Cali-for-nia-ay

This is a short story I've been working on that I based on one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. I felt that in a way, I could relate to this song and that's what inspired me to make a story out of it.(If you want to guess the song, heres a tip: I used word-for-wrd versus from the song in it and hint if you want to guess the band, think of soccer.)

I unlocked the door to my house and walked in as the creaking hinges echoed throughout the emptiness. I stood there for a minute thinking “What was I looking for? I found myself along in the darkness, as I always seemed to be nowadays. Walking into the living room and flipped on the TV to the to the news as I glanced over to a picture of my best friend in the world, Nicole. The picture was of us on a bench in a lush green park, our hands lying beside each other but not touching. Walking into the kitchen I could remember her voice “What’s on your mind?” Maybe it was my loneliness that made the memories of her come rushing back as I stood in front of the sink with my head bowed. Feeling a tear well up in my eye, I stopped myself remembering Nicole’s voice again saying “You’ll be alright.” but I just forced myself to shake it out of my mind by being distracted by listening to the TV announcing the 5 day forecast. “Another sunny day in Cali-for-nia-ay” the weatherman said trying to be cute with his signature saying. “Yeah and I’m sure back him they’d love to see it.” I said with a sigh turning off the TV again and opening the front door and looking over my shoulder to see the dump of a place I lived in the last couple years. The chairs were torn up, most likely why I found them in an alley, the carpet reeked and had a strange urine stain from the previous owner, along with fading floral wallpaper that began to peel off the wall. “Two long years and I’m still empty handed I’m afraid.” with another deep sigh I opened the door and walking into the over powering sunlight of the average California afternoon repeating the weatherman’s line. “Looks like another sunny day in Cali-for-nia-ay.” I walked along the cracked and worn sidewalk leading to the beach. I always liked taking the long way because it gave me time to think and if I timed it just right I could see the setting sun on the horizon. “Back home I always thought I wanted so much more.” I said kicking a can along as I walked. “Now I’m not to sure…” I said as I kicked the can with all my might, hitting a raggedy old poodle laying on a porch. “If only my parents hadn’t kicked me out of the house and forced me to live here.” The place my parents suggested me to live was a hell hole in the hottest city in practically the entire nation. The ad has said it was a clost community with many friendly people. But if you read between the lines, you could tell it was a cramped ghetto/slim where everyone owned a gun and it was not uncommon to hear one go off in the night. The big city wasn’t much better though. There are two types of people in the city, those who live their lifes of fear of falling out of line and those who tear lives apart and break lots of hearts just to pass the time. It made me sick just thinking about them. Balling my hand into a fist I could feel my anger rising. If only they could actually make use of their lives instead of finding pleasure in others pain or nothing but material possessions. What if someone took a baseball bat to their precious car? “Well….let’s just find out shall we?” I said finally allowing myself to unleash my rage. Picking up a good ten pound rock I brought it down on the windshield of brand new red convertible. But I did not stop there. I dropped it again and again on the hood and dragged it across the doors, and finally slamming it down upon the spot less red trunk. I slowly walked away, spitting on the hood as I passed by. I felt as if my eyes got red in the back of my head. I just couldn’t stop myself and did not care what happened. This place can make you blind and for once I allowed it to. Calming down, I put it all behind me and got to the edge of the beach. Slowly I walked out onto the sand, kicking off my tennis shoes so that I could feel the now cool sand between my toes. The sun had already set and all that was left was the tip of the red giant as the moon took its place in the sky, waiting for the sun to dissapear so that it could do its job. The lifeless smile of the moon made me wish even more that it would rain to wash the west coast dreaming from my eyes. All that I had been through, all the days that I had spent were nothing but a waste. The seagulls parted like the red sea as I got to the edge of the beach where the water met the dampened sand and foam. “They just don’t know that what you love is ripped away…before you get a chance to feel it.” I said to myself, the waves drowning out my voice as they crashed upon each other, spraying me with a cold salty mist. Only thoughts of Nicole ran through my head, so many chances missed, so many memories untouched as I had lived the last couple years in my hole, devoting all my time to try and make a decent living. ‘We could have married….we could have had kids….we could have spent ever waking moment together but I was to big of a dumbfuck to notice what was right in front of me for years.’ It’s strange how only when you look back do you notice things. All the subtle hints that she had placed and all her attempts at getting them alone, but he was so focused on the ‘important things’ in his life like worrying about his job, that he simply brushed her off. Sitting down in the moist sand I let the hours fly by as the sky above lit up with stars and the ocean froze my toes as the tide came in. Seagulls came over every now and then to inspect me but they weren’t interested and left me alone. The crashing ocean created a white noise which I concentrated on to try and keep out such depressing thoughts of the days that could have been. The sky darkened as the moon hid behind a dark cloud and the powerful shower of rain fell upon the city and all its inhabitants. Water leaked into the cracked windshield of the smashed up car, the rusty gutters of my home overflowed from being clogged by a dead bird, ferocious dogs became whimpering puppies hiding from the rain as I sat, allowing the rain to cascade over me. “It’s another starry night….in Cali-for-nia-ay.” I smiled, my tears camouflaged by the rain.

just venting.....

WHY! GOD DAMN IT! WHY! Just because I say Loki's dad is an asshole, he doesn't want her to come to Longview! I can admit that he may have his reasons for what he does and I can see that but why does but does he really have the right to take away my chances of seeing her!? I have been waiting a year, patiently waiting and hoping that the day that I can finally see her to come, but when I'm mere days away I have to fucking screw it up! One stupid slip up, one time that I didn't think to imagine that somehow he would have some how found out what I said, and then THIS happens! Karis still like me I guess although she seemed pretty mad when she found out I had called him an asshole, but is that even enough? I don't want anyone to be mad at me, yet I screw up. This time it was actually in my control whether I could see her or not, and I mess up! The other time when I was so anxious for her to come when she went to a friends party but she couldn't come. But this time it was going to happen untill I said 'asshole'. Am I ever going to see her within the next millenium!? I want to talk to him somehow but Loki doesn't want me to, so I don't. But one day I hope he finds this message, somehow in someway. I WANT TO SEE HER AND IF I WOULD DIE IF I COULD SEE HER FOR 1 MINUTE! But no >.> he can't believe a word I say for an instant because he's so over protective and cannot believe that there is actually an honest, nice, and caring teenage boy in the entire WORLD! I have never lied to Loki in the entire time I have known her, I have never done anything to intentionally hurt her in anyway, I have done nothing but want to hold her for once instead of just imagining it! If I ran into him at this very moment I would not know what to do, beg on my hands and knees for him to let me see her or punch him. But as far as I know, all I can do is sit here, wait, and hope with all my heart that I can finally see her sooner or later, just as I have done for so long...

TO.othpaste! The story of Jhonny Dangerfield

I was hyper for some reason after brushing my teeth (BRUSHING! I did NOT, I swear, did NOT eat the toothpaste even though that sounds like something I would do and what you are about to read may have you think otherwise) and decided to just be myself and write down whatever the hell popped into my head! ENJOY OR FEAR THE FATE OF 23 SKIDOO! O.o

So little billy be brushing his teeth when 'WAM!' a little old mexican man comes in with a roll of quaters and says "Lets go get some rabbits and sell them to sharks!" so little billy and the old man, who soon reveals that he is indeed Jhonny Dangerfield. THey being walking down the street and soon run into Willis from that one show where the midget man is always like "WHAT YOU TALKING BOUT WILLIS!?" who also turns out to be the man who controls the rats AND a monkey...."But Willis my main slap jack, how come your a monkey?" "Well" says the monkey with utmost wisdom "I'm off to the pillow factory to go kill some old people! Because ya know, the most deadly weapon known to old people is a pillow." "You can go ahead and do that pancake mcjack." said the old man as he and billy continued to walk towards the video game arcade. "SO! If only they could somehow make something that allows you to read a book and play a massively violent game at the same time, then einstein would come back to life as a brain sucking mutant in an iron clad groin cup! Because they always say that the loins of a walrus can end up on the greener side of an iceberg." "Yes little billy....but you desperately need to go take you medication before your foot explodes and the evil brittany spears mutants fly from the portal of hell that you have just produced!" Said the old man as he smacked a dance dance revolution mat with a halibut in attempts to beat the game at its own game. But soon they were kicked out by the dumbass geek of a star treck/wars (and they are both actually the same thing, its just a huge conspiracy to cover up that coke and pepsi are also the same company and that mountain dew is actually owned by the billy goats gruff) Deciding that they should go make some peanut butter fudge they went ahead and created a time machine to go back to the time of the pharoas and ask them "What kind of peanut is in the shape of a beetle that is also the name of the hit popular tv show "If only I had a rusty shovel."? But of course the mummy from The Mummy soon destroyed them and took off their feet to make lampshades and lived happliy ever after as he used said lamps to read his captain underpants books.

Just another poem

This is a poem I decided to write just cause I felt like it =P not all that great but I wanted to try out this new rhyming dictionary thing. http://www.rhymezone.com/

your walking down the street
you run into someone you know from a track meet
they called you a slug
looking all so smug
as their friends laughed along
making them fell like they belong
they act all chummy chummy
as if their your buddy buddy
as if the their prods and pokes
were just simple harmless jokes
as if your personality
was just a technicality
they “mess around”
as if your the biggest joke in town
but when their alone
they go ahead and change their tone
like everything they ever said to you
was all just untrue
they do it to be cool
playing you as the fool
putting you down
just so they can be clown

Llamaman!

Well 4th of July was a let down. My dad lost the launcher to the big fireworks he had bought the pervious year and since we had those my mom only bought one pack of some cheap wal mart fireworks. This year I didn't feel like watching the neighbors, I just felt like there was no real point. I stayed up till after midnight because outside it sounded like a war zone. If I had to estimate how much each of my neighbors spends on fireworks I would guess at least 1,000$ because those things were fucking loud >.< and we had just about 20$ worth of fireworks.

Well something slightly awkward happened while my dad was setting off the fireworks. I was telling my mom for about the millionth time that I was not hitting on 3 sisters at once and then Amanda says "Oh! One time I was talking to Kirstin and she was like 'Guess who I like?' and I said 'who?' and she said 'Your brother! But don't tell him.' " So at this point I'm sitting there slightly confused. A girl.....that I have known for about 6 months but have not talked to till recently...has a crush on ME?....Then my mom says "You should go out with her. Who knows if you'll ever even see Loki." But then here comes my o so loving sister "I told her she would be better off dating a llama. I don't want one of my friends going out with him!" v.v yeah...see why I say that 'brothers annoy their sisters and sisters spread rumors to make sure their brothers never get a date'? I mean I probably won't go out with her because I already like Loki (Plus that would be awkward going out with her for 3 weeks then Loki comes and it's like "Meet the girl I have loved for almost a year and have been counting down the days one by one until I could see her!), but does she really have to say that I am less date-able than a llama!? If I never met Loki I would have gone out with Kirstin in a heartbeat just to spite her for that! (I mean shes cute and nice and all but...still a LLAMA!?) Now back to my moms comment. Loki IS coming and I DO love her. We may not have a normal relationship but I'm willing to put in the energy and time until we can...somehow. Who knows what the future will bring and all I can do is hope for the best. I'm just gonna hold and and see what happens and hopefully someday things will be diffrent...

Merry 4th of July!

The last couple of days the annual 4th of July flea market has been held at Lake Sacajewea (i think thats how you spell it...its the same name as that indian girl Lewis and Clark took with them) and my kung fu academy has a booth down there which people can sign up to volunteer at. I've gone to it a couple times and its actually pretty fun. Everybody just sits back, talks, drinks pop and occasionaly give out flyers. The first day my friend Zac, his girlfriend Kelly (who's also my cousin),my friend Marty, and Sifu were there and nothing much happened. We had the body bags out and people came around to punch them and after a while Zac and Kelly decided to get something to eat (after Kelly tested her blood sugar) and just left Sifu, Marty and I there untill Sifu decided to leave also once they came back. Kelly had a burger and Zac already drank his MD (dang...I wanted to steal some). Kelly kept complaining about how her burger was crappy and then Zac started telling these really gross jokes just to bug Kelly who was like "I'm eating here!". Marty told some of his odd storys about the things he's done and offered to make ninja masks out of an extra shirt. (One time his mom gave him money to get his hair cut but he was hungry and spent it on McDonalds. So too keep his mom from finding out he had his friend shave his head for him) When my shift was over, I decided to stay because my friend Ean (I'm not sure how to spell his name.) had the next shift along with 2 of his sisters. Me and Ean decided to practice some jujitsu on the grass next to the booth when we got bored. The first round we both got each other in the same headlock side by side and I could just barely say "Lets call it a tie." and then the next one I locked him in the most perfect guard I had ever done. Later we did some kicks on the body bags to show some stuff to people and I did #2 form (the form that got me the nickname Eric 'intensity') Then after a while I tried to kick the dummy in the head but I slipped and my ribs hit the hard plstic base. ow >.<>.> your just sitting on their chest. Although....we did get some strange stares from passing by people...) We caught our breath, walked back to the booth and watched Rodney play with his frisbee yo-yo thing. It was a frisbee with stretchy string in the middle and you throw it and try and catch it when it comes back although knowing Rodney, what happened was not a surprise. Now let me tell you about Rodney before I go on. Rodney is of course in Kung Fu with me and has an interesting reputation. Everytime he comes to class he somehow gets hurt in someway whether it be by someone else or himself trying to do one of his strange stunts. Hes almost shattered the mirror, hes been rammed head first into the wall, hes been poked in the eye, hes been sat on, you name it, its happened to him. So of course hes playing with his frisbee thing...and he gets hurt. Hurt soo many times I actually decided to keep score.
he hit himself in:

• the face/head 9 times
• knee 8 times
• spine 2
• stomache 8
• groin 13 (he beat his record!)
• hit 6 people
• and strangled himself 3 times

You think he would learn after the 15 minutes >.> or...hour. Even after he headbutted it and nearly snapped it in half he just taped it and started playing with it again. Our fun died down once Rodeny eventually put away his frisbee yo-yo and we ended up stuffing ice down each others shirts since thats all that was left in the ice box. Not many people came around that day since someone had stolen the body bags during the night. Even though Sifu said "Naw. Nobodys gonna steal em! Their so heavy and theres security." but loe and behold! their gone the next night. Now thats ironic.

Back home (isn't that a song?)

I HAVE RETURNED from the far reaches of the land of hillbillies!! Phew it feels good to be home and it's actually cold here! For the past 2 weeks I was in Arkansas it was in the 90s or higher with at least 80% humidity every day x.x I'm a washingtonian! I can't stand that kind of weather! I'm just glad I can get away from my grandparents tick infested dogs, having to listen to a wipperwill bird all damn night along with the chiggers and grasshoppers, having the fear of going outside because the multitude of bugs, listening to my mom and grandma laugh at their own jokes and make retarded comments, and the smell of my grandparents fridge. It's like they don't even care what they put in there! They just throw everything in there and watch it grow mold. One time I opened the fridge and the bacon was just lying there on the shelf as the juices ran down onto all the other crap in there. And then when I grab a carton of milk it was almost a month old and my grandma says "I use that for cooking." I am so glad she did not bake a cake >.> thats just gross. But enough complaining about my grandparents incubator of mold that they call a fridge, now to complain about the bugs! One day I was taking a shower and I lifted up my arm and saw this black THING wiggling its legs and half imbedded in my skin. It was one of the most retchid thing I have ever seen in my life and I still see it when I close my eyes O.O *shivers* But we did do some fun things. We went to a couple amusment parks, went to see caught in the 70s (Amanda got the hot guys autograph even though we both thought the thing sucked. She was so excited that he got pen on her arm and showed it off constantly) and saw the magnificent 7 in Branson. I wrote a couple things when I found the time and once I finish them up I'll go ahead and post them. I didn't have as much time to write as I thought because I couldn't write when everyone was trying to look over my shoulder and the days we were in a hotel I was so tired after the theme parks I did't feel much like writing afterwards. Well I'm just glad to be home and it's freezing here. My feet feel like ice but thats great because before they were sweaty and smelly! HOORAY FOR RAIN!!!!!!!! n.n I'm just glad to be home. Plus Loki is coming in a couple days which is the fucking most awesome news in my pitiful little life. I CAN"T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does a lil dance*

Year book signings!

Well, I'm going to Arkanasa tommorow first thing in the morning for a couple weeks. I will return on the 28th of this month and I get out of school early to go! ^.^ We're gonna go visit my grandparents since my grandpa doesn't have much longer to live. ALso, since there's going to be tons of times when there's absolutely nothing to do I'm going to try and get alot of writing that I said I was gonna do done ^.^;; But on to diffrent stuff...I always hate the last day of school because you don't get to see your friends all summer and some of them you don't see ever again because by next year they move or aren't in any of your classes T.T I'm going to miss so many of my friends and it's going to drive me crazy that I can't talk to ANY of my friends for 2 weeks when I go to Arkansas especially Loki (although I'll try my hardest to steal my mom's cell phone >.>) I have to call Ashely because she calls practicualy everyday to go swimming. But on to year book signings!!

+ROCK ON FOREVER! *rocker dude* -Zymometer (Joe)
+Hi eric - Nathan Sherman
+Noresa Wisdom
+Dude Daniel you...! ha ya! I dont know....
+Hey Eric Band has been great this year except for sweck!! oh well you love being entertained the whole year. Keep it up. See You next year ~chase~ *his phone#* p.s. Speedos will never DIE!
+Eric- You are so beautiful! -Laura Mohan (Mo) <---the o is a 16th note
+Melinda Robinson
+Jim Byman Have a good summer!
+Jeremy Ahrens Why do you care?
+Ahoy matey! Avast, ye swab! I got barnacles on me poopdeck! Have a good summer -Turner (aka Possum)
+Dont kill anyone. Have fun ^.^ Molly Plemmons
+Eric- Hope you do band next year your a really good trumpet player -Ryan Hepler
+~Eric~ I was so happy when I found out I had 2 more cousins at M.M. (that weren't jerks!) You are a total sweet heart and hope you like M.M. good luck next year. <3 Kellie Bjorum PS: Normally I'd say hope to see ya durrin the summer but I get to see ya everytime you come to class!
+Eric- Toontown-Floral Mickey-Toontown-Floral Mickey-Hope you had some fun this year and learned a little somethign as well- Iats (aka mr. Swecker, my band teacher)
+-Eric- Hey! It was fun w/ you in band. Your a real character!-Fudgie
+Hey,you were fun this year but your really mean at sparring & you hurt. Well call me if you get bored, Chaela Bowers *her home # and cell #*

I also had a bunch of people draw pictures in the back and I might scan that and put it up as well after I get back.

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful,
kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your
almost angelic, you find joy in others
happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in
pain. You want to make everyone around you feel
good about themselves and if someone is upset
you can tend to become rather upset as well
which means you are sympathetic and raise
others above yourself. Being as kind and
good-natured as you are people have most likely
hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up
every time. You may look fragile but you are
stronger than most tend to see. Life is
beautiful no matter how you look at it and you
understand that people make mistakes, not
everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in
the bad which is a talent few posses, dont ever
let anyone change you. You truly have a
beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by

The Dangers of Peanut Butter and Strangers: Locker Room the Mini Series

FINALLY! The next installment of the Dangers of Peanut Butter and Strangers series! I'm going to be trying and make a few episodes about the conversations in locker room I have with my friends Daniel (Woodchuck) and Nathan (Prairie dog). I'm not going to guarantee that the conversation is represented word for word 100% but I'll try my best. Hopefully I will be able to create a couple more but I can't promise it. I guarantee that this conversation did take place even though it may not be perfectly represented I have tryed my best to reproduce it. Warning!: Do not attempt any of these stunts at home. We are complete morons and only morons like us may attempts such stunts.

Woodchuck and Lemming where conversing in the swim locker room after a brisk 5th period swim. "I be a swedish pirate yar!" Lemming said in his best swedish accent. "I but a swedish pirate I be while a smokin my weed aye! My weed be my best friend...untill I smokes it then I be getting a new friend! Yee be getting my drift arr!" Woodchuck said trying to mix pirate, swedish, and reggae accents together. The locker room seemed to always be full of the strangest conversations. Maybe it was the atmoshphere knowing you could just act like a guy without any girls over hearing you, maybe it was the great weather they were having that made them energetic, or maybe it was simply overdoses of chlorine from the pool. "Aye but what about the moose!" Lemming said opening his locker which was placed right under his friend Prairie Dog's locker "What the hell are you guys on?" Prairie Dog said as he never quite understood what either of them ever talked about. "Oh! I have to tell you about the Eskimo!" exclaimed Lemming jumping up and down. "Ok, my english teacher has an aunt who is pure eskimo and drop dead gorgeous. Shes the average attractive female republican with her hair up in a bun, high heels, pearls and such and one day they're driving down a back road and a moose jumps out in front of them and hit it head on. So her aunt gets out of the car, then whips out a knife and guts the sucker on the side of the road!" "What!?" woodchuck just stares at Lemming strangley. "I'd love to see some hot chick gut a moose." he said laughing and suddenly Lemming bursts out "It's eskimo porn! 'It's like cut it open slower baby. Ooooooo deep fry that heart!' " The entire time this strange and awkward fantasy is being explained Prairie Dog is just kinda standing there staring at them as if they were two escaped mental patients "You don't deep fry the heart!" he said finally joining in the madness. "Well there are alot of freaky fetishes out there!" Lemming said laughing as he closed his locker and put the lock on it. "You guys are just wierd....." said Prairie Dog walking out of the locker room after he got his pants on. "Lemming! Lemming! It's like 'AAAAAAA!!! I got grease on my chest!' " Woodchuck pretended to grab his chest in pain " 'AAAAAA!!!! It hurts but it feels good at the same time!' " Lemming added " 'Wait...is that peanut oil? I'm allergic to peanuts!' " as he cringes on the floor. "I'm dying slowly but it feels goooooood!!' " "Aye he be dead but yar! That means more weed for me! Arr me meatballs!" Woodchuck said running out of the locker room.

So the moral of the story......ummmm you tell me cause hell if I know. I was part of that conversation and hell if I understand most of it. ARR!!!

First Journal entry in a loooooooong time

From now on I think I'll go ahead and keep some journal entrys to give myself something to do when I'm bored beyond belief but I'll probably only do one once every couple days. But now onto current events. This last week I've been wanting to talk to Loki so bad that I felt kinda empty...and today I finally talked to her!! n.n I was afraid to call cause I had no clue whether she was still in washington or in ohio. But we didn't really talk long since it's getting pretty late T.T soooo sad. And since we had such a short time to talk I forgot to ask her something REALLY important. On the 15th of next month my family and I are going to Arkansas for a few weeks. But the problem is Loki said she would come to Longview around the same time, or at least I think she is because her brother was very vague when he tried to explain when she was coming. (please Loki, if your reading this could you tell me when your coming or at least when you think your coming? Your bro said you would be coming in 2 weeks because your lil bro was going to alaska but he didn't exactly say 2 weeks from what.) Well anyways, onto current events.....again. Today I swimming at the YMCA with Ashely. I invited Joel to come along but turns out he was busy and Stephanie was suppose to come to but she didn't show. We mostly just swam around in the little heated pool the entire time and talked. We talked about nothing inparticular and she told me some things that I would have never guessed about my friend Jeremy (mwhuahaha I can't wait to bug him about the time he wore a pink dress to school)What I really like about the smaller pool is it has this cool whirlpool thing that you can float around in circles in but all the little brats were in it so I kept bumping into them. It was pretty fun though and as usual she tried to get me to go to a play but I keep telling her "I can't go to a play! Im not cultured enough! I'd die from the over fancy dialouge!" (cultured.....yogurt) Yesterday at Kung Fu was great. The entire time we did padded stick sparring ^.^ lol it was some of the most fun I've had at a saturday class. He also took aside us people in the demo team and gave us tricks to use against everyone else. After class Sifu started talking about something that's really gotten me thinking. Turns out he was secretly testing us. Whenever one of us walked in the door to the academy he asked "How are you?" and everyone either said "Good." or "Fine." He pointed out that people rarely think about what they are actually saying, they just simply say the first thing that comes to mind and don't give it a second thought. What he was trying to say is that people need to think about what they mean when they say stuff other wise your.....just saying stuff. Kinda makes you think doesn't it? oh! I now officially have a fan club! It's 1 person (other than my friends of course) but that still can be a club! Now to make the club jackets!

The Power of Nothing

The darkness does not consume,
It does not destroy nor blanket,
Only taking place of the light,
Hiding everything and everyone from sight,
The cold embrace of the wind,
Chilling to the bone,
The feeling of being dead,
The emptiness focusing,
Becoming one with you,
and forcing you to face the world,
The absence of joy is filled,
Causing the heart to blacken
As the coldness of the world harden it,
Slowly destroying,
Yet it is nothing,
Only absence,
Collapsing upon yourself,
From the weight of your life,
With no support,
Except from your crushed soul,
As you struggle to support such immense weight,
Sweating under the load,
And wishing to give up,
Not knowing how to deal,
As you cry in the darkness,
Where non can hear nor see,
Wishing for it all to come to an end,
It is the disease of nothingness,
The feeling of being alone,
The feeling of being hopeless,
The feeling of being empty,
There is but one cure,
To brighten the world with a smile,
To warm the heart with a hug,
To fill the emptiness with love,
To love the world and all it offers,
To love the friends that help,care and support you,
To find the strength within you,
A strength that is boundless.
Do not let the nothing take over,
By always keeping light in your heart
And finding the good in your life,
Forever keep something in your heart,
And you can be saved,
Because nothing is fatal....

Strange Fruit

This is the creepiest song I have ever heard in my freaking life.....I swear this is one of the most morbid things I have ever heard....

Strange Fruit by Billie Holiday

Southern trees bear strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.


This song is going to be a question on our test somehow and we listened to it in english because we were reading to kill a mockingbird that deals with racism. If you can't tell this song is about lynching in the south and how horrific it is. Actually, there is more to it than just hanging the "guilty" but is a bit more.....thorough than most people think. The accused is set on fire, shot, beaten, dragged for miles behind a car, whipped, and then hanged. Such displays of brutality were actually public displays that even children came to for entertainment. Theres horrible events have decreased in frequency but have not completely disapeared. 2003 was going to be the first year since the formation of the Klan that noone was lynched but in december it happened. Our world is no where near perfect and it will never be because it takes just one person to make a diffrence, whether it be positive or negative. Not everyone in this world can be happy, its simply impossible and neither is everyone thinking the same way there for there will always be "good" and "evil".

Love Unseen, Chapter 1 (or so) (unrevised)

This is a story I have been worked on for a while and then kinda forgot about it. It was originaly suppose to be a christmas present but it didn't get done in time. I worked on it for a while and some stuff happened and I got distracted from it but I decided to begin working on it again. I might also do some revision in the coming weeks so when those this one will be marked unrevised and when the final copy of it is done then I will repost it and begin again working on more of it. (sorry for lack of paragraphs, blogger sucks and im lazy)


A slight breeze blew by in the starry night sky. There is not a sound except the rustling of the trees. Suddenly a blood curdling scream is let out from a nearby cave “Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” and a loud thud. Within the cave standing in the dim candle light is a man. He is mumbling to himself and with each passing word he begins to look more and more distressed. Soon his mumbling begins to get louder and louder “Shubafadakeeba flookgan shoobata” he says as his eyes begin to bulge and a vein starts popping out of his head. He clenches his fist tight and begins to scream “Tagoobada troogan shabooda veegan KABBADEE!!” He pauses for a second staring out at the night sky suddenly seeming calm with a big grin on his face. But then as if stabbed in the head with a dagger, he bends down and grabs his head. He stands in front of the wall and stares at it blankly. Then suddenly, he reels back and smashes his head against it repeatedly. “Shut up brain shut brain SHUT UP BRAIN!” he begins screaming as his head becomes red and starts to bleed until finally with one last blow to the wall, he collapses on the ground in a heap leaving a dripping bloody mark on the wall. Right before passing out he utters quietly to himself as if praying for thanks “Silence…” while staring at a empty picture frame on a small wooden table. Through out the night nearby villagers of Flager began rumors that the cave was haunted or housed a ferocious monster. The rumors spread like wild fire through the night but many still went about their daily business.
“Fresh dragon berries picked from the finest grove known to man!” a vendor yells out in a crowded market place. The streets have been busy from the summer trade route that moves through town every year. This has lead to many pickpockets, rich snobs, moronic mountain men, and some of the strangest crazy people you would ever meet. People became accustomed to this and it didn’t feel like summer unless you lost your wallet and ran into some man screaming about lemmings taking over the world. The town of Flager was know for its large population. With this large population, many rumors spread throughout the kingdom making people paranoid. One day a kid threw a rock in front of someone’s window and everybody thought there was a new species of gray birds that were out to eat flesh. So the next day they ran around with their pitchforks and torches killing all the ‘gray birds’ they could find. Lucky for them they all appeared to sleep on the ground in large groups. Since that day Flager has been know to have the greatest minds of all time yet filled with a large amount of illiterate bums that would believe anything.
A fat man that smelled of rotting fish comes up to a cart and greets the vendor “Hey Daniel how’s business?” “Oh can’t complain. I’ve been selling lots of apples but for everyone I sell another disappears.” the vendor says as the fat man laughs “Well I guess it’s that time of year.” “Yeah, some man came up to me the other day asking if I wanted to buy some butter made from cats milk.” the vendor says shaking his head “Weird people” “What did he look like?” the fish man asked “Well he a lot of scars on his face and smelled kinda like cat urine.” “Oh! I just remembered something.” the man shouts out. “Hey have you heard about what happened last night?” the man asks quietly as he leans in over the cart “Hear about what?” the vendor asks as he also leans closer “There is said to be a horrible monster in that cave in the middle of the forest. Me and a bunch of other men were planning on go there to take a look. You wanna join?” the man says as he stands up again and begins talking normally. “I don’t find that very wise.” a cloaked figure says standing behind the man. “I have seen the monster and it is huge. It would tear through your men and never give it a second thought.” the mysterious person says warningly “Well then what do you suggest we do!?” the man retorts “I will take care of it myself.” the figure says walking through the crowd and out of town. “Weird people.” the vendor says shaking his head.
Later on a dusty path leading to the forest the hooded figure removes the hood. The hooded figure turns out to be a beautiful woman. She has long flowing blond hair and a star on her forehead. She seems to be very strong and stands at least 6 feet tall with large wings folded under her cloak. “What has that man done this time?” she says with a sigh. “I’ve been hearing rumors of this man everywhere and everybody thinks he is a monster. Maybe I can finally catch him and find out who he is.” Delthia says with new found energy. She puts on her hood and dashes down the path towards the forest with amazing speed. She wished she could just fly but knowing these parts if someone saw her she would be struck down with out question. Nobody ever actually thinks for themselves, but rely on rumors she thought to herself.
Soon she entered the forest and made her way to the cave. Standing behind a tree she peaks into the cave. There seems to be nobody inside so she walks over carefully trying not to make a sound incase the man is in the cave but she cannot see him. Finally entering, she looks around to find nothing inside. “Damn, looks like I just missed him.” she says taking a look around noticing a dark mark on the wall that seems to be blood. “Jeez, what happened here?” she says feeling the wall finding the blood to be dry but still a little moist. She takes a step backwards trying to get a better look of the cave and accidentally kicks something. Delthia stops and takes looks behind her to see a gold locket on the ground. “What’s this?” she bends down and reaches for it but suddenly a man runs in and snatches it away. “Hey that’s not yours! Well it isn’t mine either, but still, give it back!” She yells at him as she gives chase. After running for a quarter of a mile she soon loses him and gives up. “I’m just not lucky anymore. Might as well head back to my keep.” She says with a sigh as she walks east towards the cliff.
Arriving at her keep she drops her cloak and stands at the edge of the cliff looking down below. The sea crashes against the cliff with a great green reef below. She stares longingly out towards the sea. “God I miss him.” she says with a sigh thinking of her mate. A man then stumbles out of the forest. Delthia just continues to zone out completely lost in thought. The strange man trips and falls face down on the ground and mumbles to himself. Delthia takes a brief glance at the man but goes back to thinking. The man gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff. He seemed to be in his own little world and Delthia decides to just leave him alone. He takes a brief glance noticing Delthia but went back to mumbling to himself. She hears his mumbling, but she can’t make out a word. It seemed he was speaking gibberish “Tragooban racakana vakyfary” he said quietly to himself with tears in his eyes. She notices a bloody mark on his forehead and the locket around his neck. He slowly stands up saying in English “There is but only one way to gain complete silence.” he says softly. He opened the locket and stared into it deeply, even though it appeared to be empty. Closing the locket and putting it in his pocket he looks towards the sea. Delthia opens her wings preparing to fly as the man bends his knees to get ready to jump.
The strange man begins talking to himself again with tears growing with each passing word. “There is no order in my mind, nothing but the insanity of a thousand mad man wrapped up in the inner thoughts of a poet. For every thought that passes my mind thousands of possibilities flash by in a second. I can not have a moment of peace for silence is impossible. With each passing breath my mind becomes more chaotic. With each passing hour sleep becomes as inane of thought as the idea of walking on the moon.“ he wipes the tears from his eyes as his words become more powerful “Every day I think of nothing but a love that can not be found, for the distance that separates us is immeasurable. There is not much for me to do before insanity takes over clear thinking, for I always think of her more and more. This is the only way.” With his final words he leaps over the cliff with a smile on his face.
Delthia takes off at a dive towards the suicidal man with her arms out stretched. She presses her wings hard against her trying to get every ounce of speed possible. The man seamed to have his eyes closed with the same eerie smile on his face. She reaches out and grabs the scruff of his neck and unfolds her wings. With a big jerk they suddenly slow down and she begins to fly upwards. Upon reaching the top she flies him over under a tree and plops him down. “What the hell is the matter with you!? I don’t like people coming to my keep to kill themselves.” she says furiously. The man gets up and attempts to make a run for the cliff but Delthia shoves him to the ground. Attempting to get up he shouts out “You don’t understand!” but with another push he’s quickly back to the ground. He gives up and sits with his head between his knees “You just don’t understand my pain.” “I do to understand your pain.” she bends down and put her hand on his shoulder “I am without my mate for years, and it’s driving me stir crazy, but I do not want to bring him such pain by killing myself” she says trying to comfort him. “This is much different.” he says with frustration. “How so?” she attempts to put her hand on his shoulder but he scoots away again. “My ‘mate’, as you would put it, is pretty damn far away.” “Well go to her.” she says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I can’t, we are separated by more than just miles. It’s more of a matter of….well time.”
“We both live in a different time and space. She is trapped in a dimension of nothingness while I am here. We don’t know why, but we are in love. We are exact opposites, yet the same in many ways. We have never met, yet we know each other more than anyone.” he stands up and begins to cry again “How would you feel in my situation!? I wish to give her a loving embrace, but that shall never happen! At least you have met the one you love and have a chance of him returning!” he begins walking backwards towards the forest but he trips on a rock falling on his back. “I am cursed. Cursed to always think about her till the day I die. So I began to go insane. It continues to grow and grow taking over my mind. But soon my insanity will grow so much that it will spread to others. It will spread like the plague, soon driving everyone to the brink of madness. You may not believe me, and find me as just a madman, but what I tell you is true. And I must do what I have came here to do.” He then gets up and makes a run for the cliff but Delthia just sticks out her foot and trips him. While the man was slightly dazed, she walked behind a tree and appeared again with some rope, binding his hands and feet. “O.K. that will hold him for a while.”
Waking up the man struggles in his bonds “Let me go!” “No there has to be another way, you can’t just kill yourself.” the man stops struggling and tries to calm himself “There is another way but it is near impossible. I must find a gateway to her dimension. But upon reaching that dimension I must pass great obstacles and challenges created by an almighty overseer whose soul purpose is to keep us apart.” he says seeming depressed “I have searched far and wide but I cannot find it.” “Well is that all you have to do? You really shouldn’t take the cowards way out by killing yourself. You must continue searching and I can help you.” Delthia says with a smile on her face and puts her hand on his shoulder and he doesn’t even attempt to pull away. He suddenly has a smile on his face and says “Thank you, I would greatly appreciate your help. My names Cire.” She begins to untie him and says “I’m Delthia, pleased to meet you.” as she helps him up onto his feet.
Delthia and Cire headed back to town hoping there might be a rumor going around about a dimensional door. Knowing this town, they are bound to find some information. Walking through the market place they look for a well know psychic. He is said to be eccentric but his visions are true. “I have heard of this psychic before, The Trupaokl. I think I met him once in a field grazing on some grass.” Cire says “Strange fellow.” Suddenly Cire stops and stares blankly at a wall. Delthia waves her hand in front of his face “Hello? Cire snap out of it!” she says smacking him. “Huh? What? Oh sorry I…I got to thinking again.” cire says seeming startled that Delthia slapped him “Well keep your mind occupied. Here I think I know a way.” she says rummaging in her pocket and pulls out a sort of disk “It’s called a yo-yo.” she says handing it to Cire “Maybe that will keep you entertained.” Cire just stares at the yo-yo and puts it on his finger and letting it drop “Oh. Yeah great fun.” “No you make it go down then make it go up and catch it.” He then tries this smacking himself in the jaw his first couple attempts but he soon gets the hang of it. “Ok now back to finding that Trupaokl guy.”
Cire and Delthia searched the entire day, but to no avail. Giving up hope they headed out of town wandering the country side hoping to maybe see him walking around. “What does The Trupaokl look like anyway?” Delthia asks questionably “Trust me you’ll know when you see him.” Cire says with a laugh. Suddenly a man jumps out of the bushes screaming “Take that! Who the Trupaokl, who the Trupaokl!” Delthia leans over and whispers to Cire “umm. I’m guessing that’s him?” “Don’t you understand!? With gravity slain now we can fly!” The Trupaokl says jumping in the air and falling face first “Damn it! The penguins have caught onto my plans.” looking up Trupaokl says “Oh hello there. What can I do for ya?” Trupaokl says standing up and brushing himself off. “Well we need some information and we thought you could help us.” Delthia asks approaching him “We would..” “No! We mustn’t talk out here.” The Trupaokl says cutting her off. Looking around he walks through the bushes he came out of and headed down the path “Someone could here us.” Delthia follows him with Cire behind her “Are you sure he really sees things?” “Yes. He may act strange but he is reliable. He just has his good days and his bad days so try to put up with him.” Cire says to Delthia trying to keep up “Well what kinda day does this look like?” she says with a laugh “Well judging from his lack of human feet necklaces, broken bones, tree sap in his pants, sheep’s bladder over his head, and the fact he has his cloths on, I would say pretty good. I’ve heard a lot about this guy. Whatever he says or does just humor him. We need to gain his trust.” Cire says ducking under a tree branch.
Upon reaching the cabin, Trupaokl began to do what seemed to be some sort of dance. Each step he took it looked like he was walking on hot coals and his arms were waving around like wet noodles “Umm. Excuse me Trupaokl but what are your doing?” Delthia asks with a look of confusion on her face. “It’s called the jello dance.” Trupaokl says while shaking his butt in the air “It summons flaming jello from the sky to smite your enemies!” “Oh. Of course, the jello dance…” Delthia says trying to muffle her laughter. “This is serious!” Trupaokl stops and looks coldly at Delthia “I must stop the penguins before their plan is complete!” after spinning on his head 5 times and hopping on one leg while spinning around flapping his arms around like a bird he finally got up and walked calmly to the door. “Don’t forget to wipe your feet.” with wide eyes Delthia and Cire slowly walk to the door “Cire, are you sure this guy hasn’t been kicked in the head by one to many mules?” “Come on Delthia, at least give the guy a chance.” “I would rather give a chance to a drunk with a spear in his head.”
Walking inside Cire and Delthia the first thing they notice a large box of walnuts in the middle of the floor. “Okay, I knew he was nutty but this is not what I meant.” Delthia snickered.

Coming soon....

Sorry for the intensity of my last post. I wasn't in the best of moods and I really needed to vent off some of my emotions. I guess after what happened someting kinda snapped and I just wrote and wrote without thinking. All I did was write what I felt and basically thought if anyone disagreed, screw them. Soon I will make at least 2 entries in View of the Pretendor for the lack of posts and after some insperation surprisingly from a comedian. 1 will be a short story about how to not waste certain moments in life and another about the importance of letting off some steam now and then, which I have just learned how greatly important it is to do. I also might make a 3rd dealing with racism but I dont exactly have a structure worked out to write it yet so it might be a while. I'll do my best to get the posts up as soon as possible but I'll also try to take my time. To all those that care, I am feeling better after what happened and I will use what I learned from it to benefit me in the future.

THERES NO REASON NOT TO!

This is again one of those depressing kind of posts yet I wish to give those who read this a little piece of my mind. My aunt has just passed away not even a few hours ago today. My mom is broken up and crying and we offer her hugs but I know that can not fill the hole. Wanna know what? I am fucking tired of hearing this god damn shit about there being no meaning in life and people fucking crying over it! There is no meaning in life, DEAL WITH IT! I agree there is no meaning of life but who gives a flying fuck about it? Your living right now,right this instant and theres nothing that can change that! There is no meaning in life unless you make one. Our point in life is to make babys that make babys that make babys ect. but you can make a meaning for life by yourself. Do what makes you happy in life is all that matters. If you die do you want to be happy and smiling or sad and crying? Dont say it doesnt matter! Think for 1 second would you want to be happy or sad. The answer 100% of the time is happy! SO MAKE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT! Dont be moping about saying "oh theres no meaning in life,i should just die right now cause it wouldnt matter." if you say that someone should fucking sock you in the face! IT DOES MATTER! Everything you do matters in some shape or form! Every little miniscule choice you make never just effects you but effects also the others around you. Dont be a god damn selfish asshole and just be a sad loser because it will effect the others around you. Alot of people say they are alone but you know what? Your not alone EVER! You have friends if you say you dont go make some and be happy. WHY NOT BE HAPPY! WHY IN THE SEVEN HELLS WOULD YOU NOT WANT TO BE HAPPY! Some say that they dont "deserve" to be happy when everyone has the right to. Again, just do whatever makes you happy and who cares what others think. There is no meaning in life unless you make one unlike millions of others sad mopping people. Just deal with it and say "Screw it Im just going to have fun!" Fun is what life is all about. If you like to ski,go ski,if you like to play sports,play sports,if you like to have sex,have sex,but dont be do something stupid and hurt others in the process because would you want to be the one to ruin someones life? Well if you do then go ahead asshole and have that weight bare on you for the rest of your selfish life! Again I say it, WHY NOT BE HAPPY AND HAVE FUN! If it makes you happy and feels good DO IT! Theres no reason not to. THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO!THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO!THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO!THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO!THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! LISTEN TO ME! I dont care whatever someone says I will just jam that mother fucking thought into your head untill you listen! As the song gos "Dont worry,be happy" And suicide is the most low and stupid thing you could ever do. Those who even THINK about it are short sighted and ignorant! Do you know the effects it will have on those around you!? Even those you dont know will be effected! Everyone that has ever come in contact with you will be effected so DONT BE A SELFISH ASSHOLE AND DO SUCH A THING! Wanna know why I am so pissed off at this subject? Because I have seen those and have come in contact with those who gone so far to think that there is no reason to live and I have just wanted to slap them right then and there and scream and yell untill they finally get my point! Dont be such a self pity loser and actually take action to be happy! I WILL SAY IT A MILLION TIMES MORE! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! Make a goal or meaning in life that makes you happy and stick with it. Strive towards it no matter what anyone says or does just do whatever you want in life if it makes you happy. That is all that matters in life. You are not born with a meaning you have to make one yourself and only those who dont are unhappy. Create your own motivation to live or you can just give up and leave this world. Its your choice and only you can decide. Do you want to die and corrupt others lives and create sorrow in the ones you love and ever complete strangers? Or do you want to live life to its fullest and be happy? I leave you with this simple question and I dare someone to give me resonable aswer. Why not be happy?

intro gone story (a.k.a. follow your heart)

The moon slipped out from behind a puffy white cloud, enlightening the rolling hills below. Its halo of light brightening the sky around it as if it was day, its dim light cascading down and casting the field in a faint glow. The tall yellow grass sprouted from the ground about a foot as a meandering trail left behind leads to a young dragon boy hidden away under the meadow. He looked to the heavens above, the stars twinkling in his dark brown eyes, eyes that seemed to dip down to boundless depths surrounding him in a slight air of mystery. He looked to the moon and smiled a warm comforting smile that could befriend even the most unapproachable of characters. With his hand he brushed his medium length brown hair from his eyes, revealing his short curved horns. Sitting up he hugged his legs close to him, unfolding his red wings stretching them a bit as his long tail swished from side to side rustling the grass behind him. He appeared to be 15 years old and wore the typical set of cloths for his age. On his back he had a light brown jacket with a plain white T-shirt and had a pair of dark blue cargo pants with slightly ripped up legs. He wore a pair of old scuffed up tennis shoes and a black collar necklace as well. Looking to moon again he seemed to get lost in its comforting glow as he sat there in absolute silence aside from the bitter breeze. A breeze so chilling that it would cause others to shiver, yet he seemed to embrace and become empowered from it. Humming to himself he just sat there and smiled as if not a care in the world, as if he was sitting side by side with the girl he loved as he smiled to the moon. “If only she was here…” he said, his voice trailing off in the wind. Placing his hand on his shoulder he felt her touch, he felt her soft cheeks pressing against his own, he felt her caring embrace as her imaginary ghost held him tightly. As fast as a crack of the whip, suddenly the breeze kicked up into a powerful gust so all that could be heard was the white noise of the wind whipping through the grass snapping him out of his dream like state. Attempting to challenge the wind, he stood up slowly but surely, facing the wind head on as his hair blew about wildly. As he planted his feet firmly he began shouting to the wind “Is this all that you got! Is this all the strength that you can muster!” as he trudge forward, one straining step after another. The more he pushed onward the stronger the wind got, soon plants were being ripped out by the roots flying backwards like dandelions and soon, the very sound of it was unbearably earsplitting. Looking up he noticed a rather large tree only 30 feet away, not being in a particularly good position to question why he had not noticed such a enormous site before, he decided not to question a good thing. Dropping down onto all fours he dug his nails deep into the dirt, folded his wings tight against his back to become more streamlined, and powered on. Slowly making his way to the tree inch by inch what could have been minutes seemed hours to him, yet never once stopping to ask himself why he was fighting such an unbeatable force. In his mind he believed he could not win yet in his heart he was all but certain that there was hope for him, and that’s all the strength he needed to continue to move onward. As came within arms length of the tree, with one great leap, he reached out and clung to the tree tightly. Trying with all his might to hold on suddenly as rapid as the wind picked up, it began to fade gradually until it was no more than a faint warm breeze. Pausing for a second trying to comprehend what had just happened, he looked about wide eyed as if expecting a ghost to jump out of nowhere. All of a sudden he broke out in hysterical laughter letting go of the tree and rolling about on the ground. Seeming to be caught up in a great fit of joy as he laughed and laughed as if he was a small boy again. He did not know why he was laughing exactly, but he laughed on anyway. As his laughter faded away he sat up and inspected the tree before him. The tree appeared to be ancient and near to death yet it stood there unmoving even in the powerful wind that had passed. Jumping up he hung off one of the branches to test it. It seemed solid enough so he jumped up onto it and made his way to the top. After reaching about half way he looked down to see how far he had ascended. “It’s really a great view from up here.” he said to himself looking out to see the field below marveling at the shadows dancing about as the wind caused the meadow to move like one giant wave. Just sitting there he was in a state of complete serenity as his mind seemed free from its constant cycle of ever thinking. Sitting there he felt as if time had stopped, as if he would never have to worry of anything ever again. Temporarily losing sense of time he sat there for what was hours yet to him everything seemed to happen within seconds. Leaning back he looked skyward to the stars above and snapped out of his state of tranquility as he noticed something out of the usual. The tree seemed to have grown by at least 25 feet without him noticing. Standing up, he jumped up to the branch above him and stood for a second as if expecting the tree to react. Staring down the tree he stood there waiting. Scratching his head he looked down to the ground again seeing if anything had changed but as he looked up again the tree seemed to grow again. Reaching up to grab the branch above his head he pulled himself up as the tree grew again before his very eyes. Climbing another branch the tree grew again. Speeding his pace up a bit the tree grew even faster as if the tip of it was running away from him yet teasing him to try and catch it. Hopping from one branch to another upwards it grew faster and faster. Soon he was almost flying up the tree with its tip always just barely out of reach. The game of tag soon led up to great heights and into the clouds as his brow moistened with sweat. Never looking down, he powered on just because in his gut he felt that there was something at the end, but not knowing exactly what was not going to stop him. Abruptly the branch stopped growing just below a small white cloud. Slowing his ascent, he made his way up the last couple branches of the tree. Breathing heavily, near the point of collapsing, he tried his best to catch his breath and poked his head through the bottom of the cloud. Still catching his breath he scanned the cloud and what he saw really took his breath away. Surrounded by the infinite splendor of the stars and the ever smiling moon was beauty defined. It was her. As he stood there awestruck, he could to form words while she sat with her back to him looking out to the stars. She seemed to be sitting on the cloud as if it was solid. Not even caring about the fact that he was merely standing on fog, he lifted himself up onto the cloud and walked over to her. He could not believe his eyes but he believed in his heart it truly was her and that’s all that really mattered. He walked over to her, again at a loss words, and sat beside her. They both continued to gaze at the stars as he placed his arm across her shoulders and smiled with tears in his eyes. Looking to him she smiled as well as she rested her head on his shoulder with the same joyful tears forming. Words were not needed as they sat there together in the moons comforting glow. He did not know if this was a dream or if it was reality but it did not matter. All that he cared about was that they were together and nothing else mattered. Just sitting there in silence . Not able to hold the tears back any longer he whispered softly “I love you….” as tears began to roll down her cheeks as well “I love you too….” as they sat there forever, never wishing the moment to end.

Just felt like making a post

I feel really depressed right now. Ive been thinking about Loki all night and I want to talk to her but I dont want to get her in trouble again for calling late. To put it in the simplest terms possible I just feel like I need a hug right now. Im trying to do my poetry homework but all I write about is about her. Like "her words as loving as a kiss" "her touch as gentle as a feather" "my thoughts as deep as a well" I also wrote a poem (since its poetry homework) about her and it sucks but I dont give a flip who reads this right now.

To feel
as if a hole has been filled
blossoming like a flower
with each passing word
her whisper
like a warm summers breeze
dreaming of nothing
but her
life is unfair
as she was ripped away
like a bandage
leaving a sting
and reopening the wound
caused by life
without her

Its stupid, it sucks, its free verse and thats the only kind i can write, dont say its good cause theres no way in hell im going to believe anyone. Its just one of those moments where I would give anything to be with her right now. Its strange really. I think constantly of the ways that we are different and how never seeing her has changed the way we feel about each other. Its as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. But what about absence of something that was never there to begin with yet you feel it all the same? Everyday I do not talk to her it feels more and more like I imagined it all. How long we have felt this way towards each other just my mind playing tricks on me. Most of the time I know in my heart I love her but sometimes its hard to hold onto that feeling. It slips from my grasp and is replaced with doubt, emptiness, sorrow, and a great feeling of being totally alone in the world. At these times I dont know what to think. I try to power through and do what needs to be done in my everyday life like homework and kung fu and so on and so forth but its tough. Sometimes I just want to just say "screw it!" and forget about everything and have no worries. Life is strange how there is always something to worry about. When your a kid you dont register in your brain what might be coming while as you get older your responsibilities pile up and you are forced to worry about your job and money and the government and even on vacation where you try to get away theres still the day you have to go back and worry about finishing that statement at work. Then when your old you worry about diying and how your kids will pay for your funeral. All there is to do in life is worry about whats going to happen. Theres never a single moment when you can have no worries and actually relax. At times I am able to go outside and just stare at the moon and feel calm and get away from my worries but as soon as that moon is blocked by closed doors im back to living a stressful life just like everyother human being. We have been enslaved by our own system. All I wish for right now with all my heart is to be able to quit doubting myself and my love for Loki but I cant untill that one day I can look her in the eye and hold her. That day will come soon and hopefully we can both last untill then.

Monarchs and Drunken Irish

The last 4 days have been really busy for me. My schools baskteball team the Monarchs made it to state this year and the pep band got a chance to play at all the games. The first day on wednesday we drove up and I sat with my friends Andrew (Possum), Deric, Josh, and Stephanie on the way up and back. We played 20 questions most of the way and I really cofused everybody including myself when I thought cotton came from sheep and was never alive and when Andrew argued that ragu is more of a tomato sauce then a paste (which is yet to be determined). Then some people start driving beside us on my side of the bus and started honking their horn so by reflex I look out and this guys naked fat ass was pressed against the window. Too bad I was trying to keep myself from going blind and forgot to get the license plate number. After a couple hour drive we made it up to the Tacoma dome, got our instuments off the bottom of the bus, and headed in. Inside the dome was huge and the ceiling was at least 100 feet high if not more. As the game got started we sat down and got ready to play as someone passed a big bag of peanuts around. Everybody made a mess and the floor had half an inch of peanut shells on the ground. We won the game against Renton 61 to 58. There was a little cheering here and there but it wasnt all that exciting. Driving home Josh and I bugged Stephanie by trying to steal her hair band cause for some reason she hides if she doesnt have a pony tail. The second day it was just me and Deric cause Andrew forgot to sign up and Josh and Nibblet (Stephanie) got stuck in the back. We played hangman for a while and got bored of it pretty fast so the last one I did was 1 letter and Deric said "I dont want to play anymore. I dont know.....Z I guess." and he got it right lol. The game was pretty good as we crushed the Sedro-Woolley cubs 68-41. We were a little more enthusiastic this time but still wasnt all that amazing really but it was a great game. On the way back it had been raining and the sun was just setting so the sun was shining off the road and we say 4 seperate crashes on the road. 1 of them happening right in front of us. From what I heard I dont think there were any deaths cause the crashes werent all that bad but there were a few minor injuries. After getting back to school my mom picked us up and we headed to taco time n.n On day 3 everybody was starting to get tired but the bus ride was still pretty fun with Andrew back. We played 20 questions some more and Deric won in 3 questions (he just lucky!) The game was definately one of the better ones Ive seen. We were playing Rainier Beach, I think they made it to finals last year, and who were possibly one of the toughest teams at the tournament. The odd thing was most of our guys were white and wore white jerseys while Rainier Beach was mostly black guys with black jerseys so there were alot of wierd things come from our head screamers mouth Myels, and boy does he got some powerful lungs. He shouted things like "Put the whip to them!" and "Once you go black you never go back although white is alright!" or one of the real crowd pleasers "Michael Jackson is more black than you!" During half time we were about to play "Gimmie Some Lovin" but once of the trombone players started playing "Hey Baby" and screwed us up. After finishing the song , with a couple screw ups, the other band started playing "Hey Baby"! So we did what we always did during Hey Baby........we sang. We sang loud, proud, and out of key! We got alot of funny looks from the crowd and one guy even pretended to conduct us but our drum major just laughed and gave us the loser sign. After laughing our asses off half time weas over and the game was back on. Rainier Beach played a tough game, we got fouled alot after the second quarter, but in the end we won 56-44 and the band exploded. Everybody was flipping out that we finally made it to state finals and we made sure everybody in the dome knew and we were even live on seattle news! The drum major gave us the V and we got ready to play our fight song "Go Vandals" which we played as loud as we could. Too bad for the person right infront of the trombone and trumpet section.....On the bus we screamed our selfs even more hoarse as we did a couple cheers and flashed the V for victory at the other band and shouted at them some more. Then as they were leaving the entire bus flipped us off. Their such sore losers but it was one of the funniest sites I have ever seen. We started singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall as we got on the highway but it died at 93 bottles and we got to what everybody calls "Roller Coaster drive" on the way out of Tacoma and we put our hands up and screamed on the way down pretending to be on a roller coaster. Yeah I know we're freaks....but it was fun! We did a few waves then sang our pep music where each person pretended to be their own instrument. It was actually pretty good for being really stupid. We sang hey baby, low rydder, rock and roll part 2, and fun zone and we just laughed and shouted half way home. A few mac trucks went by and everybody tried to get them to blow their horn but all we got out of them was a couple quick toots. Also later on suddenly everybody screamed "HOOTERS!!!!" as we drove it and for some reason some asked who was hooters so Cory, as he usually does, provided the answer in a somewhat wierd fashion "Its a family reastraunt!" After everyone calmed down Andrew was telling some jokes from a internet cartoon red vs. blue. My favorite one was "We're in the middle of know where! You cant pick up chicks with a tank!?" After we ran out of things to talk about Andrew and I just sat there as Deric and Alec who sat behind us slept. I dont know how we got on the subject but we started talking about the meaning of life and how it should be spent. I never could tell that Andrew was really that deep and thoughtful cause usually hes a extremely strange hyper super genius but I helped him with a few things that were bothering him and then we talked about video games lol. Finally getting back home I trudged to my bedroom and flopped my bed and fell asleep. It had been a exhausting day and I could barely talk from all the shouting we did. Waking up early the next day I just couldnt wait for the game. I went through my normal day and went outside to mow the lawn. I had been thinking of the night before and thought up a new saying "Dont judge a book by its cover and dont judge a author by his book." but after that I was too excited to just sit down and think. I got my backpack ready with a couple pops for my friends and I, a pillow, and my MP3 player. I put it on and I see a flashlight on my floor and think to myself "I guess I'll bring that flashlight just for the heck of it." so I stuck that in there to. My mom drove me to the school and when we got in the band room Mr. Swecker brang out 3 slightly eaten cakes as he said "Everybody get sugared up!" There was carrot cake, chocolate cake with creme filling and vanilla frosting, and chocolate with chocolate frosting and all 3 had writing on it like "Happy birthday!" or "Have a good retirment!" but hey it was good cake at least! Walking around I noticed the board said "From the seattle times" and a arrow pointing to a picture of one of Rainier Beaches guys screaming that they lost and the text under it said "We could have won if we had a band as good as theirs!"It was a good laugh and I think Mr. Swecker really liked it. We got on the bus and I sat with Nibblet while Josh got stuck with one of the annoying twins Kyel....or was it Meyls?.....but anyways, she brought her gameboy and we played super mario bros. taking turns. A bunch of people passed around pringles, cookies, and pop. Then we stopped at a strip mall with a bunch of reastraunts and Mr. Swecker gave all of us some money the school provided for food. Josh, Nibblet, and I went to god fathers pizza and ordered a medium pepperoni and talked about sushi and stuff. Afterwards we went over to DQ and Nibblet and I pooled our money together to get some milk shakes but we didnt have enough for tax so I bribed Andrew who just walked in with some candy I got from a play till you win game at godfathers pizza for a couple quarters. We got back on the road once everybody got back and Mr. Swecker passed out bags of candy to share he got from the dollar store. After about half an hour we saw the 13 mile sign for Tacoma and suddenly when we hit a bump and the bus started beeping to indicate something is wrong. We turned onto a pull off ramp and checked it over to find that there was a problem with the air brakes. The bus driver gets back on and says "I forgot my emergency pack. Does anyone happen to have a falshlight?" so I was like "..........I have a flashlight!" so I gave it to her and someone also happened to have some electrical tape and a shoelace. It was like fate or something.......so we were off again. We unloaded as usual and right when they opened the doors for us we gave out a roar and made our way in to find that nobody heard us cause the game was on the other side of the dome. So we walked on over and got ready for the game. As usual we were the bigger band of the 2 and we played really good but our team didnt. We were playing O'Dea, last years state champions. It was a huge all guy private school and they were loud. They were screaming,cheering,pounding on chairs, it felt like an earthquake. Our team good the first half at 24-22 and at we kept them behind by at least a couple points for a while untill the 3rd quarter with 3:35 they over took us 31-30 and it went downhill from there. In the end we played a good game but lost 60-48. I was always use to being the team that crushed the other guys with a come from behind victory but the tables had turned. But we had gotten 2nd in state and thats still a great acheivment. Now we can run it in R.A. Long and Kelsos face! We werent exactly excited but we werent exactly sad either just a little disapointed. It was our last pep game for the year and we had lost. I feel bad for the seniors since this is their last game period while us freshman still have 3 more years. We got on the bus and Beca, one of our drum majors, gave a speech about how great we did and how she proud of us all and how shes going to miss us. Everybody clapped for her and she even started to cry. We gave a couple good cheers then got on the highway. Stephanie and I played Mario somemore (i just could help but laugh thinking of peanut butter) and I finally beat the part she had been stuck on for a while. We listened to my music and it turns out she likes New Found Glory and Green Day. I was surprised really cause she usually only listens to country but soon my battery ran out. Ive been kinda thinking maybe I might, keywords being might and kinda!, ask Stephanie out. Ill have to work on not being so disgusting and wierd around her before she will even consider the idea without going "EWWWWWWWWWWW!" but I have a feeling that after the trip she finds me slightly less gross....very slightly. We got back to Longview and there were a couple cheers seeing the welcome sign and we made our we back to the school. We put our instruments back in our lockers, had some more cake, and went home. There were alot of sad faces from the seniors but hopefully they can have just as good experiences in college band as they did high school. It was kinda symbolic as they gently placed their instruments away and walked to their cars glancing back at the band room. I know someday that day will come for me to and well I'm gonna make sure I will have a good time while I can. I guess believe it or not ive found out what school spirit really is now although I still do not believe in school rivalry its really more how supportive you are of the others around you. I know the day will come when I go to my final pep game and I dont get to see my friends again, or dance around like a wierdo during half time, or enjoy the fight over the candy Swecker throws out, or scream my head off and stomp around just because I can, but I will untill that last state game where if we win or lose I will just smile and do a victory lap around the track.

Hard Times on V-day

As I have said a million times and hope that I can a million more that I’m glad I can help. As I sat there reading what you had said my eyes traced the letters on the keyboard over and over as tears rolled down my cheeks. L-O-V-E. I have never felt it before and I wish to feel it forever more. This feeling of being lightheaded , sick, worried, confused, yet so as happy as I have never felt before. At times I wish it to stop, to have the life I once had that was so uncomplicated, but at others I wish it to never end. I look behind my shoulder with hope of you being there ,but even though I know it will never be that way ,I look anyway because there is always hope. Hope is undeniable. It is there as sure as the sun will rise in the morning or set at night. On days of despair the sun is blocked by clouds of doubt, fear, jealousy, hate, sorrow, or confusion but you know in you heart it is there. I look to the moon knowing that we are connected, in someway at least, and I try to imagine the warmth of your body in my arms. You know how I feel about you. I would die just so you could have a good life. You know that all I want is your happiness, and that is why I stay. I am always here for you and always will. I wish that I could hold you forever and make sure that nothing ever bad will happen to you, but I know I cannot do that. All I can do is sit here, tell you how I feel and trust in you judgment. Please think of the consequences of your actions because alot of times shit happens and it all could have been changed....if someone would just take a minute to think. You say that there is no point to life and I agree with you in a way. No one is born with a purpose to life, everyone makes their own. Life is a challenge, which you choose to take or not to take, and is not meant to be unbearable but to do what you want to do. Do what brings you joy in life. I feel that my purpose in life is to try and help others because it is what brings me the most joy in my life. If I could put a smile on just one persons face, even if it is only for a little while, I am happy beyond words. Some times the path in life you have chosen or have been forced to take is rough but there is no reason to give up. Death or merely quitting and saying, why do anything? everything is pointless, is the cowards way out, it is only for the weak and short minded. Some things may seem that way at times but everything and everyone one has a purpose but some just do not wish to take the challenge to find it and never amount to anything. Do not give up because i know the purpose you find will be a great one someday. Do not feel you need to amount to societys standards, but to your own. You have made a difference in my life and others and that is all that matters. The whole world may not remember you when you die but the ones you have effected will. The world wont remember the ‘famous’ people sooner or later anyway but be glad you could make a difference in some peoples lives especially mine and I am glad that I could put a smile on your face and I will hopefully do the same for years to come. I love you Loki and wish you a happy valentines day.

To:Loki-ness

By:Eric