Wednesday, August 12, 2009

existentialism in lincoln city

Well I haven't posted in a while really...Figured I might as well. So I'm on vacation right now in Lincoln City right beside the beach. It really and truly is beautiful. It's been raining pretty much the entire time we've been here and we've just been looking at antique shops pretty much. It's been really boring...But it did clear up around sunset, which leads to a lil story to explain my current situation. So my sister and I went out to the beach while the sun was setting to take pictures and there was a couple walking near the surf. As the waves lap gently at their feet, their bodys faceless as they are nothing but silhouettes to mine and the cameras eye. They turned to look each other as they held hands, these faceless images. Merely looking at them I know of not where they come from, who they are, or even what they look like beyond their simple body figures outlined by the rainbow sky of the sunset. Compared to the size of the sea, to the sun itself setting in the horizon, to the world that encompasses them, they are but a speck. But together they held each other and gazed into each others eyes with love. To face the worlds challenges with nothing but each other. It made me sad. I am at the moment alone in this life of mine. Sure, I'm surrounded by friends and family, but not someone I can just hold and in my arms and have a deep connection with emotionally. I'm so unlike my other species of male sometimes. Heck, even my female friends are more sexual than me, wondering why the heck I don't plan on having sex anytime soon. I just want to feel a connection with someone soo much more badly than I want to get laid. Although I'm not without physical needs, I really want to cuddle as well lol wow I sound like a wimp...But it's true. I'm just missing holding and being held by a girl that really cares for me. I'm really too sappy for my own good...But I don't have too many dating options latelly so I'm really kind of stuck. There is this one girl I think I might ask out though. I wont name any names just in case, you just never know, but we so far have gotten along and had fun together so I figure, what the heck I'll ask. I gotta find the right time though...which is the tricky thing. I'm sure we have our differences, me being agnostic and what not...Every girl I date always has a different belief pretty much. I've dated a mormon, a 2 kinds of catholics, a baptist, a non denominational christian and even a wicca and we've never gotten into debates or anything really. I respect religion greatly even though mines kind of not that accepted by some people...I mean, I accept the possiblility that there is a God, but I personally don't believe in one. Yeah yeah's weird, it's stupid, it's indecisive, but it's what I believe in. But I respect every religion as long as if follows the golden rule: treat others how you wish to be treated. When religion boils down isn't that what it's all about? To respect each other and live in peace and harmony, who the heck would be against that? Even though I don't have a book or church to tell me how to do things I just simply dedicate myself to being the best person I can be. To help others out when ever I can, never judge people unfairly, and ALWAYS live by the golden rule. But I guess even with me being a nice person some people simply wont date me. Oh well...but I'm just gonna keep looking and hopefully it all works out. (Wow I kind of went off topic there lol getting all existential when basically all I wanted to say is "dang it I'm lonely, I need to get a girlfriend..." oh well lol)

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