Sunday, August 13, 2006

the night of the star fall and rebirth

For once in years, I am not wearing a necklace that Loki has given me. Ever since breaking up I've had to do my own soul searching, finding my self and finding the strength. I am now wearing my own dragon necklace, one I've had for years but never wore because I wanted to wear Loki's instead and I've taken down the pictures that she drew for me and put them in a special box along with other memories. The necklace not as cool looking and it has a red stone the same color as the other dragon but it's smaller. I guess recently I've began to really learn that Loki wasn't the only one that loved me because I have my friends there for me. Kim, Melinda, Alec, Chloe, Molly, and Joel to some degree, they all love me as a friend and I guess now more than ever I realize that. Latelly I've just been thinking about this whole love thing. I loved Loki, theres no doubt about that and if anyone says I didn't truly love her I will smack them so fucking I'll break their jaw. I loved Loki and I still do, there no doubt about that, but I'm not letting us breaking up tear me down. I'm finding my own strength and my friends are there to. Loki will still be with me in a way and I'm glad for that because it helped me get over the initial shock of the break up. But now, with the experience and confidence Loki has given me I am going out to experience the world again. "Burn and start again" is a lyric I have stuck in my head latelly. I am not destroying the memories I have of her because they gave me soo much joy, there is no reason to rid my mind of them, that is why I am keeping the special box. Loki will always be in my heart, but now I know she doesn't have to be the only one that helps give me strength. I thank all my friends and I'm glad all of you stick with me in my times of need. Now I guess I'm out to find new experiences and even though it doesn't seem right, but I'm excited. I guess I'm going to go out dating again, but I'm not going to want an extrememly serious relationship. I guess now I'm finally taking my dads advice...I don't think I could handle another serious relationship, at least not now. Plus I don't want anyone to think I'm trying to replace Loki because that is NOT WHAT I'M TRYING TO DO! I just want to make that clear to anyone I know who might stumble upon this. All I'm going to do is get some new experiences under my belt and just kind of figure out what exactly the world holds...I want to see other perspectives, meet new people, figure myself out, and just plain have fun. (but not at their expense or anything of course) And I wish to thank Loki for all of this, because even though we did not work out she is the one that gave me soo much joy and made me who I am today. I am the poetic, sappy, loveable, huggable, weirdo that I am today and I owe you soo Kittymunk...I just want you to know that...

(Some people may have heard me mention a Luvs List. It's something I've been doing with a few of my friends that are more than friends, but friends I luv. This list isn't exactly all that long but you will know if your on it if I leave you saying "Luvs ya" or something along those lines [although not with guys...because no offense to them but I don't want to seem gay. Although this does make me seem sorta gay I admit...but I don't want to seem out right "i love your purse" kind of gay. {although I am not against gays in anyway, I just don't want to seem like I am}])

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