Tuesday, May 31, 2005

The Dangers of Peanut Butter and Strangers: Locker Room the Mini Series

FINALLY! The next installment of the Dangers of Peanut Butter and Strangers series! I'm going to be trying and make a few episodes about the conversations in locker room I have with my friends Daniel (Woodchuck) and Nathan (Prairie dog). I'm not going to guarantee that the conversation is represented word for word 100% but I'll try my best. Hopefully I will be able to create a couple more but I can't promise it. I guarantee that this conversation did take place even though it may not be perfectly represented I have tryed my best to reproduce it. Warning!: Do not attempt any of these stunts at home. We are complete morons and only morons like us may attempts such stunts.

Woodchuck and Lemming where conversing in the swim locker room after a brisk 5th period swim. "I be a swedish pirate yar!" Lemming said in his best swedish accent. "I but a swedish pirate I be while a smokin my weed aye! My weed be my best friend...untill I smokes it then I be getting a new friend! Yee be getting my drift arr!" Woodchuck said trying to mix pirate, swedish, and reggae accents together. The locker room seemed to always be full of the strangest conversations. Maybe it was the atmoshphere knowing you could just act like a guy without any girls over hearing you, maybe it was the great weather they were having that made them energetic, or maybe it was simply overdoses of chlorine from the pool. "Aye but what about the moose!" Lemming said opening his locker which was placed right under his friend Prairie Dog's locker "What the hell are you guys on?" Prairie Dog said as he never quite understood what either of them ever talked about. "Oh! I have to tell you about the Eskimo!" exclaimed Lemming jumping up and down. "Ok, my english teacher has an aunt who is pure eskimo and drop dead gorgeous. Shes the average attractive female republican with her hair up in a bun, high heels, pearls and such and one day they're driving down a back road and a moose jumps out in front of them and hit it head on. So her aunt gets out of the car, then whips out a knife and guts the sucker on the side of the road!" "What!?" woodchuck just stares at Lemming strangley. "I'd love to see some hot chick gut a moose." he said laughing and suddenly Lemming bursts out "It's eskimo porn! 'It's like cut it open slower baby. Ooooooo deep fry that heart!' " The entire time this strange and awkward fantasy is being explained Prairie Dog is just kinda standing there staring at them as if they were two escaped mental patients "You don't deep fry the heart!" he said finally joining in the madness. "Well there are alot of freaky fetishes out there!" Lemming said laughing as he closed his locker and put the lock on it. "You guys are just wierd....." said Prairie Dog walking out of the locker room after he got his pants on. "Lemming! Lemming! It's like 'AAAAAAA!!! I got grease on my chest!' " Woodchuck pretended to grab his chest in pain " 'AAAAAA!!!! It hurts but it feels good at the same time!' " Lemming added " 'Wait...is that peanut oil? I'm allergic to peanuts!' " as he cringes on the floor. "I'm dying slowly but it feels goooooood!!' " "Aye he be dead but yar! That means more weed for me! Arr me meatballs!" Woodchuck said running out of the locker room.

So the moral of the story......ummmm you tell me cause hell if I know. I was part of that conversation and hell if I understand most of it. ARR!!!

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