Thursday, March 09, 2006


Yeah, it's another venting post and yeah it's about Loki. Those seem to be the things I write most in this thing anymore. I hope not to make this too long. Basically Loki had a problem that I never knew about. There were hints galore but no I simply shrugged them off and thought to myself "No, she wouldn't do that." but I guess I was wrong. She said nothing about it and I was too damn afraid to know the truth in anyway. There were times when she did it and I saw parts of the after math...and those were some of the scariest, confusing, and upsetting things ever. But why did she do it? Doing something so destructive yet I didn't know because she thought I knew already but I didn't...but know I do. Even though it does not change how much I love her I's something I still have to deal with it on my own. She has stopped doing it latelly (and she sure as hell shouldn't again because there is no telling how mad I will be. I know I can trust her to try but if she does again, it's not gonna be pretty.) But should I be mad for something I never knew about? Mad at myself for never taking the action to find out the truth as the question ached in the back of my mind for so long. Maybe I should just move on, the problem has passed and hopefully will not come up again (and it better not) I know I sound like im threatening alot but I need to vent. Cause if I get soo much as a hint that she might do it I would slap her upside the head >< and not just on the internet. Blah...But....I know she wont, but I suppose it's just one of those problems I have but I have to make a threat because I did for the other thing. One of the reasons I hate my mom is because she does stuff that I dont like and I have no control over it. That no control thing is a problem with long distance relationships. Just not knowing whats going on and not knowing how to deal with a problem if there is one just drives me insane and up the walls. Naturally I want to fix problems but sometimes I can't do anything about it. It's like driving, you watch the other person with the wheel and tell them all the stupid things they do but when you actually grab hold of the wheel those bonehead things arent as big of a deal and it's your mistake so you know how to deal with it. I know it's a weird analogy but I'm weird. I just can't wait till she finally moves back, I'll be able to see her all the times and I can quit freaking out and being a worry I always am...

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