Wednesday, January 25, 2006

whos to say whats normal

It's odd how lately I tend to only post when something really crappy or bad happens? (well, there is one big crappy bad thing that happened but umm...that one I'd rather not post about) Well this thing is sort of on the fence so to speak. It's really bad but it could get worse. My friend Joel is really in a bad situation. His dad is forcing soo much pressure on him it's breaking him down. Lately he's had these attacks where he laughs and cries at the same time and can't really decide what to feel. His dad has gotten on has pretty bad about school because he has been having really bad grades even though hes really smart, just not wanting to apply himself. He is already clinically depressed and his dad always complaining about his work (who is a teacher at his school) is not helping. I really worry about him. He says on monday he took twenty sleeping pills...Luckily nothing bad happened. He already takes counseling and such and it doesn't seem to work to well. His friends and I talk to him and it seems we might help. It's just hard to tell knowing him he might simply be manipulating us. Being as crafty and ingenious as he is (even though he may not seem it) he could just be all tricking us into thinking we're helping, I just hope thats not the case. What is especially tricky is his outlook onlife. He knows there is no right or wrong, good or evil, just simply ideas, and he knows that all humans are basically machines that are here to reproduce and we can manipulate ourselves into thinking how ever we want to think. His logic just makes too much sense that it becomes hard to argue with him. I just hope what I said to him may help in some miniscule way, so that maybe his life will not end by his own hand. I love him like a brother and I don't want to lose him...We have known each other since kindgarten and he's the best friend I have. I'm just really scared for him and this has been going on for a while even if he doesn't show it. To think he would have died if those sleeping pills actually worked, to think that he attempted to take his own life is just...frightening...to think I could be standing over his coffin with an everlasting smile on his face, one that was glued to his face in attempts to have us remember the good old times, have us think he died happy when it was really his overwhelming frustration and sadness that got to him....its overpowering....

1 comment:

~A Lonliness~Subsided By Sinning~Pleasure~ said...

Luv, I know it's hard to see someone close to you like this. I've seen it, I've done it but besides the point... One of my best friends Chris Baker killed himself in 2003 and acted the same way as you're explaining Joel is now. I don't want to see you go through what I have in the loss of him. It's horrible... If you don't tell him that so many people value him, tell him - what good things he has to look forward to, that everything will pass sooner or later. Every time I contimplate suicide an am upset, atleast 3 of my closest friends threaten to take the knife to their neck right after me. If you have to bring it to that, threaten that if he kills himself - you'd fallow suit... which I hope you wouldn't T.T cuz then that would cause a whole chain reaction of ppl killing themselves... But still - let him know that he's loved, theres hope... And he will be released from it - it will pass. And tell him that he has to atleast keep his ass alive till I get to meet him!!!