Never felt better n.n (well, almost. damn procrastinating...)

Well I sure feel great n.n Christmas was good. I got some Adam Sandler movies, UHF DVD, boom box, Gorillaz Demon Days cd, a really cool camera, Family Guy seasons 1 and 2, Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones for PS2, Homer Simpson pjs (different then my others. I ripped the already though x.x why is it always the front to rip?...) and a really cool gamer T-shirt ^^ I love it. It lists "The Things Video Games Teach us." It has a picture from the old space invaders and it says:
*There is no problem that cannot be overcome by force.
*If it moves, DESTROY IT!
*Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
*One lone "good guy" can defeat an infinte number of "bad guys."
*Make sure you eat all food lying on the ground.
*You can break things and get away with it.
*You can push other vehicles off the road and get away with it.
*If someone dies, they disappear.
*If you get mad enough, you can fight even better.
*You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
*You can operate all weapons without training.
*No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.
*Death is reversible (only for you!)
*Ninjas are common and frequently fight in public.
*Whenever big fat mean guys are about to croak, they begin flashing red or yellow.
*You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.
*All women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
*Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was bad.
*Don't worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear in its place.
*A thousand-to-one odds against you is NOT a problem.
^^ It's great. Also this year I have spent the most ever on presents for my friends. I got Loki Soul Calibur 2 for Xbox and a shirt with a squirrel holding a baseball bat with a pile of nuts and it says "Protect your nuts!" XD she loved it. (I got it straight from Victoria's Secret *wink*) I really wanted to get her this other one with two squirrels on it where one is twirling a bra in the air and the other has a beer and it says "Squirrels gone wild!" but they were out T.T I'm glad it fits lol x.x I was really worrying about that since they only had them in mens, I dont know the difference between men and womans sizes but she said it was a lil big but thats better than too small lol. I got my friend Kim a neon orange Nike shirt since she loves orange and thinks it's sexy (A little too much at times though. Shes like "Look at my orange sexy cup! You know your turned on!" XD) I got Joel Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time, and Alec a shirt that has a picture of a pirate flipping off a ninja and it says "Pirates are way cooler than ninjas" But his gift is what got me to go on this big present buying thing. I bought myself a shirt that has a picture of a ninja flipping off a pirate and it says "Ninjas are way cooler than pirates" and since he says pirates are better and I say ninjas are, and because he can't order stuff off the internet (I got it here www.jinx.com) I decided to get for him as a present. But since I bought him a present I knew I should get Kim a present and I thought I might as well get Joel a present lol. (I was always gonna get Loki a present anyways.) All together I spent around 20$ on each person coincidentally (well Loki was a little more but only maybe 2$-5$ more. So if your reading this Loki, don't feel cheap! XP It's not that much.) I haven't gotten any presents to my friends yet except Loki's since I don't know where Kim or Alec live and I forgot to give Joel his when he came over last so I'll remember when I go over to Joe's house and I'll give Kim and Alec their presents when I go back to school on the 2nd. Speaking of school, I have a paper on cystic fibrosis I have to write that I haven't started at all x.x it's like the religion project all over again...Well at least this one isn't a huge chunk of my grade although it is worth a bit. Plus it's only an essay so I'll get that done in like an hour or two. Cystic fibrosis is this genetic disease where your lungs get filled with mucus and it becomes difficult to breath. It's something your born with since it's on a certain gene and the natural mucus that protects your lungs can't be processed correctly and your body creates lots of salt, so it's often tested by getting a sample of sweat. They also say that your skin tastes salty O.o but I really don't know how they first found that out...And speaking of odd facts they say that men are often sterile because of the disease which is also weird...And on to more weird things! (wow, thats like 4 segways in a row! I am goooooood!) Loki and I had THE most open, awkward, and serious (some parts not so serious though XD poor kitties...) conversation I have ever had in my life. And I just feel great ^^ I mean, it's amazing how open and trusting we were to each other and we were able to share things that none of us has ever told anyone, and although I was shaking but after some breathing exercises I learned in kung fu I was fine and didn't end up having a heart attack. It was kind of like sprinting, at first it was hard but it soon got ALOT easier and afterwards I felt euphoric ^^ (euphoric= really really good incase you didn't know lol I wasn't high on E O.o) It was good we could finally talk about what has been on our minds. I knew Loki was thinking about it and she knew that I might be thinking of it, but neither of us could really come out and say it I guess. I'm not going to say what it was just incase someone might accidently stumble across this, but it was something important that sooner or later we had to talk about. As to if we ever "participated" in what we were talking about I guess I had to think about how we would deal with the aftermath...I suppose I couldn't exactly tell my parents, they would in time probably have to except it but the first person I would talk to about it would actually be my sister. Even though at times I do talk about how me and my sister are different we are the same in the way we think of things. She is a deep thinker at heart believe it or not and we are close underneath it all. Most of the time we are in different rooms and when we are within earshot of the other we hardly ever say a word. But when we are in the mood to talk then it's often about things such as life, love, government, world problems, religous ideas, or maybe just movies or whatever we are watching together. In the summers we usually have these types of conversations when we walk to the 76 or to the elementary school to play on the equipment (which are both about a mile or two there and back) But like I was saying, she is still a teenager as well and she understands things the same way I do. Speaking of family (thats 5 segways now I think lol) my grandpa passed away the day after christmas. He was in his 80s and his prostate cancer had spread. I just felt bad that I didn't get to know him all that well, even though last time I saw him. But I felt really guilty but after talking to Loki I felt better ^^ she always helps just being there to talk to and offering her ideas. Giving it some thought I suppose, even though it is my fault I didn't get to know him thats not something to feel horrible about. I can't beat myself up for every little thing I don't do and I should learn from my mistakes and experiences. I will at least try to get to know my family better and I will be sure to not let what happened to him happen to me. Since prostate cancer is possibly hereditary I know what it can do. Both my grandpas had it, but my dad's dad luckily had himself checked before it got bad and although he was weakened by the treatment he still lives today. But yeah I'm done now O.o holy crap...I thought I would just write like maybe 6 sentences XD I write too much...

Homework, broken toes, cowboy hats, deep thoughts, pants, and Ska!

Yeah I haven't really written anything for a while, too much school x.x I got a HUGE project for world history on the five main religions Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, and Judaism. It's worth more than half my grade. If I may quote Mr. Neimi "If you skip this project you will be guaranteed to fail." And I haven't started it yet soooo....I need to get my ass on gear. I haven't been as creative as I was in the summer or even last year during school. This year I've just been struggling more and more pressure and at the same time I happen to be more lazy. But aside from school everything has been fine. At kung fu I screwed up my toes though. One day I sprained my left big toe and then a day later I popped my right big toe, then a week later when the right when felt better I kicked the floor at kung fu and hurt my right one again! Gaaaa...It's annoying. Lets see...I opened a My Space account and kinda gotten into it lately I suppose. Oh, and interesting enough I promised that I would be Loki's puppy on a leash for a day so that she wouldn't feel bad about me using the picture of us standing together. She was originally gonna have me wear a cowboy hat and there was no way in hell I was going to wear a cowboy hat if I could help it and I didn't want to take down the picture, so I offered to be her puppy instead and she pounced on the idea. But ya know, I'm not complaining =P it might be kinda fun actually and it's alot better than a cowboy hat...but of course pretty much anything is in my book. There's something I find funny that my friend Brittany does sometimes. She asks how Loki and I are doing and well everytime I say "It's going good." because well, we've never had any major problems or fights when I think about it. And I suppose that kinda got me to thinking "Why do we never fight or get mad at each other?" I can't really explain that all that well...We just understand each other I guess. Maybe thats what love is, just knownig each other and loving every aspect of one another. But I'm trying not to elaborate on such things in those post. But if anyone wants proof to how much I love Loki (and well I don't really know if this is making me any more less of a guy...) but...I bought and wore a pair of jeans x.x and if you knew me you would know how big that really is for me. I have never one jeans a day in my life. (well, now I have, but still just one day so far) From preschool - 5th grade I wore nothing but sweatpants and then from 6th grade to now (which is 10th grade) I have worn nothing but cargo pants. But of course I'm not gonna make jeans a 24/7 thing (because I can't stand to sleep in them) but I'll wear them every now and again if I feel like it. (Actually one time I planned on trying to wear nothing but pj pants untill college but my dad soon put a stop to that plan when he went on about pride for some reason and threatend to ground me if I wore them to school ever again) But ya know =P as long as Loki keeps her end of the deal up I'm at least sorta fine about it. I also got some boxer briefs because i needed more underwear and wanted to try sumn other than breifs (and they are fairly comfortable actually, but enough but my clothes. This is waaaaaaaaaaaaay too much info) Anyways, shifting subjects, I have really been getting into this type of music called Ska lately. I did some research on it to really find out what it was and this is what I came up with. Ska is pretty much a form of reggae that has evolved and added different aspects of diffrent styles into it. The drums have a sort of swing feel to them, the guitars accent on the offbeats, drums accent on the 2nd and 4th beats, and the types of instuments in the average ska band are trombones, trumpets, saxophones, and (in 3rd wave Ska) electric guitars. There are three types of Ska: classic, two tone, and 3rd wave. Ska is said to have influenced punk rock and actually a few punk rock bands incorparte it directly into their music. It is said that Ska is basically the polar opposite of emo and is always happy and bright, but from my experience (which isn't much) I would agree that music wise it does seem pretty peppy but the subject matter of the lyrics aren't exactly all that happy sometimes. (except for the Aquabats, their all about strange offbeat things like "Pizza Day" or "Super Rad") But ummm...yeah I have too much free time I should rather spend on my project. A while ago I have started on a short story that may turn into a running series called "Piehead and Poser" but I haven't finished yet and so far it seems kinda choppy...I need to work on my transitions, I'm getting kinda rusty. But well anyways, till next time kiddies! (sorry if there are any typos, I'm trying to type this without my contacts in cause they have been burning my eyes today)

this is....DA STICK!

Same ol' and nobody really cares probably.

Yeah I know absolutely nobody reads this stuff unless I twist their arm, but I'm gonna write anyways. Loki's birthday is coming up soon and I've been working on my present although I know for sure whatever her is its going to blow mine out of the water and make me feel guilty because she says shes been working on hers for weeks. I just feel bad cause mine is just lousy and its more sentimental but I've done better stuff for her. I suppose this can be her pay back for the locket I bought her. I don't think she knows how much it costs luckily or else she would probably hurt me...maybe, I'm not quite sure but I'm not gonna take any chances (and for any random people that might want to read this for some weird reason, she hates it when I buy her stuff and the more expensive the more she hates it but she still likes the item.) I'm going start planning out my christmas present now so that it can be really good. Ugh, it's hard for me to write lately. I just haven't had as much insperation since school started because I'm too tied up in school work rather than sitting around thinking and talking to myself. Plus I haven't been able to talk to Loki as much so I just feel...bad. Like I was woken up too early and I'm all cranky and a hint of depression. I'm going to call her tommorow though because it's drives me nuts when we don't talk. It feels like the last year and 2 months have just never happened when I don't talk to her. I want to have a meaning full conversation but I'm just no good at talking on the phone. I can chat on yahoo because I'm a god writer and you can think before you send your IM and in person I can actually do facial expressions and do stuff but on the phone it's like standing there talking, not moving your body or face an inch and talking, just awkward...But as she keeps saying she will teach me to talk on the phone. I just hate long distance, especially time zones. It always screws me up because I have to plan 3 hours ahead and she can only be on till about 6 and I get home at 3 so thats only about maybe 3 at max but usually theres dinner and other distractions so it's only like maybe 2 - 1.5 hours compared to our 6 hour conversations back in the summer. There's still weekends and fridays I suppose when she can stay up longer but still, it's annoying. But I have had harder times to deal through, new years eve for example which I would rather not talk about or remember having to wait and think about what she had to go through...At least after that things changed although I stil dispise that damn tarter sauce. I would love to beat the shit out of him but I can't because the Kajukenbo pledge and how it would be dishonorable and if I did it while at home and my parents found out, I would get kicked out. Modesty, Courtesy, Integrity, Courage, and Perseverance, those are the ideals. And well, that kinda goes against 3 out of the 5 if I cracked his skull open with a baseball bat. It sure as hell would feel good but I have to resist. Plus it wouldn't exactly give her mom a good impression of me. But of course a swift kick to the balls is probably ok....But anyways, back to Loki! ^^ I gave her a new name! n.n Azure. It's such a pretty name and it's about blue and I love the color blue and her eyes are blue and I love her eyes so she is Azure! I get so lost in her eyes...it's one of the things I absolutely love about her. I find myself sometimes staring at her eyes in her pictures (and there aren't all that many with her face really) because they are just so beautiful. I don't know, is it normal to love your girlfriends eyes? Cause all I hear my cousin talk about (my only friend who actually has a girlfriend) is her ass. I suppose I'm just sappy and romantic, oh well. I still love them. Although the name she gave me was kind of weird....Beagle Butter Bean X.x because my eyes look like puppy dogs eyes. It's kinda funny, we both get lost in each others eyes. I'm just waiting to see if we end up staring at each other for hours and get hypnotized or something. But yeah weird idea...I suppose I feel a little better than when I started writing these random ramblings running from my rusted brain (<--- alliteration! I really been hooked on alliteration ever since I read this one part of my book I'm reading (Odd Thomas by something (I forget his first name) Koontz) where Odd says "A flipped fork flicked my forehead") Anyways, Lemming out.

DUI

Yeah it's been a long while since I've written anything and posted it up, all the school and stuff. As the theme has been lately, this is'nt completely finished and is only half way through. I haven't done my usual obsessive revising in the last couple paragraphs but I still would want some feed back and such if anyone would like to comment on it and tell me what they think I should work on or fix in it. This is quite a bit darker than most of the things that I have written but sometimes you gotta let whats in your mind come out whether it be good or bad or stupid or intelligent....but thats another treatise. On to the story!


The white noise of the road always seemed to calm Ned for some odd reason. The smell of alcohol invaded his soggy nostrils as he brushed away the moister on his cheek, the dotted yellow line blurred from his speed as he drove down a lesser known country road. With a bit of effort and the coordination of a boneless man he clicked on the radio, not so he could listen to the music so much as just creating familiarity. It was one of his rituals to help cool down after getting into a emotional situation that seemed to send his world spinning and this was his way of grabbing hold to reality and trying to focus, to drive in his faithful old station wagon for hours on end to no place in particular. His car unbeknownst to him, lazily weaved from side to side down the road, causing the piles of leftover trash from countless meals at McDonalds to sway from side to side on top of the dashboard. The usual monstrous creaking of the ancient station wagon began to pick up a rhythm as pebbles chipped away at the door whenever the car veered too far over, running through the gravel on the side of the road. Anger and depression danced within his mind and toyed with his rational thinking, it’s strange how things on opposite sides of the emotional spectrum tend to merge together when tensions run high. “Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten so upset so quickly….” he said to himself with a bit of a drunken slur, looking back to the argument.


“Why are you jumping to such ridiculous conclusions! He was an old friend and nothing more! Can you not understand that….” Christine yelled, grasping her frizzed out and tangled blonde hair in frustration, tears welling up in her eyes. She paced about the living room that lay in shambles, which seemed to be the usual atmosphere that they lived in both physically and mentally. Everything falling apart yet holding on by a few strings. Christine and Ned had been together for years of mixed emotions. There were times when their love brought them happiness in their chaotic lives, but in the end their love was forgotten whenever another utility bill slipped into the mail box or when a pink slip was issued instead of a pay check to pay for the groceries. To a spectator it must seem like a miracle that they even felt anything towards each other but as they say, everyone has their reasons.


“Sure! And ol’ friends’ just like to spontaneously suck each others faces off in broken down diners!? Yeah, really buddy buddy with him aren’t you!? What do you do with your best friends!? Have sex in an alley!?” Ned was either on the bridge of tears or of smacking her upside the head and spinning it a full 360 degrees. Lights sprung on from the neighbors mobile home next door, shining through the cheap thin plastic that adorn their window frame as a cost effective alternative glass. In their house glass had a tendency to shatter when a lamp, chair, or antique Eskimo was thrown at it. “Ned, I would never do such a thing! You are taking things way out of perspective! You need to come down…“ she said as she tried to wall across the cold concrete floor to take the bottle of beer out his hand. Even though hindered by alcohol, he could see her intentions and awkwardly shoved her into the couch with one hand. “How could you even think of such a thing…” she broke out in tears and sobbed on the couch and Ned stomped into the kitchen although grazing his shoulder on the wall and sending him self stumbling forward to land face first on the rotten wood floor. If only Ned could have understood what life was like for her. Christine had numerous bruises and crisscrosses of scars from their past fights. What love they had once had was destroyed, yet she refused to leave his life and always tried to make things work out. Christine had heard a saying once, “What you know the best you observe the least”, which seemed to be true in life from her past experiences.


They had known each other for years and had been good friends before Ned finally mustered up the courage to ask her out. Things had gone a little fast but she enjoyed it all. Christine had thought she knew everything about the sweet charming man with eyes of brown so dark that they seemed to be endless wells. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul, but the man she knew was just one side of him. Ned had a drinking problem but she simply shrugged it off, considering it just a little quark of his personality that she could get use to and deal with, but things soon got out of hand. At night he would often sneak out of the house and drink with his friends and in the morning he would wake up with a hangover that seemed to last for days. Soon, Christine learned that his brown eyes of such depth were not the window to a endless well of opportunity, but the window to an endless well of shit.


“You know that I would never dream of being unfaithful to you…” she said, tenderly rubbing her plump belly. “For the sake of our child, it needs you and I.” Christine had been pregnant for nearly 6 months with their child. It was what kept her hanging onto him, knowing that a single mother could not hold a job and that maybe a child would change Ned for the better. A life was growing within her and she wanted to give it every possible opportunity even if it meant living with a drunken ogre. Ned stood silent for a moment as the stench of alcohol blew through the air and his glazed over eyes squinted in anger. Christine reached out to hold his hand but slowly, he turned before making his way calmly through the plastic screen door outside to leave her alone with slam of the car door and the roar of the engine. Screeching out of the driveway, hitting a rock on the side leaving a scratch at least three feet long which he would rather worry about later.


The years seemed to blur together, all the fighting, drinking, yelling, and screaming was all he could remember. They never did anything special even on holidays and neither of them had take a vacation from work since they had found out their son was on the way. “She doesn’t love me, she only wants me to be a father to her kid. That’s the only reason we have not fallen apart like we should have years ago, because of that soon to be little brat.” It was a pitch dark moonless night down that road with not a headlight to be seen for miles. Ned had been down this road soo many times that he could have drove it in his sleep. “Fucking bitch…” he swore under his breath before taking another swig from his flask.


Suddenly out of the blue, a brand new sports car appeared in his rearview mirror honking its horn and blasting the radio loud enough to cause vibrations in Ned’s seat. “God damn kids!” he said as he pulled the window down. The handle for the window had broken off last week so he had to pry it down with his hand to stick his arm out and wave the person on. The Ferrari caught up and the driver rolled down his passenger window “Hey drunkey! Get the fuck off the road! Your gonna kill someone!” The driver seemed hardly 18 years old. Ned never really liked teens and he was already pissed off as it was. He looked the teen in the eye and yelled “Shut the hell up! I’ll do whatever I god damn you please you mother fucking bast!….” before he could finish cussing the man out he suddenly turned to the left, out of shouting distance and down a different road.


“Yeah that’s what I thought…” Rubbing his eyes and blinking a couple times, the world went into total darkness and a silence that rang in his ears. It seemed like he was floating in outer space yet all of the infinite suns of the universe had blown out, leaving a eternal darkness. Feeling a sense of weightlessness and freedom, he was slammed back into reality as what felt like a bull ramming head first at full steam into his chest. Blurred outlines of trees and terrified squirrels multiplied within his eyesight as the sickening crunch of metal and whiplash brought him to the reality of his situation settled in. Smoke billowed out from under the hood of the rusted station wagon that was now fused to the tree after the impact. Opening the door and staggering from the twisted heap of metal, clothes reeking of rum as he dripped with the contents of his now crumpled flask that lay underneath the heap.

To be continued...

Dark Side

Everyone has a side of them that they don't really like to display to the world or are afraid that it may take over. Just like my saying goes, you can't judge a book by its cover and you can't judge an author by their book. Everyone has something they want to hide, whether it be a memory that isn't really pleasurable, a secret that would destroy relationships, or just something that they like that others would not have guessed and it's hard for them to admit it. (*cough* I know one person knows what I mean ^^;;;;) I guess for me it's two parts of me that I don't admit to having very easily. One is my more violent and angry side. Few people have seen me mad, not just annoyed or upset, but punching the wall and yelling my head off kind of mad. I don't like to show it because I guess I'm kind of a control freak. When I get mad I do things that could have negative effects and once I come to grips with what I just did, I get depressed or sad. There are people that I would just like to strangle the life from with my bare hands but I know that violence doesn't solve anything, but sometimes I don't really give a damn. I have soo much anger stored up inside me sometimes that it becomes really hard to calm down. The other side that I don't like to show is.....well I guess you could call it hormones. I just.....well it's hard for me to just let it out because I don't want it to take control because all my life I thought that people that let their hormones control their brains were complete morons...but I guess it's who I am so why should I hide it? At times I think of just letting it out but I have never shown anyone much of that side so I don't know when exactly would be an appropriate time. It's nothing horribly bad, it's not like I want to go around grabbing random girls butts or anything, I guess it's just kind of a side of me thats a perv. ALthough it's not as bad as some people that I know like a person who calls himself a vagina with legs. *sigh* CURSE YOU TEENAGE HORMONES! >< People who have known me for a while know that I hate pervs and would hardly expect that....one thing that I have only told a couple people.....Maybe I'm just over reacting. I mean, it's not that big of deal I guess....

Thinkin...

Isn't it strange how soo many suffer yet sitting right beside them may be someone with the biggest grin of happiness on their face? I have not had to endure the pain that so many have. I feel stupid when I complain that I cannot see Loki only once a year while others have loved ones that go to war and they know that they may never come back. Soo many have gone through times in their life where everything seemed so hopeless that they actually consider taking their own life to make it all end. I am not poor, my parents are still together and both alive, I don't have drug problems, I am not struggling with a terminal disease, I have it good but I feel guilty. I'm sitting infront of a computer, beside a big screen T.V., eating chips, I am one lucky bastard yet there are others suffering. I feel sorry for them and want to help them but I am not exactly one to say "Oh, I'm so sorry, thats unfortunate." Imagine sitting in a waiting room and all the other people around you have terminal diseases. I try to offer advice and give a positive outlook but what do I know, never having been through anything even remotely like what they are going through? But the thing is, something bad has to happen sometime, nobody lives a spotless life all happy and smiling. But maybe it's all just karma? I have never done anything to hurt others intentionally really, sometimes I do of course but alot of times I try to ignore my urges. Maybe all that happens in life is karma or maybe it's all chance? I guess I should feel lucky....I guess I'm kinda like the average Joe that walks down the street and sees a bum trying to live another day and feels sorry for him so he gives him some change. But of course that brings back the idea of karma, maybe they deserve what they have become or maybe it's all just bad luck? But whatever it would be, I would still help them. Maybe my luck can rub off on others or theirs just might rub off on me. I don't know really, just thinking out loud is all...

Come and gone....

Finally....after 10 months of waiting it finally happens. Loki finally came and it was the best day of my life. After she called to try and get some directions I immediately went outside and waited in the grass at the top of the drive way for maybe an hour (or half hour....I don't know, I was just kinda lost in time) I sat in the shade as the hot sun beat down as I waited. I tried to keep my mind off being nervous and picked at the grass I was sitting on but I just couldn't help but wait anxiously, nearly having a heart attack whenever a car passed by. Finally her dad pulled into the driveway and I jogged along side to help them out. I shook her dads hand and she got out of the car and my foot would not stopping shaking, it was like I was like my leg was hypothermic. We just sort of awkwardly stood there for a couple seconds before I jumped at her and hugged her, almost pulling us both to the ground. I just couldn't belive it...I did what I had wanted to do for soo long and I have never been happier. I gave her the locket I had gotten for her and she gave me a dragon necklace. We both kind of had trouble getting them on so we helped each other. I looked at her and looked at the necklace and made a promise to myself I would never take it off, so that in someway I could always remember what it felt like to be able to hug her after all that time. Walking into the house we made the introductions and then and I showed her my room with all my dragons and stuff and gave her one of the paper hats I had made. And then I hugged her again, I don't remember how many times I hugged her but I know it was alot. We decided to go to the mall and hang out for a bit before going to see the movie. My mom gave us a ride and once at the mall we all decided a meeting time and then they let go but not before sticking Fuzzhead with us. He wasn't as bad as I thought he would be luckily, but was a bit annoying at times. We walked around and looked at diffrent stores, bought some candy and Mountain Dew and stuff. We met back up with my mom, Karis, and Daniel and they let us walk to the movies to have a lil alone time (although Fuzzhead was still stuck with us.) We bought the tickets (although Loki didn't want me to buy hers but her dad wouldn't give her money so she was kinda forced to) and waited as Karis and Daniel to get food. We decided to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory together, the theater was a little more crowded then I usually like it but I didn't care, Loki was with me and thats all that mattered ^^. We sat close to the front row and sat close together. She layed her head on my shoulder through most of the movie and I put my head on top of hers, her hair smelled nice. After a while I slowly tryed to scoot my hand over to hers but I was sort of scared. I just kept looking at her hand and couldn't decide really...but soon I just reached out and held her hand and she held mine as well. It was the first time I had ever been on a date and the first time I held anothers hand...I admit, I started thinking about never being able to see her again and I almost began to cry but I decided to cherish the moment and try to distract myself from such thoughts by watching the movie. At one point I tryed to open my Mountain Dew with one hand by using my mouth but it fizzed and I quickly shoved it in my mouth. I got some on my shirt and she said "Here, you can have your hand back." I guess on your first date something has to go wrong...The movie was great but belive it or not, the oompa loompas weren't my favorite part and I'm not going to say what was incase I start to sound like a broken record. Once out of the movie, Daniel decided to let us have some alone alone time without Fuzzhead and let us walk to the bowling alley/arcade together. We did have some time alone but soon her dad drove over and got us part way there because he didn't know how to get out of the parking lot apparently. I hate giving directions....At the highlander, Daniel and Karis left us and Fuzzhead to go bowling while they went over and had dinner at the Azteca restruant. I didn't really pay attention to the scores, I just had fun. We joked and around and talked while we bowled and then I went to the animal machine because my dad has gotten me addicted to them and after a couple trys I won a bear with fairy wings. It was kind of cheesy and I know that if someone else had tryed to give it to her she probably wouldn't take it. We then went over to the arcade part of the highlander and played some games. Loki and I played some airhockey, we sent the puck flying sometimes, Fuzzhead and I did some boat racing game but I got stuck with the hardest boat and on the hardest level so I just gave up and ran into walls, tryed to play dance dance revolution a couple times but it wasn't pretty....We ran out of quarters pretty quick so we just walked around a bit. At one point I was getting kind of sappy and asked for a kiss...I was just so nevrous I can't put it in words...I never kissed before and I didn't really know what to do or say....The first one was just sort of a peck but the second one was a good one. I don't think I'm a good kisser though....I just did it, and it was...well if you've had your first kiss, you would know. Finally....Daniel came in and told us she had to go and he would give us some time alone. We walked around holding each other, not going anywhere just walking and talking a bit. I gave her hugs and we held hands...she gave me a stand 53K braclet a while ago and I did the same as I had with the necklace, I would always remember holding her hand and will always wear it...plus im against smoking lol. I finally decided to say soemthing sappy and for once just said it instead of arguing with myself over it. I told her "I wish I could say this in person, so I'll do it now. One hundred times good morning...one hundred times good night...one million times I love you..." I sort of mumbled a bit but I hope she heard it...We walked outside together and the parents said their goodbyes. They gave us a little more time alone. We kissed one more time...her dad was about 30 feet away in the car atching but I didn't care...I love her and I wanted to do what I had wanted to do for so long but never could...to do what I always dreamed but never thought was possible...I kissed her and I wished that time would stop and the moment would go on forever...but as soon as we parted lips...I knew I would have to wait for a long time, for another moment like that...and it replays in my mind constantly....I told her goodbye and that I love her and we went our seperate ways to our cars. I rolled down my window and shouted one more time "I love you!" as I watched her go into the car and we drove off. I didn't talk much after that...my mom tryed to start a conversation but I didn't respond. I cryed and sniffled...and I can't help but do the same now, looking back at that day...I love you Loki, with all my heart...and I cannot wait till the day that we can see each other again...I had waited at least 10 months for a pitiful 8 hours...but I would wait years just for a minute...

TO.othpaste! Bears, Pinecones, and Ebay, Oh My!

Little Jhonnys adventures had been amazing, great, perilous, exciting, chicken filled, and covered in that one egg condimet thing otherwise known as mayo, but he had never faced such a threat as camping in the wild deep wilderness of the outdoors without a flap jack in sight to comnfort him as the bald eagles pelted him with comic books about cellphone related deaths. Setting up the tent that just happed to be made of freeze dried paper bits that were that of those made of a donkey that happened to have alot of pizazz and/or pizzas, which other one is pink on the outside and holds many types of colored reptiles that once relased shall devour all that man has created but what this has to do with camping, noone will ever know....so back to the streakers and the birds and the bees and such that you can find in our fair american wildrness. The oompa loompas were ripe on the vine that fair winter morrow and ready for the lickings by the chocolate covered pinecones (the pinecones really never knew how much pi they could consume so they often stuck their feet up each other ass and danced merrily) and then...well what do you expect them to do? Bear birth to the candy cane king of woopty fricking doo poo skidoo!? THEY ALL ATE EACH OTHERS HAIR AND THEN PEED ON THE SUPERMAN! God you stupid bluetards! (<--- inside joke. if you laughed your a fricking.....bluetard on cheese. and not just any cheese! electronica with a side of dog hair kind of electronica spent with the days of our lives kids and then stuck in a mental institution with the all seeing, all knowing, pancake man!) So.....back to lil Jhonny....he went camping and soon died of a sexually transmitted disease because he ate a pine cone that was covered in a strange sauce...kind of like that actor from space ghost coast to coast....except without the diaper...and the razor sharp jello mold stuck on his head...he suuuuuuuure did like his apples...and lampshades that had a strange foot fungus....but good thing ebay keeps those sorta things in sticl when you really need a cheap laugh at the golden globe awards when Micheal Jackson/Jordan gets stabbed in the face with a quarter inch booger covered in lactic acid! But then again...this has nothing to do with camping so lil Jhonny just killed every living thing within a 93759823702378598237 mile radius, including Tanya Heartfelt Gesture And Then Stab In The Back By Gonads Man-ba-dingo. And then the man-ba-dingo laughed with glee as he slept within the insides of a beehive covered in Steven Kings underwear.

humor within the heart attack

Burger Kind really is crazy with the "have it your way" slogan. They're all about you having the freedom of having your food any way you want but where do they draw the line? I mean they say "have it your way" as in anyway you want yet they don't have beer, cookies, chocolate bars, deepfried boots, purple mustard, duck, lemon pie, those toothpicks with the little colorful plastic on the end, good old american escargo, or any of the other numerous things that are good on a burger other than lettuce, pickles, ketchup and whatnot! I mean if they wanted it to let us have it OUR way, the least they could do is have more of a choice than burger, chicken, and potatoes. But their ideas have spawed a couple good laughs in their advertising and such. On the back of my french fry box (I suggest they create a new box for frys though cause alot them spill to the bottom of the bag when getting home ><) it says "You have the right to dip these fries in ketchup or mustard or a vanilla shake if thats what turns you on. You have the right to stuff them in your sandwhich or stack them like the boyhood home of Abraham Lincoln. You have the right to have these fries you way, even if that means eating them like a normal human being!" (one more thing. LOKI IS COMING TOMMOROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does a lil dance*)

Something New

It's a song...I guess. It's just something I was thinking and decided to write down and I guess it became a song. It sucks but oh well.

Doesn’t it suck that everything you do
Has already been created
Copied, and reproduced
A million times over
By millions of others

Every thought
Already been thought
Every action taken out
Already worn out
All this you feel is new
Is old and used

You try to be diffrent
But end up being the same
You feel like creating something
Something that actually mattered

You change your clothes
How you look
How you act
Trying to gain attention
So you can show others
That you are diffrent

Every thought
Already been thought
Every action taken out
Already worn out
All this you feel is new
Is old and used

You think your diffrent
Something special
But your nothing
Nothing but a voice in the crowd
So be the loudest of them all!
Shout for all that you have
Show them that

Every thought has not been thought
Every action
Not yet worn out
Not everything that you feel
Has been felt before

Be what you are
And shout it loud!
Yourself is diffrent enough
Don’t try to be diffrent
By being diffrent
Be yourself and be it loud!

Cali-for-nia-ay

This is a short story I've been working on that I based on one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. I felt that in a way, I could relate to this song and that's what inspired me to make a story out of it.(If you want to guess the song, heres a tip: I used word-for-wrd versus from the song in it and hint if you want to guess the band, think of soccer.)

I unlocked the door to my house and walked in as the creaking hinges echoed throughout the emptiness. I stood there for a minute thinking “What was I looking for? I found myself along in the darkness, as I always seemed to be nowadays. Walking into the living room and flipped on the TV to the to the news as I glanced over to a picture of my best friend in the world, Nicole. The picture was of us on a bench in a lush green park, our hands lying beside each other but not touching. Walking into the kitchen I could remember her voice “What’s on your mind?” Maybe it was my loneliness that made the memories of her come rushing back as I stood in front of the sink with my head bowed. Feeling a tear well up in my eye, I stopped myself remembering Nicole’s voice again saying “You’ll be alright.” but I just forced myself to shake it out of my mind by being distracted by listening to the TV announcing the 5 day forecast. “Another sunny day in Cali-for-nia-ay” the weatherman said trying to be cute with his signature saying. “Yeah and I’m sure back him they’d love to see it.” I said with a sigh turning off the TV again and opening the front door and looking over my shoulder to see the dump of a place I lived in the last couple years. The chairs were torn up, most likely why I found them in an alley, the carpet reeked and had a strange urine stain from the previous owner, along with fading floral wallpaper that began to peel off the wall. “Two long years and I’m still empty handed I’m afraid.” with another deep sigh I opened the door and walking into the over powering sunlight of the average California afternoon repeating the weatherman’s line. “Looks like another sunny day in Cali-for-nia-ay.” I walked along the cracked and worn sidewalk leading to the beach. I always liked taking the long way because it gave me time to think and if I timed it just right I could see the setting sun on the horizon. “Back home I always thought I wanted so much more.” I said kicking a can along as I walked. “Now I’m not to sure…” I said as I kicked the can with all my might, hitting a raggedy old poodle laying on a porch. “If only my parents hadn’t kicked me out of the house and forced me to live here.” The place my parents suggested me to live was a hell hole in the hottest city in practically the entire nation. The ad has said it was a clost community with many friendly people. But if you read between the lines, you could tell it was a cramped ghetto/slim where everyone owned a gun and it was not uncommon to hear one go off in the night. The big city wasn’t much better though. There are two types of people in the city, those who live their lifes of fear of falling out of line and those who tear lives apart and break lots of hearts just to pass the time. It made me sick just thinking about them. Balling my hand into a fist I could feel my anger rising. If only they could actually make use of their lives instead of finding pleasure in others pain or nothing but material possessions. What if someone took a baseball bat to their precious car? “Well….let’s just find out shall we?” I said finally allowing myself to unleash my rage. Picking up a good ten pound rock I brought it down on the windshield of brand new red convertible. But I did not stop there. I dropped it again and again on the hood and dragged it across the doors, and finally slamming it down upon the spot less red trunk. I slowly walked away, spitting on the hood as I passed by. I felt as if my eyes got red in the back of my head. I just couldn’t stop myself and did not care what happened. This place can make you blind and for once I allowed it to. Calming down, I put it all behind me and got to the edge of the beach. Slowly I walked out onto the sand, kicking off my tennis shoes so that I could feel the now cool sand between my toes. The sun had already set and all that was left was the tip of the red giant as the moon took its place in the sky, waiting for the sun to dissapear so that it could do its job. The lifeless smile of the moon made me wish even more that it would rain to wash the west coast dreaming from my eyes. All that I had been through, all the days that I had spent were nothing but a waste. The seagulls parted like the red sea as I got to the edge of the beach where the water met the dampened sand and foam. “They just don’t know that what you love is ripped away…before you get a chance to feel it.” I said to myself, the waves drowning out my voice as they crashed upon each other, spraying me with a cold salty mist. Only thoughts of Nicole ran through my head, so many chances missed, so many memories untouched as I had lived the last couple years in my hole, devoting all my time to try and make a decent living. ‘We could have married….we could have had kids….we could have spent ever waking moment together but I was to big of a dumbfuck to notice what was right in front of me for years.’ It’s strange how only when you look back do you notice things. All the subtle hints that she had placed and all her attempts at getting them alone, but he was so focused on the ‘important things’ in his life like worrying about his job, that he simply brushed her off. Sitting down in the moist sand I let the hours fly by as the sky above lit up with stars and the ocean froze my toes as the tide came in. Seagulls came over every now and then to inspect me but they weren’t interested and left me alone. The crashing ocean created a white noise which I concentrated on to try and keep out such depressing thoughts of the days that could have been. The sky darkened as the moon hid behind a dark cloud and the powerful shower of rain fell upon the city and all its inhabitants. Water leaked into the cracked windshield of the smashed up car, the rusty gutters of my home overflowed from being clogged by a dead bird, ferocious dogs became whimpering puppies hiding from the rain as I sat, allowing the rain to cascade over me. “It’s another starry night….in Cali-for-nia-ay.” I smiled, my tears camouflaged by the rain.

just venting.....

WHY! GOD DAMN IT! WHY! Just because I say Loki's dad is an asshole, he doesn't want her to come to Longview! I can admit that he may have his reasons for what he does and I can see that but why does but does he really have the right to take away my chances of seeing her!? I have been waiting a year, patiently waiting and hoping that the day that I can finally see her to come, but when I'm mere days away I have to fucking screw it up! One stupid slip up, one time that I didn't think to imagine that somehow he would have some how found out what I said, and then THIS happens! Karis still like me I guess although she seemed pretty mad when she found out I had called him an asshole, but is that even enough? I don't want anyone to be mad at me, yet I screw up. This time it was actually in my control whether I could see her or not, and I mess up! The other time when I was so anxious for her to come when she went to a friends party but she couldn't come. But this time it was going to happen untill I said 'asshole'. Am I ever going to see her within the next millenium!? I want to talk to him somehow but Loki doesn't want me to, so I don't. But one day I hope he finds this message, somehow in someway. I WANT TO SEE HER AND IF I WOULD DIE IF I COULD SEE HER FOR 1 MINUTE! But no >.> he can't believe a word I say for an instant because he's so over protective and cannot believe that there is actually an honest, nice, and caring teenage boy in the entire WORLD! I have never lied to Loki in the entire time I have known her, I have never done anything to intentionally hurt her in anyway, I have done nothing but want to hold her for once instead of just imagining it! If I ran into him at this very moment I would not know what to do, beg on my hands and knees for him to let me see her or punch him. But as far as I know, all I can do is sit here, wait, and hope with all my heart that I can finally see her sooner or later, just as I have done for so long...

TO.othpaste! The story of Jhonny Dangerfield

I was hyper for some reason after brushing my teeth (BRUSHING! I did NOT, I swear, did NOT eat the toothpaste even though that sounds like something I would do and what you are about to read may have you think otherwise) and decided to just be myself and write down whatever the hell popped into my head! ENJOY OR FEAR THE FATE OF 23 SKIDOO! O.o

So little billy be brushing his teeth when 'WAM!' a little old mexican man comes in with a roll of quaters and says "Lets go get some rabbits and sell them to sharks!" so little billy and the old man, who soon reveals that he is indeed Jhonny Dangerfield. THey being walking down the street and soon run into Willis from that one show where the midget man is always like "WHAT YOU TALKING BOUT WILLIS!?" who also turns out to be the man who controls the rats AND a monkey...."But Willis my main slap jack, how come your a monkey?" "Well" says the monkey with utmost wisdom "I'm off to the pillow factory to go kill some old people! Because ya know, the most deadly weapon known to old people is a pillow." "You can go ahead and do that pancake mcjack." said the old man as he and billy continued to walk towards the video game arcade. "SO! If only they could somehow make something that allows you to read a book and play a massively violent game at the same time, then einstein would come back to life as a brain sucking mutant in an iron clad groin cup! Because they always say that the loins of a walrus can end up on the greener side of an iceberg." "Yes little billy....but you desperately need to go take you medication before your foot explodes and the evil brittany spears mutants fly from the portal of hell that you have just produced!" Said the old man as he smacked a dance dance revolution mat with a halibut in attempts to beat the game at its own game. But soon they were kicked out by the dumbass geek of a star treck/wars (and they are both actually the same thing, its just a huge conspiracy to cover up that coke and pepsi are also the same company and that mountain dew is actually owned by the billy goats gruff) Deciding that they should go make some peanut butter fudge they went ahead and created a time machine to go back to the time of the pharoas and ask them "What kind of peanut is in the shape of a beetle that is also the name of the hit popular tv show "If only I had a rusty shovel."? But of course the mummy from The Mummy soon destroyed them and took off their feet to make lampshades and lived happliy ever after as he used said lamps to read his captain underpants books.

Just another poem

This is a poem I decided to write just cause I felt like it =P not all that great but I wanted to try out this new rhyming dictionary thing. http://www.rhymezone.com/

your walking down the street
you run into someone you know from a track meet
they called you a slug
looking all so smug
as their friends laughed along
making them fell like they belong
they act all chummy chummy
as if their your buddy buddy
as if the their prods and pokes
were just simple harmless jokes
as if your personality
was just a technicality
they “mess around”
as if your the biggest joke in town
but when their alone
they go ahead and change their tone
like everything they ever said to you
was all just untrue
they do it to be cool
playing you as the fool
putting you down
just so they can be clown

Llamaman!

Well 4th of July was a let down. My dad lost the launcher to the big fireworks he had bought the pervious year and since we had those my mom only bought one pack of some cheap wal mart fireworks. This year I didn't feel like watching the neighbors, I just felt like there was no real point. I stayed up till after midnight because outside it sounded like a war zone. If I had to estimate how much each of my neighbors spends on fireworks I would guess at least 1,000$ because those things were fucking loud >.< and we had just about 20$ worth of fireworks.

Well something slightly awkward happened while my dad was setting off the fireworks. I was telling my mom for about the millionth time that I was not hitting on 3 sisters at once and then Amanda says "Oh! One time I was talking to Kirstin and she was like 'Guess who I like?' and I said 'who?' and she said 'Your brother! But don't tell him.' " So at this point I'm sitting there slightly confused. A girl.....that I have known for about 6 months but have not talked to till recently...has a crush on ME?....Then my mom says "You should go out with her. Who knows if you'll ever even see Loki." But then here comes my o so loving sister "I told her she would be better off dating a llama. I don't want one of my friends going out with him!" v.v yeah...see why I say that 'brothers annoy their sisters and sisters spread rumors to make sure their brothers never get a date'? I mean I probably won't go out with her because I already like Loki (Plus that would be awkward going out with her for 3 weeks then Loki comes and it's like "Meet the girl I have loved for almost a year and have been counting down the days one by one until I could see her!), but does she really have to say that I am less date-able than a llama!? If I never met Loki I would have gone out with Kirstin in a heartbeat just to spite her for that! (I mean shes cute and nice and all but...still a LLAMA!?) Now back to my moms comment. Loki IS coming and I DO love her. We may not have a normal relationship but I'm willing to put in the energy and time until we can...somehow. Who knows what the future will bring and all I can do is hope for the best. I'm just gonna hold and and see what happens and hopefully someday things will be diffrent...

Merry 4th of July!

The last couple of days the annual 4th of July flea market has been held at Lake Sacajewea (i think thats how you spell it...its the same name as that indian girl Lewis and Clark took with them) and my kung fu academy has a booth down there which people can sign up to volunteer at. I've gone to it a couple times and its actually pretty fun. Everybody just sits back, talks, drinks pop and occasionaly give out flyers. The first day my friend Zac, his girlfriend Kelly (who's also my cousin),my friend Marty, and Sifu were there and nothing much happened. We had the body bags out and people came around to punch them and after a while Zac and Kelly decided to get something to eat (after Kelly tested her blood sugar) and just left Sifu, Marty and I there untill Sifu decided to leave also once they came back. Kelly had a burger and Zac already drank his MD (dang...I wanted to steal some). Kelly kept complaining about how her burger was crappy and then Zac started telling these really gross jokes just to bug Kelly who was like "I'm eating here!". Marty told some of his odd storys about the things he's done and offered to make ninja masks out of an extra shirt. (One time his mom gave him money to get his hair cut but he was hungry and spent it on McDonalds. So too keep his mom from finding out he had his friend shave his head for him) When my shift was over, I decided to stay because my friend Ean (I'm not sure how to spell his name.) had the next shift along with 2 of his sisters. Me and Ean decided to practice some jujitsu on the grass next to the booth when we got bored. The first round we both got each other in the same headlock side by side and I could just barely say "Lets call it a tie." and then the next one I locked him in the most perfect guard I had ever done. Later we did some kicks on the body bags to show some stuff to people and I did #2 form (the form that got me the nickname Eric 'intensity') Then after a while I tried to kick the dummy in the head but I slipped and my ribs hit the hard plstic base. ow >.<>.> your just sitting on their chest. Although....we did get some strange stares from passing by people...) We caught our breath, walked back to the booth and watched Rodney play with his frisbee yo-yo thing. It was a frisbee with stretchy string in the middle and you throw it and try and catch it when it comes back although knowing Rodney, what happened was not a surprise. Now let me tell you about Rodney before I go on. Rodney is of course in Kung Fu with me and has an interesting reputation. Everytime he comes to class he somehow gets hurt in someway whether it be by someone else or himself trying to do one of his strange stunts. Hes almost shattered the mirror, hes been rammed head first into the wall, hes been poked in the eye, hes been sat on, you name it, its happened to him. So of course hes playing with his frisbee thing...and he gets hurt. Hurt soo many times I actually decided to keep score.
he hit himself in:

• the face/head 9 times
• knee 8 times
• spine 2
• stomache 8
• groin 13 (he beat his record!)
• hit 6 people
• and strangled himself 3 times

You think he would learn after the 15 minutes >.> or...hour. Even after he headbutted it and nearly snapped it in half he just taped it and started playing with it again. Our fun died down once Rodeny eventually put away his frisbee yo-yo and we ended up stuffing ice down each others shirts since thats all that was left in the ice box. Not many people came around that day since someone had stolen the body bags during the night. Even though Sifu said "Naw. Nobodys gonna steal em! Their so heavy and theres security." but loe and behold! their gone the next night. Now thats ironic.

Back home (isn't that a song?)

I HAVE RETURNED from the far reaches of the land of hillbillies!! Phew it feels good to be home and it's actually cold here! For the past 2 weeks I was in Arkansas it was in the 90s or higher with at least 80% humidity every day x.x I'm a washingtonian! I can't stand that kind of weather! I'm just glad I can get away from my grandparents tick infested dogs, having to listen to a wipperwill bird all damn night along with the chiggers and grasshoppers, having the fear of going outside because the multitude of bugs, listening to my mom and grandma laugh at their own jokes and make retarded comments, and the smell of my grandparents fridge. It's like they don't even care what they put in there! They just throw everything in there and watch it grow mold. One time I opened the fridge and the bacon was just lying there on the shelf as the juices ran down onto all the other crap in there. And then when I grab a carton of milk it was almost a month old and my grandma says "I use that for cooking." I am so glad she did not bake a cake >.> thats just gross. But enough complaining about my grandparents incubator of mold that they call a fridge, now to complain about the bugs! One day I was taking a shower and I lifted up my arm and saw this black THING wiggling its legs and half imbedded in my skin. It was one of the most retchid thing I have ever seen in my life and I still see it when I close my eyes O.O *shivers* But we did do some fun things. We went to a couple amusment parks, went to see caught in the 70s (Amanda got the hot guys autograph even though we both thought the thing sucked. She was so excited that he got pen on her arm and showed it off constantly) and saw the magnificent 7 in Branson. I wrote a couple things when I found the time and once I finish them up I'll go ahead and post them. I didn't have as much time to write as I thought because I couldn't write when everyone was trying to look over my shoulder and the days we were in a hotel I was so tired after the theme parks I did't feel much like writing afterwards. Well I'm just glad to be home and it's freezing here. My feet feel like ice but thats great because before they were sweaty and smelly! HOORAY FOR RAIN!!!!!!!! n.n I'm just glad to be home. Plus Loki is coming in a couple days which is the fucking most awesome news in my pitiful little life. I CAN"T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *does a lil dance*

Year book signings!

Well, I'm going to Arkanasa tommorow first thing in the morning for a couple weeks. I will return on the 28th of this month and I get out of school early to go! ^.^ We're gonna go visit my grandparents since my grandpa doesn't have much longer to live. ALso, since there's going to be tons of times when there's absolutely nothing to do I'm going to try and get alot of writing that I said I was gonna do done ^.^;; But on to diffrent stuff...I always hate the last day of school because you don't get to see your friends all summer and some of them you don't see ever again because by next year they move or aren't in any of your classes T.T I'm going to miss so many of my friends and it's going to drive me crazy that I can't talk to ANY of my friends for 2 weeks when I go to Arkansas especially Loki (although I'll try my hardest to steal my mom's cell phone >.>) I have to call Ashely because she calls practicualy everyday to go swimming. But on to year book signings!!

+ROCK ON FOREVER! *rocker dude* -Zymometer (Joe)
+Hi eric - Nathan Sherman
+Noresa Wisdom
+Dude Daniel you...! ha ya! I dont know....
+Hey Eric Band has been great this year except for sweck!! oh well you love being entertained the whole year. Keep it up. See You next year ~chase~ *his phone#* p.s. Speedos will never DIE!
+Eric- You are so beautiful! -Laura Mohan (Mo) <---the o is a 16th note
+Melinda Robinson
+Jim Byman Have a good summer!
+Jeremy Ahrens Why do you care?
+Ahoy matey! Avast, ye swab! I got barnacles on me poopdeck! Have a good summer -Turner (aka Possum)
+Dont kill anyone. Have fun ^.^ Molly Plemmons
+Eric- Hope you do band next year your a really good trumpet player -Ryan Hepler
+~Eric~ I was so happy when I found out I had 2 more cousins at M.M. (that weren't jerks!) You are a total sweet heart and hope you like M.M. good luck next year. <3 Kellie Bjorum PS: Normally I'd say hope to see ya durrin the summer but I get to see ya everytime you come to class!
+Eric- Toontown-Floral Mickey-Toontown-Floral Mickey-Hope you had some fun this year and learned a little somethign as well- Iats (aka mr. Swecker, my band teacher)
+-Eric- Hey! It was fun w/ you in band. Your a real character!-Fudgie
+Hey,you were fun this year but your really mean at sparring & you hurt. Well call me if you get bored, Chaela Bowers *her home # and cell #*

I also had a bunch of people draw pictures in the back and I might scan that and put it up as well after I get back.

Your element is Light: Innocent, beautiful,
kind-hearted and pure. You are so sweet your
almost angelic, you find joy in others
happiness and cannot stand to see anyone in
pain. You want to make everyone around you feel
good about themselves and if someone is upset
you can tend to become rather upset as well
which means you are sympathetic and raise
others above yourself. Being as kind and
good-natured as you are people have most likely
hurt you in the past but you pick yourself up
every time. You may look fragile but you are
stronger than most tend to see. Life is
beautiful no matter how you look at it and you
understand that people make mistakes, not
everyone is perfect. You try to see the good in
the bad which is a talent few posses, dont ever
let anyone change you. You truly have a
beautiful soul inside and a heart of gold.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by

The Dangers of Peanut Butter and Strangers: Locker Room the Mini Series

FINALLY! The next installment of the Dangers of Peanut Butter and Strangers series! I'm going to be trying and make a few episodes about the conversations in locker room I have with my friends Daniel (Woodchuck) and Nathan (Prairie dog). I'm not going to guarantee that the conversation is represented word for word 100% but I'll try my best. Hopefully I will be able to create a couple more but I can't promise it. I guarantee that this conversation did take place even though it may not be perfectly represented I have tryed my best to reproduce it. Warning!: Do not attempt any of these stunts at home. We are complete morons and only morons like us may attempts such stunts.

Woodchuck and Lemming where conversing in the swim locker room after a brisk 5th period swim. "I be a swedish pirate yar!" Lemming said in his best swedish accent. "I but a swedish pirate I be while a smokin my weed aye! My weed be my best friend...untill I smokes it then I be getting a new friend! Yee be getting my drift arr!" Woodchuck said trying to mix pirate, swedish, and reggae accents together. The locker room seemed to always be full of the strangest conversations. Maybe it was the atmoshphere knowing you could just act like a guy without any girls over hearing you, maybe it was the great weather they were having that made them energetic, or maybe it was simply overdoses of chlorine from the pool. "Aye but what about the moose!" Lemming said opening his locker which was placed right under his friend Prairie Dog's locker "What the hell are you guys on?" Prairie Dog said as he never quite understood what either of them ever talked about. "Oh! I have to tell you about the Eskimo!" exclaimed Lemming jumping up and down. "Ok, my english teacher has an aunt who is pure eskimo and drop dead gorgeous. Shes the average attractive female republican with her hair up in a bun, high heels, pearls and such and one day they're driving down a back road and a moose jumps out in front of them and hit it head on. So her aunt gets out of the car, then whips out a knife and guts the sucker on the side of the road!" "What!?" woodchuck just stares at Lemming strangley. "I'd love to see some hot chick gut a moose." he said laughing and suddenly Lemming bursts out "It's eskimo porn! 'It's like cut it open slower baby. Ooooooo deep fry that heart!' " The entire time this strange and awkward fantasy is being explained Prairie Dog is just kinda standing there staring at them as if they were two escaped mental patients "You don't deep fry the heart!" he said finally joining in the madness. "Well there are alot of freaky fetishes out there!" Lemming said laughing as he closed his locker and put the lock on it. "You guys are just wierd....." said Prairie Dog walking out of the locker room after he got his pants on. "Lemming! Lemming! It's like 'AAAAAAA!!! I got grease on my chest!' " Woodchuck pretended to grab his chest in pain " 'AAAAAA!!!! It hurts but it feels good at the same time!' " Lemming added " 'Wait...is that peanut oil? I'm allergic to peanuts!' " as he cringes on the floor. "I'm dying slowly but it feels goooooood!!' " "Aye he be dead but yar! That means more weed for me! Arr me meatballs!" Woodchuck said running out of the locker room.

So the moral of the story......ummmm you tell me cause hell if I know. I was part of that conversation and hell if I understand most of it. ARR!!!

First Journal entry in a loooooooong time

From now on I think I'll go ahead and keep some journal entrys to give myself something to do when I'm bored beyond belief but I'll probably only do one once every couple days. But now onto current events. This last week I've been wanting to talk to Loki so bad that I felt kinda empty...and today I finally talked to her!! n.n I was afraid to call cause I had no clue whether she was still in washington or in ohio. But we didn't really talk long since it's getting pretty late T.T soooo sad. And since we had such a short time to talk I forgot to ask her something REALLY important. On the 15th of next month my family and I are going to Arkansas for a few weeks. But the problem is Loki said she would come to Longview around the same time, or at least I think she is because her brother was very vague when he tried to explain when she was coming. (please Loki, if your reading this could you tell me when your coming or at least when you think your coming? Your bro said you would be coming in 2 weeks because your lil bro was going to alaska but he didn't exactly say 2 weeks from what.) Well anyways, onto current events.....again. Today I swimming at the YMCA with Ashely. I invited Joel to come along but turns out he was busy and Stephanie was suppose to come to but she didn't show. We mostly just swam around in the little heated pool the entire time and talked. We talked about nothing inparticular and she told me some things that I would have never guessed about my friend Jeremy (mwhuahaha I can't wait to bug him about the time he wore a pink dress to school)What I really like about the smaller pool is it has this cool whirlpool thing that you can float around in circles in but all the little brats were in it so I kept bumping into them. It was pretty fun though and as usual she tried to get me to go to a play but I keep telling her "I can't go to a play! Im not cultured enough! I'd die from the over fancy dialouge!" (cultured.....yogurt) Yesterday at Kung Fu was great. The entire time we did padded stick sparring ^.^ lol it was some of the most fun I've had at a saturday class. He also took aside us people in the demo team and gave us tricks to use against everyone else. After class Sifu started talking about something that's really gotten me thinking. Turns out he was secretly testing us. Whenever one of us walked in the door to the academy he asked "How are you?" and everyone either said "Good." or "Fine." He pointed out that people rarely think about what they are actually saying, they just simply say the first thing that comes to mind and don't give it a second thought. What he was trying to say is that people need to think about what they mean when they say stuff other wise your.....just saying stuff. Kinda makes you think doesn't it? oh! I now officially have a fan club! It's 1 person (other than my friends of course) but that still can be a club! Now to make the club jackets!

The Power of Nothing

The darkness does not consume,
It does not destroy nor blanket,
Only taking place of the light,
Hiding everything and everyone from sight,
The cold embrace of the wind,
Chilling to the bone,
The feeling of being dead,
The emptiness focusing,
Becoming one with you,
and forcing you to face the world,
The absence of joy is filled,
Causing the heart to blacken
As the coldness of the world harden it,
Slowly destroying,
Yet it is nothing,
Only absence,
Collapsing upon yourself,
From the weight of your life,
With no support,
Except from your crushed soul,
As you struggle to support such immense weight,
Sweating under the load,
And wishing to give up,
Not knowing how to deal,
As you cry in the darkness,
Where non can hear nor see,
Wishing for it all to come to an end,
It is the disease of nothingness,
The feeling of being alone,
The feeling of being hopeless,
The feeling of being empty,
There is but one cure,
To brighten the world with a smile,
To warm the heart with a hug,
To fill the emptiness with love,
To love the world and all it offers,
To love the friends that help,care and support you,
To find the strength within you,
A strength that is boundless.
Do not let the nothing take over,
By always keeping light in your heart
And finding the good in your life,
Forever keep something in your heart,
And you can be saved,
Because nothing is fatal....

Strange Fruit

This is the creepiest song I have ever heard in my freaking life.....I swear this is one of the most morbid things I have ever heard....

Strange Fruit by Billie Holiday

Southern trees bear strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.


This song is going to be a question on our test somehow and we listened to it in english because we were reading to kill a mockingbird that deals with racism. If you can't tell this song is about lynching in the south and how horrific it is. Actually, there is more to it than just hanging the "guilty" but is a bit more.....thorough than most people think. The accused is set on fire, shot, beaten, dragged for miles behind a car, whipped, and then hanged. Such displays of brutality were actually public displays that even children came to for entertainment. Theres horrible events have decreased in frequency but have not completely disapeared. 2003 was going to be the first year since the formation of the Klan that noone was lynched but in december it happened. Our world is no where near perfect and it will never be because it takes just one person to make a diffrence, whether it be positive or negative. Not everyone in this world can be happy, its simply impossible and neither is everyone thinking the same way there for there will always be "good" and "evil".

Love Unseen, Chapter 1 (or so) (unrevised)

This is a story I have been worked on for a while and then kinda forgot about it. It was originaly suppose to be a christmas present but it didn't get done in time. I worked on it for a while and some stuff happened and I got distracted from it but I decided to begin working on it again. I might also do some revision in the coming weeks so when those this one will be marked unrevised and when the final copy of it is done then I will repost it and begin again working on more of it. (sorry for lack of paragraphs, blogger sucks and im lazy)


A slight breeze blew by in the starry night sky. There is not a sound except the rustling of the trees. Suddenly a blood curdling scream is let out from a nearby cave “Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” and a loud thud. Within the cave standing in the dim candle light is a man. He is mumbling to himself and with each passing word he begins to look more and more distressed. Soon his mumbling begins to get louder and louder “Shubafadakeeba flookgan shoobata” he says as his eyes begin to bulge and a vein starts popping out of his head. He clenches his fist tight and begins to scream “Tagoobada troogan shabooda veegan KABBADEE!!” He pauses for a second staring out at the night sky suddenly seeming calm with a big grin on his face. But then as if stabbed in the head with a dagger, he bends down and grabs his head. He stands in front of the wall and stares at it blankly. Then suddenly, he reels back and smashes his head against it repeatedly. “Shut up brain shut brain SHUT UP BRAIN!” he begins screaming as his head becomes red and starts to bleed until finally with one last blow to the wall, he collapses on the ground in a heap leaving a dripping bloody mark on the wall. Right before passing out he utters quietly to himself as if praying for thanks “Silence…” while staring at a empty picture frame on a small wooden table. Through out the night nearby villagers of Flager began rumors that the cave was haunted or housed a ferocious monster. The rumors spread like wild fire through the night but many still went about their daily business.
“Fresh dragon berries picked from the finest grove known to man!” a vendor yells out in a crowded market place. The streets have been busy from the summer trade route that moves through town every year. This has lead to many pickpockets, rich snobs, moronic mountain men, and some of the strangest crazy people you would ever meet. People became accustomed to this and it didn’t feel like summer unless you lost your wallet and ran into some man screaming about lemmings taking over the world. The town of Flager was know for its large population. With this large population, many rumors spread throughout the kingdom making people paranoid. One day a kid threw a rock in front of someone’s window and everybody thought there was a new species of gray birds that were out to eat flesh. So the next day they ran around with their pitchforks and torches killing all the ‘gray birds’ they could find. Lucky for them they all appeared to sleep on the ground in large groups. Since that day Flager has been know to have the greatest minds of all time yet filled with a large amount of illiterate bums that would believe anything.
A fat man that smelled of rotting fish comes up to a cart and greets the vendor “Hey Daniel how’s business?” “Oh can’t complain. I’ve been selling lots of apples but for everyone I sell another disappears.” the vendor says as the fat man laughs “Well I guess it’s that time of year.” “Yeah, some man came up to me the other day asking if I wanted to buy some butter made from cats milk.” the vendor says shaking his head “Weird people” “What did he look like?” the fish man asked “Well he a lot of scars on his face and smelled kinda like cat urine.” “Oh! I just remembered something.” the man shouts out. “Hey have you heard about what happened last night?” the man asks quietly as he leans in over the cart “Hear about what?” the vendor asks as he also leans closer “There is said to be a horrible monster in that cave in the middle of the forest. Me and a bunch of other men were planning on go there to take a look. You wanna join?” the man says as he stands up again and begins talking normally. “I don’t find that very wise.” a cloaked figure says standing behind the man. “I have seen the monster and it is huge. It would tear through your men and never give it a second thought.” the mysterious person says warningly “Well then what do you suggest we do!?” the man retorts “I will take care of it myself.” the figure says walking through the crowd and out of town. “Weird people.” the vendor says shaking his head.
Later on a dusty path leading to the forest the hooded figure removes the hood. The hooded figure turns out to be a beautiful woman. She has long flowing blond hair and a star on her forehead. She seems to be very strong and stands at least 6 feet tall with large wings folded under her cloak. “What has that man done this time?” she says with a sigh. “I’ve been hearing rumors of this man everywhere and everybody thinks he is a monster. Maybe I can finally catch him and find out who he is.” Delthia says with new found energy. She puts on her hood and dashes down the path towards the forest with amazing speed. She wished she could just fly but knowing these parts if someone saw her she would be struck down with out question. Nobody ever actually thinks for themselves, but rely on rumors she thought to herself.
Soon she entered the forest and made her way to the cave. Standing behind a tree she peaks into the cave. There seems to be nobody inside so she walks over carefully trying not to make a sound incase the man is in the cave but she cannot see him. Finally entering, she looks around to find nothing inside. “Damn, looks like I just missed him.” she says taking a look around noticing a dark mark on the wall that seems to be blood. “Jeez, what happened here?” she says feeling the wall finding the blood to be dry but still a little moist. She takes a step backwards trying to get a better look of the cave and accidentally kicks something. Delthia stops and takes looks behind her to see a gold locket on the ground. “What’s this?” she bends down and reaches for it but suddenly a man runs in and snatches it away. “Hey that’s not yours! Well it isn’t mine either, but still, give it back!” She yells at him as she gives chase. After running for a quarter of a mile she soon loses him and gives up. “I’m just not lucky anymore. Might as well head back to my keep.” She says with a sigh as she walks east towards the cliff.
Arriving at her keep she drops her cloak and stands at the edge of the cliff looking down below. The sea crashes against the cliff with a great green reef below. She stares longingly out towards the sea. “God I miss him.” she says with a sigh thinking of her mate. A man then stumbles out of the forest. Delthia just continues to zone out completely lost in thought. The strange man trips and falls face down on the ground and mumbles to himself. Delthia takes a brief glance at the man but goes back to thinking. The man gets up and walks over to the edge of the cliff. He seemed to be in his own little world and Delthia decides to just leave him alone. He takes a brief glance noticing Delthia but went back to mumbling to himself. She hears his mumbling, but she can’t make out a word. It seemed he was speaking gibberish “Tragooban racakana vakyfary” he said quietly to himself with tears in his eyes. She notices a bloody mark on his forehead and the locket around his neck. He slowly stands up saying in English “There is but only one way to gain complete silence.” he says softly. He opened the locket and stared into it deeply, even though it appeared to be empty. Closing the locket and putting it in his pocket he looks towards the sea. Delthia opens her wings preparing to fly as the man bends his knees to get ready to jump.
The strange man begins talking to himself again with tears growing with each passing word. “There is no order in my mind, nothing but the insanity of a thousand mad man wrapped up in the inner thoughts of a poet. For every thought that passes my mind thousands of possibilities flash by in a second. I can not have a moment of peace for silence is impossible. With each passing breath my mind becomes more chaotic. With each passing hour sleep becomes as inane of thought as the idea of walking on the moon.“ he wipes the tears from his eyes as his words become more powerful “Every day I think of nothing but a love that can not be found, for the distance that separates us is immeasurable. There is not much for me to do before insanity takes over clear thinking, for I always think of her more and more. This is the only way.” With his final words he leaps over the cliff with a smile on his face.
Delthia takes off at a dive towards the suicidal man with her arms out stretched. She presses her wings hard against her trying to get every ounce of speed possible. The man seamed to have his eyes closed with the same eerie smile on his face. She reaches out and grabs the scruff of his neck and unfolds her wings. With a big jerk they suddenly slow down and she begins to fly upwards. Upon reaching the top she flies him over under a tree and plops him down. “What the hell is the matter with you!? I don’t like people coming to my keep to kill themselves.” she says furiously. The man gets up and attempts to make a run for the cliff but Delthia shoves him to the ground. Attempting to get up he shouts out “You don’t understand!” but with another push he’s quickly back to the ground. He gives up and sits with his head between his knees “You just don’t understand my pain.” “I do to understand your pain.” she bends down and put her hand on his shoulder “I am without my mate for years, and it’s driving me stir crazy, but I do not want to bring him such pain by killing myself” she says trying to comfort him. “This is much different.” he says with frustration. “How so?” she attempts to put her hand on his shoulder but he scoots away again. “My ‘mate’, as you would put it, is pretty damn far away.” “Well go to her.” she says as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I can’t, we are separated by more than just miles. It’s more of a matter of….well time.”
“We both live in a different time and space. She is trapped in a dimension of nothingness while I am here. We don’t know why, but we are in love. We are exact opposites, yet the same in many ways. We have never met, yet we know each other more than anyone.” he stands up and begins to cry again “How would you feel in my situation!? I wish to give her a loving embrace, but that shall never happen! At least you have met the one you love and have a chance of him returning!” he begins walking backwards towards the forest but he trips on a rock falling on his back. “I am cursed. Cursed to always think about her till the day I die. So I began to go insane. It continues to grow and grow taking over my mind. But soon my insanity will grow so much that it will spread to others. It will spread like the plague, soon driving everyone to the brink of madness. You may not believe me, and find me as just a madman, but what I tell you is true. And I must do what I have came here to do.” He then gets up and makes a run for the cliff but Delthia just sticks out her foot and trips him. While the man was slightly dazed, she walked behind a tree and appeared again with some rope, binding his hands and feet. “O.K. that will hold him for a while.”
Waking up the man struggles in his bonds “Let me go!” “No there has to be another way, you can’t just kill yourself.” the man stops struggling and tries to calm himself “There is another way but it is near impossible. I must find a gateway to her dimension. But upon reaching that dimension I must pass great obstacles and challenges created by an almighty overseer whose soul purpose is to keep us apart.” he says seeming depressed “I have searched far and wide but I cannot find it.” “Well is that all you have to do? You really shouldn’t take the cowards way out by killing yourself. You must continue searching and I can help you.” Delthia says with a smile on her face and puts her hand on his shoulder and he doesn’t even attempt to pull away. He suddenly has a smile on his face and says “Thank you, I would greatly appreciate your help. My names Cire.” She begins to untie him and says “I’m Delthia, pleased to meet you.” as she helps him up onto his feet.
Delthia and Cire headed back to town hoping there might be a rumor going around about a dimensional door. Knowing this town, they are bound to find some information. Walking through the market place they look for a well know psychic. He is said to be eccentric but his visions are true. “I have heard of this psychic before, The Trupaokl. I think I met him once in a field grazing on some grass.” Cire says “Strange fellow.” Suddenly Cire stops and stares blankly at a wall. Delthia waves her hand in front of his face “Hello? Cire snap out of it!” she says smacking him. “Huh? What? Oh sorry I…I got to thinking again.” cire says seeming startled that Delthia slapped him “Well keep your mind occupied. Here I think I know a way.” she says rummaging in her pocket and pulls out a sort of disk “It’s called a yo-yo.” she says handing it to Cire “Maybe that will keep you entertained.” Cire just stares at the yo-yo and puts it on his finger and letting it drop “Oh. Yeah great fun.” “No you make it go down then make it go up and catch it.” He then tries this smacking himself in the jaw his first couple attempts but he soon gets the hang of it. “Ok now back to finding that Trupaokl guy.”
Cire and Delthia searched the entire day, but to no avail. Giving up hope they headed out of town wandering the country side hoping to maybe see him walking around. “What does The Trupaokl look like anyway?” Delthia asks questionably “Trust me you’ll know when you see him.” Cire says with a laugh. Suddenly a man jumps out of the bushes screaming “Take that! Who the Trupaokl, who the Trupaokl!” Delthia leans over and whispers to Cire “umm. I’m guessing that’s him?” “Don’t you understand!? With gravity slain now we can fly!” The Trupaokl says jumping in the air and falling face first “Damn it! The penguins have caught onto my plans.” looking up Trupaokl says “Oh hello there. What can I do for ya?” Trupaokl says standing up and brushing himself off. “Well we need some information and we thought you could help us.” Delthia asks approaching him “We would..” “No! We mustn’t talk out here.” The Trupaokl says cutting her off. Looking around he walks through the bushes he came out of and headed down the path “Someone could here us.” Delthia follows him with Cire behind her “Are you sure he really sees things?” “Yes. He may act strange but he is reliable. He just has his good days and his bad days so try to put up with him.” Cire says to Delthia trying to keep up “Well what kinda day does this look like?” she says with a laugh “Well judging from his lack of human feet necklaces, broken bones, tree sap in his pants, sheep’s bladder over his head, and the fact he has his cloths on, I would say pretty good. I’ve heard a lot about this guy. Whatever he says or does just humor him. We need to gain his trust.” Cire says ducking under a tree branch.
Upon reaching the cabin, Trupaokl began to do what seemed to be some sort of dance. Each step he took it looked like he was walking on hot coals and his arms were waving around like wet noodles “Umm. Excuse me Trupaokl but what are your doing?” Delthia asks with a look of confusion on her face. “It’s called the jello dance.” Trupaokl says while shaking his butt in the air “It summons flaming jello from the sky to smite your enemies!” “Oh. Of course, the jello dance…” Delthia says trying to muffle her laughter. “This is serious!” Trupaokl stops and looks coldly at Delthia “I must stop the penguins before their plan is complete!” after spinning on his head 5 times and hopping on one leg while spinning around flapping his arms around like a bird he finally got up and walked calmly to the door. “Don’t forget to wipe your feet.” with wide eyes Delthia and Cire slowly walk to the door “Cire, are you sure this guy hasn’t been kicked in the head by one to many mules?” “Come on Delthia, at least give the guy a chance.” “I would rather give a chance to a drunk with a spear in his head.”
Walking inside Cire and Delthia the first thing they notice a large box of walnuts in the middle of the floor. “Okay, I knew he was nutty but this is not what I meant.” Delthia snickered.

Coming soon....

Sorry for the intensity of my last post. I wasn't in the best of moods and I really needed to vent off some of my emotions. I guess after what happened someting kinda snapped and I just wrote and wrote without thinking. All I did was write what I felt and basically thought if anyone disagreed, screw them. Soon I will make at least 2 entries in View of the Pretendor for the lack of posts and after some insperation surprisingly from a comedian. 1 will be a short story about how to not waste certain moments in life and another about the importance of letting off some steam now and then, which I have just learned how greatly important it is to do. I also might make a 3rd dealing with racism but I dont exactly have a structure worked out to write it yet so it might be a while. I'll do my best to get the posts up as soon as possible but I'll also try to take my time. To all those that care, I am feeling better after what happened and I will use what I learned from it to benefit me in the future.

THERES NO REASON NOT TO!

This is again one of those depressing kind of posts yet I wish to give those who read this a little piece of my mind. My aunt has just passed away not even a few hours ago today. My mom is broken up and crying and we offer her hugs but I know that can not fill the hole. Wanna know what? I am fucking tired of hearing this god damn shit about there being no meaning in life and people fucking crying over it! There is no meaning in life, DEAL WITH IT! I agree there is no meaning of life but who gives a flying fuck about it? Your living right now,right this instant and theres nothing that can change that! There is no meaning in life unless you make one. Our point in life is to make babys that make babys that make babys ect. but you can make a meaning for life by yourself. Do what makes you happy in life is all that matters. If you die do you want to be happy and smiling or sad and crying? Dont say it doesnt matter! Think for 1 second would you want to be happy or sad. The answer 100% of the time is happy! SO MAKE YOUR LIFE LIKE THAT! Dont be moping about saying "oh theres no meaning in life,i should just die right now cause it wouldnt matter." if you say that someone should fucking sock you in the face! IT DOES MATTER! Everything you do matters in some shape or form! Every little miniscule choice you make never just effects you but effects also the others around you. Dont be a god damn selfish asshole and just be a sad loser because it will effect the others around you. Alot of people say they are alone but you know what? Your not alone EVER! You have friends if you say you dont go make some and be happy. WHY NOT BE HAPPY! WHY IN THE SEVEN HELLS WOULD YOU NOT WANT TO BE HAPPY! Some say that they dont "deserve" to be happy when everyone has the right to. Again, just do whatever makes you happy and who cares what others think. There is no meaning in life unless you make one unlike millions of others sad mopping people. Just deal with it and say "Screw it Im just going to have fun!" Fun is what life is all about. If you like to ski,go ski,if you like to play sports,play sports,if you like to have sex,have sex,but dont be do something stupid and hurt others in the process because would you want to be the one to ruin someones life? Well if you do then go ahead asshole and have that weight bare on you for the rest of your selfish life! Again I say it, WHY NOT BE HAPPY AND HAVE FUN! If it makes you happy and feels good DO IT! Theres no reason not to. THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO!THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO!THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO!THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO!THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! LISTEN TO ME! I dont care whatever someone says I will just jam that mother fucking thought into your head untill you listen! As the song gos "Dont worry,be happy" And suicide is the most low and stupid thing you could ever do. Those who even THINK about it are short sighted and ignorant! Do you know the effects it will have on those around you!? Even those you dont know will be effected! Everyone that has ever come in contact with you will be effected so DONT BE A SELFISH ASSHOLE AND DO SUCH A THING! Wanna know why I am so pissed off at this subject? Because I have seen those and have come in contact with those who gone so far to think that there is no reason to live and I have just wanted to slap them right then and there and scream and yell untill they finally get my point! Dont be such a self pity loser and actually take action to be happy! I WILL SAY IT A MILLION TIMES MORE! THERES NO REASON NOT TO! Make a goal or meaning in life that makes you happy and stick with it. Strive towards it no matter what anyone says or does just do whatever you want in life if it makes you happy. That is all that matters in life. You are not born with a meaning you have to make one yourself and only those who dont are unhappy. Create your own motivation to live or you can just give up and leave this world. Its your choice and only you can decide. Do you want to die and corrupt others lives and create sorrow in the ones you love and ever complete strangers? Or do you want to live life to its fullest and be happy? I leave you with this simple question and I dare someone to give me resonable aswer. Why not be happy?

intro gone story (a.k.a. follow your heart)

The moon slipped out from behind a puffy white cloud, enlightening the rolling hills below. Its halo of light brightening the sky around it as if it was day, its dim light cascading down and casting the field in a faint glow. The tall yellow grass sprouted from the ground about a foot as a meandering trail left behind leads to a young dragon boy hidden away under the meadow. He looked to the heavens above, the stars twinkling in his dark brown eyes, eyes that seemed to dip down to boundless depths surrounding him in a slight air of mystery. He looked to the moon and smiled a warm comforting smile that could befriend even the most unapproachable of characters. With his hand he brushed his medium length brown hair from his eyes, revealing his short curved horns. Sitting up he hugged his legs close to him, unfolding his red wings stretching them a bit as his long tail swished from side to side rustling the grass behind him. He appeared to be 15 years old and wore the typical set of cloths for his age. On his back he had a light brown jacket with a plain white T-shirt and had a pair of dark blue cargo pants with slightly ripped up legs. He wore a pair of old scuffed up tennis shoes and a black collar necklace as well. Looking to moon again he seemed to get lost in its comforting glow as he sat there in absolute silence aside from the bitter breeze. A breeze so chilling that it would cause others to shiver, yet he seemed to embrace and become empowered from it. Humming to himself he just sat there and smiled as if not a care in the world, as if he was sitting side by side with the girl he loved as he smiled to the moon. “If only she was here…” he said, his voice trailing off in the wind. Placing his hand on his shoulder he felt her touch, he felt her soft cheeks pressing against his own, he felt her caring embrace as her imaginary ghost held him tightly. As fast as a crack of the whip, suddenly the breeze kicked up into a powerful gust so all that could be heard was the white noise of the wind whipping through the grass snapping him out of his dream like state. Attempting to challenge the wind, he stood up slowly but surely, facing the wind head on as his hair blew about wildly. As he planted his feet firmly he began shouting to the wind “Is this all that you got! Is this all the strength that you can muster!” as he trudge forward, one straining step after another. The more he pushed onward the stronger the wind got, soon plants were being ripped out by the roots flying backwards like dandelions and soon, the very sound of it was unbearably earsplitting. Looking up he noticed a rather large tree only 30 feet away, not being in a particularly good position to question why he had not noticed such a enormous site before, he decided not to question a good thing. Dropping down onto all fours he dug his nails deep into the dirt, folded his wings tight against his back to become more streamlined, and powered on. Slowly making his way to the tree inch by inch what could have been minutes seemed hours to him, yet never once stopping to ask himself why he was fighting such an unbeatable force. In his mind he believed he could not win yet in his heart he was all but certain that there was hope for him, and that’s all the strength he needed to continue to move onward. As came within arms length of the tree, with one great leap, he reached out and clung to the tree tightly. Trying with all his might to hold on suddenly as rapid as the wind picked up, it began to fade gradually until it was no more than a faint warm breeze. Pausing for a second trying to comprehend what had just happened, he looked about wide eyed as if expecting a ghost to jump out of nowhere. All of a sudden he broke out in hysterical laughter letting go of the tree and rolling about on the ground. Seeming to be caught up in a great fit of joy as he laughed and laughed as if he was a small boy again. He did not know why he was laughing exactly, but he laughed on anyway. As his laughter faded away he sat up and inspected the tree before him. The tree appeared to be ancient and near to death yet it stood there unmoving even in the powerful wind that had passed. Jumping up he hung off one of the branches to test it. It seemed solid enough so he jumped up onto it and made his way to the top. After reaching about half way he looked down to see how far he had ascended. “It’s really a great view from up here.” he said to himself looking out to see the field below marveling at the shadows dancing about as the wind caused the meadow to move like one giant wave. Just sitting there he was in a state of complete serenity as his mind seemed free from its constant cycle of ever thinking. Sitting there he felt as if time had stopped, as if he would never have to worry of anything ever again. Temporarily losing sense of time he sat there for what was hours yet to him everything seemed to happen within seconds. Leaning back he looked skyward to the stars above and snapped out of his state of tranquility as he noticed something out of the usual. The tree seemed to have grown by at least 25 feet without him noticing. Standing up, he jumped up to the branch above him and stood for a second as if expecting the tree to react. Staring down the tree he stood there waiting. Scratching his head he looked down to the ground again seeing if anything had changed but as he looked up again the tree seemed to grow again. Reaching up to grab the branch above his head he pulled himself up as the tree grew again before his very eyes. Climbing another branch the tree grew again. Speeding his pace up a bit the tree grew even faster as if the tip of it was running away from him yet teasing him to try and catch it. Hopping from one branch to another upwards it grew faster and faster. Soon he was almost flying up the tree with its tip always just barely out of reach. The game of tag soon led up to great heights and into the clouds as his brow moistened with sweat. Never looking down, he powered on just because in his gut he felt that there was something at the end, but not knowing exactly what was not going to stop him. Abruptly the branch stopped growing just below a small white cloud. Slowing his ascent, he made his way up the last couple branches of the tree. Breathing heavily, near the point of collapsing, he tried his best to catch his breath and poked his head through the bottom of the cloud. Still catching his breath he scanned the cloud and what he saw really took his breath away. Surrounded by the infinite splendor of the stars and the ever smiling moon was beauty defined. It was her. As he stood there awestruck, he could to form words while she sat with her back to him looking out to the stars. She seemed to be sitting on the cloud as if it was solid. Not even caring about the fact that he was merely standing on fog, he lifted himself up onto the cloud and walked over to her. He could not believe his eyes but he believed in his heart it truly was her and that’s all that really mattered. He walked over to her, again at a loss words, and sat beside her. They both continued to gaze at the stars as he placed his arm across her shoulders and smiled with tears in his eyes. Looking to him she smiled as well as she rested her head on his shoulder with the same joyful tears forming. Words were not needed as they sat there together in the moons comforting glow. He did not know if this was a dream or if it was reality but it did not matter. All that he cared about was that they were together and nothing else mattered. Just sitting there in silence . Not able to hold the tears back any longer he whispered softly “I love you….” as tears began to roll down her cheeks as well “I love you too….” as they sat there forever, never wishing the moment to end.