Saturday, July 16, 2005

just venting.....

WHY! GOD DAMN IT! WHY! Just because I say Loki's dad is an asshole, he doesn't want her to come to Longview! I can admit that he may have his reasons for what he does and I can see that but why does but does he really have the right to take away my chances of seeing her!? I have been waiting a year, patiently waiting and hoping that the day that I can finally see her to come, but when I'm mere days away I have to fucking screw it up! One stupid slip up, one time that I didn't think to imagine that somehow he would have some how found out what I said, and then THIS happens! Karis still like me I guess although she seemed pretty mad when she found out I had called him an asshole, but is that even enough? I don't want anyone to be mad at me, yet I screw up. This time it was actually in my control whether I could see her or not, and I mess up! The other time when I was so anxious for her to come when she went to a friends party but she couldn't come. But this time it was going to happen untill I said 'asshole'. Am I ever going to see her within the next millenium!? I want to talk to him somehow but Loki doesn't want me to, so I don't. But one day I hope he finds this message, somehow in someway. I WANT TO SEE HER AND IF I WOULD DIE IF I COULD SEE HER FOR 1 MINUTE! But no >.> he can't believe a word I say for an instant because he's so over protective and cannot believe that there is actually an honest, nice, and caring teenage boy in the entire WORLD! I have never lied to Loki in the entire time I have known her, I have never done anything to intentionally hurt her in anyway, I have done nothing but want to hold her for once instead of just imagining it! If I ran into him at this very moment I would not know what to do, beg on my hands and knees for him to let me see her or punch him. But as far as I know, all I can do is sit here, wait, and hope with all my heart that I can finally see her sooner or later, just as I have done for so long...

1 comment:

~A Lonliness~Subsided By Sinning~Pleasure~ said...

He's not over protective... because it's all an act to gain control. That's what he does, hides behind his own lies and and foolish objections. It's not you, and it's not me. It's his own selfish-ness and his urge to be a "good" father which he has never once been in my book. Don't worry about it... My mom and Karis will figure it out.

Luts uf Luvs,

~Loki-ness~
.:The Empty Shell:.