Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Days of Spring

It's finally the first couple days of spring. Personally I don't really care nor mind, it's basically the same as winter cause all it does is rain around here lol. But as they say, love is in the air. My friend Smurf finally asked the guy she liked out. For a while she was a little scared to ask cause they were friends for a while and he was already set on asking out another girl. Andy (the guy) actually asked the girl he liked out to the dance but she never gave him an answer. Smurf talked to the girl it turns out she never even liked Andy all that much, but she gave Smurf the ok to go ahead and ask him. Of course, with some females they have to be all tactical and secretive about asking guys out so she had her friends ask if he liked her and if he would like to ask her out sometime. He just kind of shifted a bit and said he would "think about it" But in the end he said yes, and Kim whos friends with Smurf was just jumping around in excitment when she heard about it. At first they just walked around together, talking here and there. Andy was always kinda the quiet type and kind of shy. But after a week or so he let Smurf hang onto his arm and sorta cling to, and pretty soon they were holding hands and he was even the one to grab hers instead of the other way around. Maybe it took him a bit to finally have the awkward-ness go away -.- and of course all my other friends, including Smurfs brother of course, really didn't help. Her brother Jeremey just kept yelling at Andy "WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!?" but of course they are the type of brother and sister that fight and make fun of each other alot so it's expected. If anything Jeremey doesn't really care, but he is actually probably jealous cause he has a secret crush of his own he's too chicken to ask out. All their friends just keep bugging them a little and having fun with it going "Awwwwww" when they hug, Smurf doesn't mind but Andy kinda does since he's easily emberrassed. But even though it is in it's early stages of their relationship, they are doing pretty well. Smurf is really the affectionate type and Andy (this is merely a guess cause I've only met Andy this year and he's often pretty quiet) is the type to be romantic but still shy untill he can really warm up. I think they could really go far, but if anything Andy is more likely to break up with Smurf either because he doesn't feel his ready or doesn't think it's really working out, he would still want to be friends and everything of course since he is so nice. But of course his nice-ness might instead keep him with her even when he really doesn't like her the same way, but I do feel it could go a long way. Latelly they have even been wearing each others band nickname sweatshirts. Mr. Swecker today said "We are only going to play Village Green (which is the bands favorite song since it's fun and easy) if Smurf can get boys off her mind." and Andy just hides behind his baritone with an emberrassed sorta grin. I feel jealous has always kinda been a romantic sorta fantasy of mine to give a girl my sweatshirt ^^;; heh, it would just be so cute seeing Loki with my oversized sweatshirt on n.n but ummm...I don't think I would fit hers lol.....*stops day dreaming* Well umm...back to Andy and Smurf. Today was kind of a lil landmark for them, their first kiss n.n so romantic and they just make a cute couple (<---...yes I know that makes me sound girly, but it's true) Smurf just whispered it to Kim secretly and she passed it on to me and we just jumped for joy when she left cause we were so happy for them ^^ eveyone just kinda stared at us O.o but it was the first kiss for both of them and it's just so cute. *sigh* Spring really is the season for lovers...It just makes me miss Loki seeing them together. Just makes me think of when we saw a movie and she saw me nervous and rested her head on my should...I remember how long it took me to finally hold her hand, sitting there with my hand moving just ever so slowly towards hers untill I could finally grab it. Then how it felt to hug her, attacking her and squeezing her tight feeling her warmth. And then the first kiss just still gives me that weird feeling in my stomache and all light headed out of joy. I can't wait untill she finally moves back and I can give her all the hugs and kisses that I want. Also n.n I've kinda been looking forward to tugging her along on a leash like she promised =P and I wouldn't mind letting her do the same to me. But you's really the idea of having someone to love and care for and do the same for me. Holding hands and snuggling together under the blankets and whispering to her how much I love her over and over. I know it sounds crazy...but maybe even go to a dance. Less for the rap and hip hop crap they play and all the other people there because none of my friends ever go to dances, but for the slow dance. Yeah, I'm just the sappy romantic type...I just can't wait ^^

Thursday, March 09, 2006


Yeah, it's another venting post and yeah it's about Loki. Those seem to be the things I write most in this thing anymore. I hope not to make this too long. Basically Loki had a problem that I never knew about. There were hints galore but no I simply shrugged them off and thought to myself "No, she wouldn't do that." but I guess I was wrong. She said nothing about it and I was too damn afraid to know the truth in anyway. There were times when she did it and I saw parts of the after math...and those were some of the scariest, confusing, and upsetting things ever. But why did she do it? Doing something so destructive yet I didn't know because she thought I knew already but I didn't...but know I do. Even though it does not change how much I love her I's something I still have to deal with it on my own. She has stopped doing it latelly (and she sure as hell shouldn't again because there is no telling how mad I will be. I know I can trust her to try but if she does again, it's not gonna be pretty.) But should I be mad for something I never knew about? Mad at myself for never taking the action to find out the truth as the question ached in the back of my mind for so long. Maybe I should just move on, the problem has passed and hopefully will not come up again (and it better not) I know I sound like im threatening alot but I need to vent. Cause if I get soo much as a hint that she might do it I would slap her upside the head >< and not just on the internet. Blah...But....I know she wont, but I suppose it's just one of those problems I have but I have to make a threat because I did for the other thing. One of the reasons I hate my mom is because she does stuff that I dont like and I have no control over it. That no control thing is a problem with long distance relationships. Just not knowing whats going on and not knowing how to deal with a problem if there is one just drives me insane and up the walls. Naturally I want to fix problems but sometimes I can't do anything about it. It's like driving, you watch the other person with the wheel and tell them all the stupid things they do but when you actually grab hold of the wheel those bonehead things arent as big of a deal and it's your mistake so you know how to deal with it. I know it's a weird analogy but I'm weird. I just can't wait till she finally moves back, I'll be able to see her all the times and I can quit freaking out and being a worry I always am...