Thursday, October 20, 2005

Same ol' and nobody really cares probably.

Yeah I know absolutely nobody reads this stuff unless I twist their arm, but I'm gonna write anyways. Loki's birthday is coming up soon and I've been working on my present although I know for sure whatever her is its going to blow mine out of the water and make me feel guilty because she says shes been working on hers for weeks. I just feel bad cause mine is just lousy and its more sentimental but I've done better stuff for her. I suppose this can be her pay back for the locket I bought her. I don't think she knows how much it costs luckily or else she would probably hurt me...maybe, I'm not quite sure but I'm not gonna take any chances (and for any random people that might want to read this for some weird reason, she hates it when I buy her stuff and the more expensive the more she hates it but she still likes the item.) I'm going start planning out my christmas present now so that it can be really good. Ugh, it's hard for me to write lately. I just haven't had as much insperation since school started because I'm too tied up in school work rather than sitting around thinking and talking to myself. Plus I haven't been able to talk to Loki as much so I just feel...bad. Like I was woken up too early and I'm all cranky and a hint of depression. I'm going to call her tommorow though because it's drives me nuts when we don't talk. It feels like the last year and 2 months have just never happened when I don't talk to her. I want to have a meaning full conversation but I'm just no good at talking on the phone. I can chat on yahoo because I'm a god writer and you can think before you send your IM and in person I can actually do facial expressions and do stuff but on the phone it's like standing there talking, not moving your body or face an inch and talking, just awkward...But as she keeps saying she will teach me to talk on the phone. I just hate long distance, especially time zones. It always screws me up because I have to plan 3 hours ahead and she can only be on till about 6 and I get home at 3 so thats only about maybe 3 at max but usually theres dinner and other distractions so it's only like maybe 2 - 1.5 hours compared to our 6 hour conversations back in the summer. There's still weekends and fridays I suppose when she can stay up longer but still, it's annoying. But I have had harder times to deal through, new years eve for example which I would rather not talk about or remember having to wait and think about what she had to go through...At least after that things changed although I stil dispise that damn tarter sauce. I would love to beat the shit out of him but I can't because the Kajukenbo pledge and how it would be dishonorable and if I did it while at home and my parents found out, I would get kicked out. Modesty, Courtesy, Integrity, Courage, and Perseverance, those are the ideals. And well, that kinda goes against 3 out of the 5 if I cracked his skull open with a baseball bat. It sure as hell would feel good but I have to resist. Plus it wouldn't exactly give her mom a good impression of me. But of course a swift kick to the balls is probably ok....But anyways, back to Loki! ^^ I gave her a new name! n.n Azure. It's such a pretty name and it's about blue and I love the color blue and her eyes are blue and I love her eyes so she is Azure! I get so lost in her's one of the things I absolutely love about her. I find myself sometimes staring at her eyes in her pictures (and there aren't all that many with her face really) because they are just so beautiful. I don't know, is it normal to love your girlfriends eyes? Cause all I hear my cousin talk about (my only friend who actually has a girlfriend) is her ass. I suppose I'm just sappy and romantic, oh well. I still love them. Although the name she gave me was kind of weird....Beagle Butter Bean X.x because my eyes look like puppy dogs eyes. It's kinda funny, we both get lost in each others eyes. I'm just waiting to see if we end up staring at each other for hours and get hypnotized or something. But yeah weird idea...I suppose I feel a little better than when I started writing these random ramblings running from my rusted brain (<--- alliteration! I really been hooked on alliteration ever since I read this one part of my book I'm reading (Odd Thomas by something (I forget his first name) Koontz) where Odd says "A flipped fork flicked my forehead") Anyways, Lemming out.