Monday, February 14, 2005

Hard Times on V-day

As I have said a million times and hope that I can a million more that I’m glad I can help. As I sat there reading what you had said my eyes traced the letters on the keyboard over and over as tears rolled down my cheeks. L-O-V-E. I have never felt it before and I wish to feel it forever more. This feeling of being lightheaded , sick, worried, confused, yet so as happy as I have never felt before. At times I wish it to stop, to have the life I once had that was so uncomplicated, but at others I wish it to never end. I look behind my shoulder with hope of you being there ,but even though I know it will never be that way ,I look anyway because there is always hope. Hope is undeniable. It is there as sure as the sun will rise in the morning or set at night. On days of despair the sun is blocked by clouds of doubt, fear, jealousy, hate, sorrow, or confusion but you know in you heart it is there. I look to the moon knowing that we are connected, in someway at least, and I try to imagine the warmth of your body in my arms. You know how I feel about you. I would die just so you could have a good life. You know that all I want is your happiness, and that is why I stay. I am always here for you and always will. I wish that I could hold you forever and make sure that nothing ever bad will happen to you, but I know I cannot do that. All I can do is sit here, tell you how I feel and trust in you judgment. Please think of the consequences of your actions because alot of times shit happens and it all could have been changed....if someone would just take a minute to think. You say that there is no point to life and I agree with you in a way. No one is born with a purpose to life, everyone makes their own. Life is a challenge, which you choose to take or not to take, and is not meant to be unbearable but to do what you want to do. Do what brings you joy in life. I feel that my purpose in life is to try and help others because it is what brings me the most joy in my life. If I could put a smile on just one persons face, even if it is only for a little while, I am happy beyond words. Some times the path in life you have chosen or have been forced to take is rough but there is no reason to give up. Death or merely quitting and saying, why do anything? everything is pointless, is the cowards way out, it is only for the weak and short minded. Some things may seem that way at times but everything and everyone one has a purpose but some just do not wish to take the challenge to find it and never amount to anything. Do not give up because i know the purpose you find will be a great one someday. Do not feel you need to amount to societys standards, but to your own. You have made a difference in my life and others and that is all that matters. The whole world may not remember you when you die but the ones you have effected will. The world wont remember the ‘famous’ people sooner or later anyway but be glad you could make a difference in some peoples lives especially mine and I am glad that I could put a smile on your face and I will hopefully do the same for years to come. I love you Loki and wish you a happy valentines day.