel doesn't practice much, Molly hasn't sung for nearly a year and even then she didn't even know note names, then Brittany needs to learn keyboard in the first place. I'm probably the best player in the band amazingly...
But yeah, thats about all except maybe school coming and all...weee...
Well ok enough of that, I've done well enough not to dwell on things too much already and I don't want to be depressed because thats not going to help me or anyone around me...But onto other recent events I suppose. I went to the Clark County Fair yesterday and Alice Cooper had a concert! XD Loki is jealous. I would have told her about it but I didn't even know that he was playing until I heard Schools Out For Summer was playing and giant balloons were flying everywhere ^^; sorry Loki, I would have told ou if I knew. But ya know...maybe I'm a point or two cooler now. And while we were at the fair we bought a hot tub!!! n.n YAY! Getting a gazeebo thingy and putting in a patio majiger. Although whats not awesome is having to tear up the lawn with shovels all day in the hot sun to be able to put it in x.x ugh, blisters. But it is totally gonna be worth it ^^ HOT TUB PARTY!!! mwhuahahaha o.O I will be the party master for once!
Now on the subject of hot tubs, my friend Molly and I are trying to start a band sometime in the future. Originally se wanted an irish punk band but seeing as noone can play bag pipes we're just going to make music hat sounds good to us which partly explains our name, Hot Tub Orgy, an orgy of musical tastes ^^ So far we got trumpet, guitar, keyboard, and a vocalist. Although we gotta get to practiing our indivdual instruments seeing as Joel doesn't practice much, Molly hasn't sung for nearly a year and even then she didn't even know note names, then Brittany needs to learn keyboard in the first place. I'm probably the best player in the band amazingly...
But yeah, thats about all except maybe school coming and all...weee...
Monday, August 07, 2006
Failing Flailing by Streetlight Manifesto
ah you say you've got the cure,
but i don't have a disease,
and you say you've got the answers,
but i've made no inquiries,and you're failing,
bailing,
good god motherfucker now i hear you flailing,
i see you flailing,
that's right i think i do,
i see you flailing away,
i know it's hard but so are you,
and so am i and we'll pull through together,
Together,
and i said that it's been years but i still fear,
that someone dear will leave me here forever,
forever and i said: hey! you've got to keep trying,
you've got to keep holding onto what you've got,
because what you've got it sure ain't a lot,
and hey!,
everyone's falling down,
everyone's holding out for what you've got,
but what you've got, it sure ain't a lot,
and you act like it is but you know that it's not,
and even if it was,
would you ever give it up?,
if i told you what you had was really nothing?
nothing?,
nothing!,
yes, it's nothing,
nothing at all,
so you say your life's a bore,
and i can't quite disagree,
if you judge your life by the pieces of shit that inhabit your tv,
because they stand so proud,
and they talk too loud,
and every other word is a lie,
i've found that everyone who is anyone is a waste of time,
a waste of time,
i know it's hard but so are you,
and so am i and we'll pull through together,
together,
and i said that it's been years but i still fear,
that someone dear will leave me here forever,
forever and i said: hey! you've got to keep trying,
you've got to keep holding onto what you've got,
because what you've got it sure ain't a lot,
and hey!,everyone's falling down,
everyone's holding out for what you've got,
but what you've got,
it sure ain't a lot,
and you act like it is but you know that it's not,
and even if it was,
would you ever give it up?,
if i told you what you had was really nothing?,
nothing?,nothing!,
yes, it's nothing,
nothing at all,
nothing,
you won't say nothing,
you don't say nothing,
and that's just fine,
nothing,
you won't say nothing,
you don't say nothing,
and that's just fine,
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me,
and it's been years but still i fear that someday they'll desert me,
oh, it's hard,
i know,
when it's time to stand alone,
and no one understands you,
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me,
and it's been years but still i fear that someday they'll desert me,
oh, it's hard,
i know,when it's time to stand alone,
and no one understands you,
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me,
and it's been years but still i fear that someday they'll desert me,
oh, it's hard,
i know,when it's time to stand alone,
and no one understands you,
but i don't have a disease,
and you say you've got the answers,
but i've made no inquiries,and you're failing,
bailing,
good god motherfucker now i hear you flailing,
i see you flailing,
that's right i think i do,
i see you flailing away,
i know it's hard but so are you,
and so am i and we'll pull through together,
Together,
and i said that it's been years but i still fear,
that someone dear will leave me here forever,
forever and i said: hey! you've got to keep trying,
you've got to keep holding onto what you've got,
because what you've got it sure ain't a lot,
and hey!,
everyone's falling down,
everyone's holding out for what you've got,
but what you've got, it sure ain't a lot,
and you act like it is but you know that it's not,
and even if it was,
would you ever give it up?,
if i told you what you had was really nothing?
nothing?,
nothing!,
yes, it's nothing,
nothing at all,
so you say your life's a bore,
and i can't quite disagree,
if you judge your life by the pieces of shit that inhabit your tv,
because they stand so proud,
and they talk too loud,
and every other word is a lie,
i've found that everyone who is anyone is a waste of time,
a waste of time,
i know it's hard but so are you,
and so am i and we'll pull through together,
together,
and i said that it's been years but i still fear,
that someone dear will leave me here forever,
forever and i said: hey! you've got to keep trying,
you've got to keep holding onto what you've got,
because what you've got it sure ain't a lot,
and hey!,everyone's falling down,
everyone's holding out for what you've got,
but what you've got,
it sure ain't a lot,
and you act like it is but you know that it's not,
and even if it was,
would you ever give it up?,
if i told you what you had was really nothing?,
nothing?,nothing!,
yes, it's nothing,
nothing at all,
nothing,
you won't say nothing,
you don't say nothing,
and that's just fine,
nothing,
you won't say nothing,
you don't say nothing,
and that's just fine,
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me,
and it's been years but still i fear that someday they'll desert me,
oh, it's hard,
i know,
when it's time to stand alone,
and no one understands you,
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me,
and it's been years but still i fear that someday they'll desert me,
oh, it's hard,
i know,when it's time to stand alone,
and no one understands you,
sticks and stones may break my bones,
but names will never hurt me,
and it's been years but still i fear that someday they'll desert me,
oh, it's hard,
i know,when it's time to stand alone,
and no one understands you,
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